My boyfriend and i have been together for more than 2 years. he's foreign and works up to 85 hours a week. when he's not working, he's with me. we used to spend less time together, but as the relationship got more serious it became difficult to spend the little free time he had apart. (you can imagine how hard it is when he has one day off a week). so now we sleep together nearly every night. in the beginning it was very normal, passionate, frequent sex. now we have sex once or twice a week. here are the things which passed in between:
*about four months
*i had an episode of depression which was very difficult for us both to deal with, although it has passed and been smoothed over for the most part
*i went on the pill, and we stopped using condoms
he gets very upset if i don't orgasm, he gets down on himself.
at first when all of this happened i really panicked ( i am still pretty panicked). i would get upset, and show it. i even started crying and asked him if it was because he wasnt attracted to me. he told me i was more attractive than ever, that he had just been feeling kind of worried about some stuff lately. that it wasnt me. it seemed like a good talk, but in the days after that everything felt really awkward, and i felt really selfconscious trying to initiate sex. i started acting angry and bitter all the time, and stuff just felt bad between us. the sex wasn't picking up finally i decided i needed to take a different route, and decided to act like it was alright, and just express my love for him without expecting sex. he became so affectionate and sweet, since then we've been very good together. but still, we haven't had sex in a week or more. i will be honest and say that half the time this week it's probably just as much if not more me who doesn't want to. my self esteem is still not repaired, and i find it very hard to be turned on if i don't feel wanted. i also have a slight fear of him rejecting my advances. also, now when we have sex it is still very passionate and loving, though there is a very very slight tone of aggression on his part, andhis orgasms seem a little less intense than they used to be. i am terrified that our sex life will never be okay again. i love him so much, and i want to trust that what is going on is not just us becoming friends, but it is my worst fear. i know that if i could pick up my confidence again enough to make genuine advances on him, that combined witha supportive attitude might just be all that is needed to get out of this rut. but i don't know if i have that in me. and if i don't, then we will need to talk about it, which can be both an enlightening and damaging conversation i think, it's jsut such a delicate matter with men.
does anyone have a thought about what the reason could be behind this? what i should do? if we talk about it, what i should say or ask?
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My boyfriend and i have been together for more than 2 years. he's foreign and works up to 85 hours a week. when he's not working, he's with me. we used to spend less time together, but as the relationship got more serious it became difficult to spend the little free time he had apart. (you can imagine how hard it is when he has one day off a week). so now we sleep together nearly every night. in the beginning it was very normal, passionate, frequent sex. now we have sex once or twice a week. here are the things which passed in between:
*about four months
*i had an episode of depression which was very difficult for us both to deal with, although it has passed and been smoothed over for the most part
*i went on the pill, and we stopped using condoms
he gets very upset if i don't orgasm, he gets down on himself.
at first when all of this happened i really panicked ( i am still pretty panicked). i would get upset, and show it. i even started crying and asked him if it was because he wasnt attracted to me. he told me i was more attractive than ever, that he had just been feeling kind of worried about some stuff lately. that it wasnt me. it seemed like a good talk, but in the days after that everything felt really awkward, and i felt really selfconscious trying to initiate sex. i started acting angry and bitter all the time, and stuff just felt bad between us. the sex wasn't picking up finally i decided i needed to take a different route, and decided to act like it was alright, and just express my love for him without expecting sex. he became so affectionate and sweet, since then we've been very good together. but still, we haven't had sex in a week or more. i will be honest and say that half the time this week it's probably just as much if not more me who doesn't want to. my self esteem is still not repaired, and i find it very hard to be turned on if i don't feel wanted. i also have a slight fear of him rejecting my advances. also, now when we have sex it is still very passionate and loving, though there is a very very slight tone of aggression on his part, andhis orgasms seem a little less intense than they used to be. i am terrified that our sex life will never be okay again. i love him so much, and i want to trust that what is going on is not just us becoming friends, but it is my worst fear. i know that if i could pick up my confidence again enough to make genuine advances on him, that combined witha supportive attitude might just be all that is needed to get out of this rut. but i don't know if i have that in me. and if i don't, then we will need to talk about it, which can be both an enlightening and damaging conversation i think, it's jsut such a delicate matter with men.
does anyone have a thought about what the reason could be behind this? what i should do? if we talk about it, what i should say or ask?
July 27, 2009 - 10:50amThis Comment
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