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Hey, don't panic. Sorry easier said than done. But my suggestion to you is...what you feel when you panic is it's expected and any woman in your position will feel the same. So that alone will make your panic subside. When you feel the panicky feelings...step back...step away, and look at yourself as if you are outside of yourself, observing.
I know this is not an easy conversation to have with your partner, and I know your feelings of being cautious and reserved because of past seeming rejection on his part. Sometimes though we project our fears too much on the man, and we exagerrate his subtle reactions. Don't assume everything is negative. He doesn't know what's going on your head, eventhough he might feel something is bothering you. Of course I'm not saying he is really obtuse (well, yeah men can be obtuse sometimes) but he is not just on the same page as you. Let him know you feel a little rejection on his part and check in with him. Always check in with him. I'm learning this as well. I'm only telling you what is working with me...Maybe it's not all about you. In most cases it isn't. And if we blow up the situation, it will just have a snowball effect.
As far as him being a little agressive and lacking intensity, again I see this as your trying to analyze TOO much. : )
We all have moods, and it's unrealistic to have your lovemaking be 100% perfect each and every time! You are just going to set yourself up for dissappointment in that frame of mind. If I was in your position, and the lovemaking is great when you do have it even if it's not as frequent as you'd like, I'll be a happy camper. Trust me, I'll trade places with you anytime!
Just be okay with yourself, and start there, and I think things will improve between the two of you...Sometimes we just need to put our focus elsewhere and the problem itself, will alleviate, maybe even take care of itself.
Cheers.
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Hey, don't panic. Sorry easier said than done. But my suggestion to you is...what you feel when you panic is it's expected and any woman in your position will feel the same. So that alone will make your panic subside. When you feel the panicky feelings...step back...step away, and look at yourself as if you are outside of yourself, observing.
July 29, 2009 - 7:54amI know this is not an easy conversation to have with your partner, and I know your feelings of being cautious and reserved because of past seeming rejection on his part. Sometimes though we project our fears too much on the man, and we exagerrate his subtle reactions. Don't assume everything is negative. He doesn't know what's going on your head, eventhough he might feel something is bothering you. Of course I'm not saying he is really obtuse (well, yeah men can be obtuse sometimes) but he is not just on the same page as you. Let him know you feel a little rejection on his part and check in with him. Always check in with him. I'm learning this as well. I'm only telling you what is working with me...Maybe it's not all about you. In most cases it isn't. And if we blow up the situation, it will just have a snowball effect.
As far as him being a little agressive and lacking intensity, again I see this as your trying to analyze TOO much. : )
We all have moods, and it's unrealistic to have your lovemaking be 100% perfect each and every time! You are just going to set yourself up for dissappointment in that frame of mind. If I was in your position, and the lovemaking is great when you do have it even if it's not as frequent as you'd like, I'll be a happy camper. Trust me, I'll trade places with you anytime!
Just be okay with yourself, and start there, and I think things will improve between the two of you...Sometimes we just need to put our focus elsewhere and the problem itself, will alleviate, maybe even take care of itself.
Cheers.
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