Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

Wow. it's a shame that so many girls are in the same boat i am.

I don't know what to feel and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and change. About two months ago we moved to another city and in together. At the end of june my nuvaring went missing (this is our preferred method of birth control.. my boyfriend is of the camp that believes condoms take all the feeling out of sex for him) so we had to wait until my period this month to put a new one in. He had made comments about having to use condoms during this month and for the first week or so- we did make attempts and were successful several times. He's been staying up later than me so he can watch porn and jack off before going to sleep. When I told him that this made me sad he got really defensive and angry at me for "not caring if condom sex didn't feel good to him" and "just wanting to get off." We ended up having a really good talk about our relationship after this... and kind of discovered that while i get our relationship intimacy from sex, he doesn't because in his past sex has always been such a casual thing... instead he feels like he gets the intimacy from the hanging out aspect of our relationship. I told him that he has to remember that while he's getting his intimacy- i'm not getting any. We both came out of the conversation feeling positive and I thought things would change. So I ended up putting in a new nuvaring a few days later... since he had used this as the main reason why we weren't having sex, I thought it would change. Nope. He still seems so completely okay with the two of us not having a sexual relationship. He still sits up and watches porn every night. if I try to tell him that it hurts me he's just going to get defensive and say that I'm pressuring and that I'm not okay with porn... I am okay with porn- i use it sometimes. I have told him that the only time I'm not okay with it is when it becomes more important than our own sex life. I'm dying inside right now because all the advice seems to point to the conclusion that we aren't going to work and I love him so much. I want him to want me. I used to think he did.

My boyfriend and i have been together for more than 2 years. he's foreign and works up to 85 hours a week. when he's not working, he's with me. we used to spend less time together, but as the relationship got more serious it became difficult to spend the little free time he had apart. (you can imagine how hard it is when he has one day off a week). so now we sleep together nearly every night. in the beginning it was very normal, passionate, frequent sex. now we have sex once or twice a week. here are the things which passed in between:

*about four months
*i had an episode of depression which was very difficult for us both to deal with, although it has passed and been smoothed over for the most part
*i went on the pill, and we stopped using condoms

he gets very upset if i don't orgasm, he gets down on himself.

at first when all of this happened i really panicked ( i am still pretty panicked). i would get upset, and show it. i even started crying and asked him if it was because he wasnt attracted to me. he told me i was more attractive than ever, that he had just been feeling kind of worried about some stuff lately. that it wasnt me. it seemed like a good talk, but in the days after that everything felt really awkward, and i felt really selfconscious trying to initiate sex. i started acting angry and bitter all the time, and stuff just felt bad between us. the sex wasn't picking up finally i decided i needed to take a different route, and decided to act like it was alright, and just express my love for him without expecting sex. he became so affectionate and sweet, since then we've been very good together. but still, we haven't had sex in a week or more. i will be honest and say that half the time this week it's probably just as much if not more me who doesn't want to. my self esteem is still not repaired, and i find it very hard to be turned on if i don't feel wanted. i also have a slight fear of him rejecting my advances. also, now when we have sex it is still very passionate and loving, though there is a very very slight tone of aggression on his part, andhis orgasms seem a little less intense than they used to be. i am terrified that our sex life will never be okay again. i love him so much, and i want to trust that what is going on is not just us becoming friends, but it is my worst fear. i know that if i could pick up my confidence again enough to make genuine advances on him, that combined witha supportive attitude might just be all that is needed to get out of this rut. but i don't know if i have that in me. and if i don't, then we will need to talk about it, which can be both an enlightening and damaging conversation i think, it's jsut such a delicate matter with men.

does anyone have a thought about what the reason could be behind this? what i should do? if we talk about it, what i should say or ask?

To all the women having problems with their men...I say unto you. Take a break.
I mean for example, today. Do something that makes you happy. Sure there are problems in your life that aren't solved, but just be. Even for just today. Forget about it. Take a hike, walk, go to church and hear an inspiring message, or go in nature and gets inspired by that. Think of the good things about yourself, what makes you special and what you are most proud about yourself. Remind yourself that you are a wondeful and lovable human being. I promise you if you take a break from this problem that occupies 101% of your thinking time, and your energy, you'll feel a lot better. I promise you if you walk away from your problem, it will be still there when you come back, so no worries that it will go away while you are taking a hike. ; )

I'm in the same situation with my bfriend. He doesnt want to have sex. He would rather me do oral on him. He doesnt do it for me and hasnt since we met three years ago. I have to ask for sex. I can walk naked in front of him and he doesn't even look at me. When we do have sex it is for maybe three minutes. He satisfies himself and turns over and goes to sleep. He loves to cuddle but doesn't ask for sex. If i say anything about him finding someone else he goes from talking calmly to irrate. He says he is tired of me accusing him. I don't accuse him I just ask if he has found someone else. He has said that men his age lose their sex drive. He is 38. I've never seen a man yet that has lost it. He spends alot of time "working on his boat" even when i am not at work, he goes to work on it. I don't think he is cheating but sometimes i wonder if he would rather be alone then with me. As for porn he hasnt watched it since we have been together because i don't like porn. He told me today he misses it alot but since i don't like it he won't watch it. He threw them all away last year. He said once that it is visual with porn. I believe if you can't have sex with the person you're with without it then somthing is wrong with the relationship. I am 7 years older than him. Sometimes i wonder if he doesn't want to be with me and is afraid to tell me. He has told me three times to move in an arguement we've had in the past. I live with him, he won't let me decorate with my things. It is HIS house not mine. As for marriage he has said he isn't getting married agin knowing I want to someday. I don't know if I should just move out and go bck to my house or just ride it out. Things aren't getting any better sexually, we have fun together here at home but we dont go out in public at all together. I work evenings and he works days but when i am home we don't do anything out of the house. He always says i need to firm up my gut, I had four kids and the oldest is 18. I feel if he loves me he shouldnt worry about my gut. He in his past likes little woman. I am only 112 lbs and 5'3. What is wrong with me????

I need advice..After reading some of these comments it just bring me to tears. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. We use to have a very exciting and sexual relationship. Im 27 and he is 32. We have discussed it many times and the reasons he says just blows my mind. I am a full time college student and he works full time. We are happy with what we have and we have the normal stresses in life. We also live together. Anyways, he said one time that I wasnt affectionate enough and another time that relationships are not all about sex. It has been over 4 months since the last time we had sex and before that I would be lucky to get it at least once a month or less. My mom and other friends of mine say its not normal. I work out 5 days a week and I get attention from other men and I can walk naked in front of him and he doesnt look at me sexually like a typical guy would. I love him and I know he loves me. I heard that he is planning on proposing to me next month..( a secret a relative told me) but I dont want to marry someone that isnt even intimate with me. What should I do. I have mentioned couples counseling a few times and maybe its the fear of if I do breakup with him what if that is the biggest mistake of my life. Everything else about him is perfect. Im torn and only becoming a bitter person because of all this. I know its not normal and people tell me it not normal. Is this normal? Please help!

my story is similar to these girls. i am 26 and my boyfriend 30. we have been together for almost 2 years. we have had sex maybe once in the past 6 months. im frustrated and sad. i cry many nights because i feel unattractive. it has became very hard for me to initiate sex because i have been turned down so many times. i cant take the rejection. i tried to get him in the mood but i cant. he has even fell asleep while i was messaging he man hood. when i try to talk to him about it, it somehow becomes an arguement. he says he doesnt understand why i say the same things over and over. (like are you cheating, are you not attracted to me anymore,ect.). i dont see how he has time to cheat when he is always working or at home. but its still in the back of my mind. when i was pregnant he said it was my belly, that it wasnt sexy. that hurt so much. but he reassured me that things would change. well they havent. now he says he is exausted from work and cant get in the mood. well he stopped wanting to have sex way before the baby and the new job switch. i just wasnt ready to approach him about untill then. i know he pleasures him self. when i ask why he does it when he has a women willing a ready. he says its a stress relief and it doesnt take much work. by the way the very few times that we have been together im really the only one participating. he just says get on top and lays thier. i really just want the intimacy that goes along with it. he says we will when we havent talked about it. but im still waiting. how long do i have to wait. we just got in an arguement last night about it. i said he doesnt care about my feelings. he took it that i was saying he doesnt satify me.