I certainly couldn't say either way what the root of the problem is. But I can speculate things... I do know from a couple of sources that certain depression medication does cause a loss of interest in sex. It also seems to me that he most certainly has reason to be depressed. Also, I know from past experience that stress and/or depression can result in a lack of interest in sex for men. It sounds to me like he has symptoms of depression... However, you are not responsible for fixing him. You are only responsible for supporting the person you love in their time of need... although he has to be willing to do the work. I would say at this point, you are not having any of your needs met in the relationship. So at some point you have to call him out on it... sort of a tough love type of thing. I would suggest that you request dinner with him, not out in public... maybe a home cooked meal. (on a side note, has his appetite changed as well? Has he lost considerable weight... because those things can be tale tale signs of depression.) If he does not accept the offer or makes it difficult then you may have to do this over the phone, if forced to, or in person if possible.
Then tell him that you have some things to say and that you would appreciate him letting you finish completely before responding. I would suggest then explaining that you can certainly see why he would have good cause to be depressed and that you can sympathize with his pain. However, at this point he has completely withdrawn from the relationship both physically and emotionally and that this has left you alone in the relationship... which has in turn caused you a great deal of pain. Tell him that you will do whatever he needs you to, in order to help get him through this time...but with that being said, he must do his part. Suggest that he go and talk to someone about his depression and all its causes. If he does not already have a doctor, then you would certainly help him find one that he would feel comfortable talking with. If he does have a doctor, tell him you would be happy to make the appointment for him... because sometimes making that call and getting to the doctors office is one of the biggest challenges that a person with severe depression faces.
Explain to him that you are willing to see him through this and support his efforts... but if he refuses to get help and/or becomes angry and adamant about not needing help or defensive at your request. Then he leaves you with your hands tied, as this is not fair to you or your relationship and you can not continue this way and risk ending up depressed as well. If he goes to the doctor they will most certainly start him on medication which might take a good month or two before you see in changes and results from the medication. Also, certainly investigate the medication that is offered and make sure that there are less cases of a loss of interest in sex. They all do have some effect but there are some that are less prone to it than others... if you do some research online, to that effect, you might be able to offer him some suggestions before starting on them that he can request of the doctor. Which may save a lot of trouble in switching meds in his treatment process.
Now, if as I mentioned earlier ~ He refuses to go or gets angry or defensive and refuses treatment... then I hate to say it, but you might have to let him go and deal with this on his own.
It may sound cold or mean... but he has an obligation in the relationship and he is failing to own up to any of them at this point. He will have to be a big boy and take the necessary steps for himself and for the sake of the relationship. As the old saying goes, if it is meant to be... set him free and he will return. You can't have this continue at risk of your own health...
Good luck!! I hope that everything turns out for the best - for him and the relationship!
Comment Reply
I certainly couldn't say either way what the root of the problem is. But I can speculate things... I do know from a couple of sources that certain depression medication does cause a loss of interest in sex. It also seems to me that he most certainly has reason to be depressed. Also, I know from past experience that stress and/or depression can result in a lack of interest in sex for men. It sounds to me like he has symptoms of depression... However, you are not responsible for fixing him. You are only responsible for supporting the person you love in their time of need... although he has to be willing to do the work. I would say at this point, you are not having any of your needs met in the relationship. So at some point you have to call him out on it... sort of a tough love type of thing. I would suggest that you request dinner with him, not out in public... maybe a home cooked meal. (on a side note, has his appetite changed as well? Has he lost considerable weight... because those things can be tale tale signs of depression.) If he does not accept the offer or makes it difficult then you may have to do this over the phone, if forced to, or in person if possible.
July 18, 2009 - 9:24amThen tell him that you have some things to say and that you would appreciate him letting you finish completely before responding. I would suggest then explaining that you can certainly see why he would have good cause to be depressed and that you can sympathize with his pain. However, at this point he has completely withdrawn from the relationship both physically and emotionally and that this has left you alone in the relationship... which has in turn caused you a great deal of pain. Tell him that you will do whatever he needs you to, in order to help get him through this time...but with that being said, he must do his part. Suggest that he go and talk to someone about his depression and all its causes. If he does not already have a doctor, then you would certainly help him find one that he would feel comfortable talking with. If he does have a doctor, tell him you would be happy to make the appointment for him... because sometimes making that call and getting to the doctors office is one of the biggest challenges that a person with severe depression faces.
Explain to him that you are willing to see him through this and support his efforts... but if he refuses to get help and/or becomes angry and adamant about not needing help or defensive at your request. Then he leaves you with your hands tied, as this is not fair to you or your relationship and you can not continue this way and risk ending up depressed as well. If he goes to the doctor they will most certainly start him on medication which might take a good month or two before you see in changes and results from the medication. Also, certainly investigate the medication that is offered and make sure that there are less cases of a loss of interest in sex. They all do have some effect but there are some that are less prone to it than others... if you do some research online, to that effect, you might be able to offer him some suggestions before starting on them that he can request of the doctor. Which may save a lot of trouble in switching meds in his treatment process.
Now, if as I mentioned earlier ~ He refuses to go or gets angry or defensive and refuses treatment... then I hate to say it, but you might have to let him go and deal with this on his own.
It may sound cold or mean... but he has an obligation in the relationship and he is failing to own up to any of them at this point. He will have to be a big boy and take the necessary steps for himself and for the sake of the relationship. As the old saying goes, if it is meant to be... set him free and he will return. You can't have this continue at risk of your own health...
Good luck!! I hope that everything turns out for the best - for him and the relationship!
This Comment
Reply