Wow. it's a shame that so many girls are in the same boat i am.
I don't know what to feel and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and change. About two months ago we moved to another city and in together. At the end of june my nuvaring went missing (this is our preferred method of birth control.. my boyfriend is of the camp that believes condoms take all the feeling out of sex for him) so we had to wait until my period this month to put a new one in. He had made comments about having to use condoms during this month and for the first week or so- we did make attempts and were successful several times. He's been staying up later than me so he can watch porn and jack off before going to sleep. When I told him that this made me sad he got really defensive and angry at me for "not caring if condom sex didn't feel good to him" and "just wanting to get off." We ended up having a really good talk about our relationship after this... and kind of discovered that while i get our relationship intimacy from sex, he doesn't because in his past sex has always been such a casual thing... instead he feels like he gets the intimacy from the hanging out aspect of our relationship. I told him that he has to remember that while he's getting his intimacy- i'm not getting any. We both came out of the conversation feeling positive and I thought things would change. So I ended up putting in a new nuvaring a few days later... since he had used this as the main reason why we weren't having sex, I thought it would change. Nope. He still seems so completely okay with the two of us not having a sexual relationship. He still sits up and watches porn every night. if I try to tell him that it hurts me he's just going to get defensive and say that I'm pressuring and that I'm not okay with porn... I am okay with porn- i use it sometimes. I have told him that the only time I'm not okay with it is when it becomes more important than our own sex life. I'm dying inside right now because all the advice seems to point to the conclusion that we aren't going to work and I love him so much. I want him to want me. I used to think he did.
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Wow. it's a shame that so many girls are in the same boat i am.
I don't know what to feel and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and change. About two months ago we moved to another city and in together. At the end of june my nuvaring went missing (this is our preferred method of birth control.. my boyfriend is of the camp that believes condoms take all the feeling out of sex for him) so we had to wait until my period this month to put a new one in. He had made comments about having to use condoms during this month and for the first week or so- we did make attempts and were successful several times. He's been staying up later than me so he can watch porn and jack off before going to sleep. When I told him that this made me sad he got really defensive and angry at me for "not caring if condom sex didn't feel good to him" and "just wanting to get off." We ended up having a really good talk about our relationship after this... and kind of discovered that while i get our relationship intimacy from sex, he doesn't because in his past sex has always been such a casual thing... instead he feels like he gets the intimacy from the hanging out aspect of our relationship. I told him that he has to remember that while he's getting his intimacy- i'm not getting any. We both came out of the conversation feeling positive and I thought things would change. So I ended up putting in a new nuvaring a few days later... since he had used this as the main reason why we weren't having sex, I thought it would change. Nope. He still seems so completely okay with the two of us not having a sexual relationship. He still sits up and watches porn every night. if I try to tell him that it hurts me he's just going to get defensive and say that I'm pressuring and that I'm not okay with porn... I am okay with porn- i use it sometimes. I have told him that the only time I'm not okay with it is when it becomes more important than our own sex life. I'm dying inside right now because all the advice seems to point to the conclusion that we aren't going to work and I love him so much. I want him to want me. I used to think he did.
July 27, 2009 - 5:02pmThis Comment
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