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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest

Glad I'm not the only one with this problem! My SO and I have been together for a little over 3 years. The first time we had sex he let me seduce him in my backyard.. Then every night he would sleep/cuddle with me in my bed and we would always end up having sex. But, as our relationship progressed he started holding sex from me and giving it 4 times a week, 2 times, and now its like 2-3 times a month!
I am a very sexual person and I express my feelings to him about this subject all the time. How it hurts me and it makes me feel unwanted/unloved and like I'm 'just there'. Sex is apart of love, its showing each other how much love you have for them.
We have a 15month old son and a baby on the way (still pretty early. Not quite showing yet) and I just love him so much.
I need him to bring out the freak like my ex bf did. My SO is just close minded and would rather get high and play on his phone...
This makes me feel like a piece of shit.
My ex bf was 13 years older then me and we had sex sometimes 4x a day! My SO is 5 years older then me and he acts like a grandpa...
Don't get me wrong I've tried dressing up getting new toys to maybe that will excite him, but nothing. I need a sex life. My blood is boiling and masturbation is getting old

November 27, 2012 - 9:12pm
EmpowHER Guest

my boy-friend and i have been together for about 8 months now and getting married in april. He has not wanted to have sex in about 3 months but has a few times so i wouldnt bother him anymore but i havent really asked. i have asked if there is a problem with me and he said no that he was just stressed about getting this new job and once he got it we'd have sex more he has had this job for over 3 weeks now and we havent yet and its worst now than it was before he has no desire he wont even masterbate anymore. i look at him and i have the deapest love for him and want to show him and i cant

November 13, 2012 - 4:50pm
EmpowHER Guest

I understand what you are going threw me and my bf just moved in together and now its like im begging him to be sensual with me hes just tells me a different exuse everytime, live him to death but a women has her needs to, its not fair to be turned down everynight when i do everything for him, ive been threw worst relationship so im not going to end it over sex but needs to be happy and feel wanted by my bf, im a pretty girl ive been told and kind ,, fun, sexy and tryed to spice things ul all the time, idk what to do, anythinh?

November 6, 2012 - 6:54pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I hear you... I feel like I am going crazy sometimes... I keep thinking, aren't men supposed to want it more than women? We are awesome together and get along great. We do a lot for each other. We've been through a lot... there's some past hurt with us but we have both owned up and moved on. I am so attracted to him all the time. We just moved in together a couple months ago and we had more sex before we were living together. This makes me so sad. I've talked to him about it and cried over it and we have even had fights about it. He never goes down on me any more unless he thinks I'll be giving him a BJ and when we do have sex it's quick and he just doesn't seem into it. I still give him random BJ's and spend as much time as I can on him and I love it when I can satisfy him better than the last time. I ask him what he likes and do it for him and I get so sad that he doesn't enjoy doing the same for me... when I ask him to go down on me and try to do it in a sexy way he sighs... gets irritated when I squirm too much and that only makes me feel like I want it to be over with. I usually fake it at that point... I've tried talking to him about it so many times. I don't feel wanted I don't feel the passion anymore. I love him to death but I need to be satisfied. He says, "Don't give me demands, if I want to fuck you I'll fuck you, if I want to finger you I'll finger you, if I want to go down on you I'll go down on you..." But he doesn't...

He says he'll pay more attention to me but he doesn't. I go to bed hoping that he will just be a man and go crazy with me for once, just be so turned on by me that he can't help himself but he just rolls over and goes to sleep... He'll have sexy with me the day or two after I bring it up ot get upset over it then it goes back to before. I spend an hour waxing my vag for him, I try to turn him on and I've been turned down so much. He NEVER comes on to me anymore. I have never in 2 years turned him down for sex ONCE. Not once...

I just wish he felt the same way about me. I don't want to have sex with anyone else but this is causing my eyes to stray at any chance they get. I day dream about what that passion would be like again.. I'd never cheat but if someone were to show intrest in me I'd consider it. And that makes me more sad than he will ever know.

I don't know what to do anymore.. do I just let him be? I don't want to talk to him about it anymore. It something wrong with me for wanting it all the time? He says he's still attracted to me, he deleted all the porn he had because he said he doesn't need it, "I don't need porn, I have a girlfriend..." He is telling the truth about it. He just doesn't think about it anymore. He's never spontaneous anymore. I'm bored and unsatisfied and it's not out of lack of trying to communicate this with him. He wants me to be open but I'n tired of repeating myself to no avail...

November 16, 2012 - 11:43pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I understand what you are going through. I do the same for my boyfriend. He use to love to go down on me and I also keep myself bald for him because I know he likes that. I rather have hair down there but I do this to please him. I give him BJ all of the time I give him everything he wants and when I want him to please me He will not do it. It hurts me so much. I try to let him know how it makes me feel but we always ending up fighting I can not go through this much longer. I do not know what to do. I have a very high sexual drive . I love him very much but it is not fair that he is not trying to satisfy me. I am thinking about straying and I really do not want to do this but I am so tired of being so frustrated.

January 4, 2013 - 9:41pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am 45 years old and I can honestly tell you that I have learned that women, NOT men, are the ones with the higher sex drives. I have been married, I have been engaged a couple of times and dated men for 2-3 years at a pop in all my 45 years. I sincerely can tell you that at least 90% of men seem to get bored after a while and what you look like, what you wear, what you do to them in bed will not matter because their interest always seems to get less after a while.
Sad but true.

January 6, 2013 - 12:11am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

sigh girl i feel u. ure not alone. and whenever i tell him "we've only had sex twice this month" he gets upset and goes all "its crazy that you even count that" or " u sure know how to ruin a night". makes me feel so guilty for pointing it out and im just so sad and feel like crying always. i love sex, its like a part of me, my personality - really sexual, and i love oral sex i love giving bjs, but now i cant coz when i do i get all turned on and i KNOW i wont get anything back, not right after, not ever and it makes me even more sad! It's like food, i eat 3 times a day, i want sex 3 times a day, and if i get sex only 3 times a month!of course ill go crazy! wouldnt he notice if i fed him only twice a month insted of every night.

December 24, 2012 - 12:00am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow...You have the same exact issues i am having..only my bf has never gone down on me..he says he is just not into it. My ex bfs loved it and one guy i dated gave me oral like every chance i would let him. damn i miss it.
We have been together a year..and he has never been big on the agressiveness of maleness on the sex. I have always been the one to come on to him. Hell..Im good with 1-2 times a week..but he NEVER wants it..like he told me was that he has always been that way...just not that interested,,At first yeah..we had plenty of sex in our relationship. But damn its it only been a year..and we never do it but mabey once every 7-10 days. Im real frustrated. My ex has started talking to me again and I remember how he gave it to me. Thoughts cross my mind. I feel terrible..because I am so freaking in love with my bf but I dont know if he just wanks off to porn..or what his deal is...but he sure aint DOING me :(

November 20, 2012 - 11:04am
EmpowHER Guest

We have been together for 10years since high school i was madly in love with him.We have hAd lots of ups and down in the relationship. We havent officially broke up ever but with 2 years of distance relationship we had -4 years ago invited some bad events. I had another guy who emerged into my life who was intensely in love with me.never loved him but I was kind confused. . As my partner also had other relations then.But now m with my partner n now I have started to think About my ex so much- I have started to go crazy thinking about him. nd my ex -was into me  desperately he thought i was the sexiest girl which My partner never think off. My ex  was experimental and was madly in love with me. My ex Was ready for all the commitments which my partner isn't ready for now.  I have started to talk to my ex on Skype N' he is still single even after 5 yrs and he still wanna marry me. I have  given a second thought n m planning  to go to back to him demolishing every other relation , criteria and the society where I am from which is typical and conservative. I am very confused. Please advice me. 

October 26, 2012 - 9:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

what is suggest you is that.as a human being one always feels like taking a wrong decision and regretting for not gettin something that could have been yours initially. Noone is perfect. You won't be able to find a perfect person. You should be able to see the person with their impersonate and compromise. If you can't do so ten you will always regret even after suppose getting back to your ex. U might start to think about ur current. So put things up in a table with ur current. Sort your problems out. make a happy time spend some time togther. By saying being together for 10years. Means this guys loves you otherwise why would he stay with u for 10 yrs. give him some time to commit and express his feelings.I

November 7, 2012 - 9:19am
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