Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

hi i have the same problem. im 22 years old my fionce is 38 we have been together for a little over a year now. and he never wants to have sex with me. i love him to death. but it is very frustrating to know that i have a man that wont sexually please me ever.now he doesnt sleep good at all its very hard for him to get to sleep and when he does its time for him to go to work. i asked him if there was somthing wrong with me he said no its him that he lacks the sex drive.? now what does that mean?? he isnt affectionate at all he doesnt like to cuddle. or hold hands somtimes i think he is embarrassed to be with me in public cause im so much younger then him.? i dont no tho. i do no that i am in my prime and it would be nice to get some action at least once a month. the last time we had sex was in february and it is now july. its been a long time and i ask him if he wants to he tells me he dont feel good or his head hurts or he is to tired. so i just stoped asking cause i just get the same answer every time i ask. so why bother? it makes me feel dumb when he rejects me i cry all the time by myself about what could be wrong with me???? please help me i dont no what to do please tell me something other then why am i with him or he is to old for me cause we love eachother. oh and he tells me that just talking to me is his sex!

I certainly couldn't say either way what the root of the problem is. But I can speculate things... I do know from a couple of sources that certain depression medication does cause a loss of interest in sex. It also seems to me that he most certainly has reason to be depressed. Also, I know from past experience that stress and/or depression can result in a lack of interest in sex for men. It sounds to me like he has symptoms of depression... However, you are not responsible for fixing him. You are only responsible for supporting the person you love in their time of need... although he has to be willing to do the work. I would say at this point, you are not having any of your needs met in the relationship. So at some point you have to call him out on it... sort of a tough love type of thing. I would suggest that you request dinner with him, not out in public... maybe a home cooked meal. (on a side note, has his appetite changed as well? Has he lost considerable weight... because those things can be tale tale signs of depression.) If he does not accept the offer or makes it difficult then you may have to do this over the phone, if forced to, or in person if possible.
Then tell him that you have some things to say and that you would appreciate him letting you finish completely before responding. I would suggest then explaining that you can certainly see why he would have good cause to be depressed and that you can sympathize with his pain. However, at this point he has completely withdrawn from the relationship both physically and emotionally and that this has left you alone in the relationship... which has in turn caused you a great deal of pain. Tell him that you will do whatever he needs you to, in order to help get him through this time...but with that being said, he must do his part. Suggest that he go and talk to someone about his depression and all its causes. If he does not already have a doctor, then you would certainly help him find one that he would feel comfortable talking with. If he does have a doctor, tell him you would be happy to make the appointment for him... because sometimes making that call and getting to the doctors office is one of the biggest challenges that a person with severe depression faces.
Explain to him that you are willing to see him through this and support his efforts... but if he refuses to get help and/or becomes angry and adamant about not needing help or defensive at your request. Then he leaves you with your hands tied, as this is not fair to you or your relationship and you can not continue this way and risk ending up depressed as well. If he goes to the doctor they will most certainly start him on medication which might take a good month or two before you see in changes and results from the medication. Also, certainly investigate the medication that is offered and make sure that there are less cases of a loss of interest in sex. They all do have some effect but there are some that are less prone to it than others... if you do some research online, to that effect, you might be able to offer him some suggestions before starting on them that he can request of the doctor. Which may save a lot of trouble in switching meds in his treatment process.
Now, if as I mentioned earlier ~ He refuses to go or gets angry or defensive and refuses treatment... then I hate to say it, but you might have to let him go and deal with this on his own.
It may sound cold or mean... but he has an obligation in the relationship and he is failing to own up to any of them at this point. He will have to be a big boy and take the necessary steps for himself and for the sake of the relationship. As the old saying goes, if it is meant to be... set him free and he will return. You can't have this continue at risk of your own health...
Good luck!! I hope that everything turns out for the best - for him and the relationship!

thank you to the guys for participating. There is always some girl around who is ready to hear, and even if it isn't the case for some, it could be for others.

My boyfriend and I havent been intimate for about 2 months now and as people said at the start, you had to tear us apart! He admitted he was depressed 2 months ago in an arguement and hasnt mentioned it since. I dont think he is on meds as he was before and had sucidal thoughts. He doesnt see anyone for help and lately his family have gotten worse with illness, mainly his dad and grandma. His sex drive has gone completely I think. He gave me a hug for the first time in mnay months the other day, I couldnt believe it. Then went cold at work cause we work together.

I barely see him now through the week due to my work, but he barely talks to me anymore either. People are telling me its his depression, but he is so sweet and nice to everyone else and a complete jerk to me. Theres no kissing, hugging or sex anymore and it is upsetting.

I think after reading all of these posts... there is one piece of advice I have yet to hear. If it was here and I missed it, then I apologize in advance!
Girls/Ladies/Women... you have got to listen to your inner voice. Don't dismiss your intuition and/or your gut instinct. It always tells you what you need to know, but if you are not wanting to hear that answer or believe that, then you will probably just brush it aside. 9 times out of 10, you will end up saying..."I knew it"!
A woman's intuition (and YES it exists for us all, although some stronger than others) is her most powerful ally! The reason? It is meant to prepare you, to protect you and enlighten you!!
I am lucky at my age (mid 30's) to have someone I am highly sexually compatible with and for that I count my lucky stars... but before you roll your eyes... you have no idea how LONG I had to wait for him to come around!!
I have had MANY of these same experiences with love interests in the past on my journey to my husband... and never one time was there a medical reason for it. Not to dismiss that possibility at all, but I think that is usually a SMALL percentage! It doesn't mean he is cheating or talking to someone from the past, although in my experiences it usually was the reason. Was it because of me? NO! I had to learn that if they were doing that or engaging in that ~ it had everything to do with them! Commitment phobe, adreneline junkie (when the relationship started getting routine), low self esteem on their part (needing to know women wanted them no matter what you did)... a dozen reasons. It always made me feel bad but as I got WISER I knew that maybe... I was catching a person who was distructive no matter what or they were hurt and paying back the pain on me... unfortunate timing!
Sometimes it is that the "chase" is over... as if we can run forever, please!
Sometimes it was that they had intimacy issues and getting to close literally freaked them out.
Why do I know it wasn't me? Because each and EVERY screw up that I dated... always came back and told me they didn't know what they had when they hadn't. They were RIGHT!
Listen to your gut instincts ladies and act accordingly. Really listen! If it is worth saving and working through, you will know it. Most of the time it needs to be chalked up as ~ a good run ~ but a bad choice.
I am worth being loved and wanted and made to feel wanted. SO ARE YOU!
Don't question yourself... if they love you, they can't help but want you and if they aren't fulfilling their portion of the sexual part of the relationship... they will be overwhelmed with guilt for the "Fear" of your misinterpreting it and they WILL bring it up!
That is my best advice... long hard lessons and now I hope that this MIGHT get you thinking!
Remember, NO ONE CAN LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN WELL BEING AND HAPPINESS AS WELL AS YOU CAN!!
He's out there ladies... go find the man that your mother's (and dad's) always hoped you would get!!!

ya i hope you read this thing daily because i have some good advice for you. ok so you ove him and your not gonna leave him. he knows this of course so in his mind he is thinking whatever i can fuck her whenever i want shes not going anywhere im in no rush. but if you can try to spend a little bit of time away from him and make sex less available for like a month he should start turning around...jsut try it i mean you have nothing to lose...right?

I am older I am sure. But I also want sex WAY more than my man does. Its very frustrating and hurtful. I had the misfortune of being married to someone who never wanted sex as well. The only thing I would say is to deal with as best you can for as long as you can and we may have to find men who are more compatible. I know that I WANT A HOT sex life. I can't settle and be happy in a relationship without it. I am struggling with the decision to leave... as we have been together for a few years. I had hoped for a ring but if anything my past experience tells me that it wont improve. I think he masterbates to porn all the time and has nothing but resent for me for wanting REAL sex with him!!! Its a no win situation that is bound to destroy our self esteem.

I completely understand what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We get into huge arguments about this, in fact it is the only thing we argue about. We use to have sex 2-3 times a day. Now I'm lucky to get it that much a month. He has no appetite for sex. I think about going outside our relationship becuase I think it is me and I just want to know if other guys are still attractive to me. I try everything and it breaks my heart. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else, yet at the same time, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life feeling like this. I constantly make myself available and it's always not the time. When we do have sex, it's always amazing. I'm at my wits end and do not know what to do. I know he's not cheating on me, we live together and know where each other are every minute of the day. I feel guilty wanting to outside our relationship but it's the only thing I know to do to make me feel human. I love him so much and know tha the loves me too, but I don't understand why he doesn't want me, it breaks my heart.

Too many rules there for you girl! Dont touch him, dont kiss him, dont desire him....Why should you be made to feel like a freak for wanting to be with your man sexually? DUMP HIM......someone else out there will love and appreciate your desire for a loving, physical relationship. It is HUMAN NATURE to want to be sexual...you are normal. Let him deal with his own demons...he is truly a strange bird. How about just loving him as a best friend....not intimately (it's like that now!). Find you a man that will meet your needs....this guy is SELFISH! Don't think I'm a harsh person, but I swear you will be happier with a man that will lay it on ya and love you too!