Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

I'm sorry to hear about your live-in b-f. I, too have been with my guy for a little over 2 years and have been living together for 2. Like most couples, the first year was nothing but sex, sex, sex. The past year has been a roller coaster. Sometimes twice aday, sometimes once a week! It definitely takes a toll on your self-esteem. My guy and I are both bodybuilders. I have a crazy sex drive, but his is all over the place. It's frustrating to work so hard to look lovely, then get turned down constantly. Like all of you ladies out there, it is exhausting to be the one to initiate sex or be "patient" until your partner is ready. I have totally had it with keeping quiet or just saying it's okay because I don't want to seem demanding or needy. My guy is very sweet and cuddly. He makes the sweetest comments regarding the way I look. He doesn't watch porn or go to bars with friends. I know where he is and that he is not cheating. We are best friends and have a great time together.I've heard that long term relationships are best with someone that you not only love, but are also best friends with. Still, it's frustrating. What to do when you are polar opposites in the bedroom? I love my guy dearly for sure and would never cheat to satisfy my needs.

Ladies... I have some thoughts.
One is this... I talked to my husband about it after reading a different post on this site and I feel pretty strongly about my thoughts on it. Right or wrong... Back in the earlier days, women were primarily raised to think sex was bad or wrong or dirty or whatever... Mother's didn't talk to their daughters about it and women surely didn't discuss it amongst themselves. Most women were housewives and they believed that their lot in life was to be responsible for their husbands happiness. Don't make a fuss, don't tell him no, keep a perfect house and cook the food. Basically ~ be June Cleaver.
They saw sex as a chore and were never taught (Thank the Lord for women like Dr. Laura Berman on Oprah radio) to please themselves, get in touch with their sexual side and know what they like and how they like it done. They didn't think that was part of the set up and why would they? No one really did (for the most part).
Then, thanks to the pioneer women in the 70's for paving the way, women started taking a place in the work force ~ demanding respect, demanding equal rights and equal pay. We grew stronger and more confident and in that we wanted to satisfaction from sex that men got.

Ok, this next part is a bit of a gender biase, so sorry ahead of time... but on the WHOLE not ALL but, most men love to call the shots, they love to "take" the woman and they love to make sure they are pleased! Believe me, I am all good with that... be charge in there! :-)
However, in all of that... women's needs needed to be met. It is harder for women to reach orgasm than it is for men (in some aspects... as we all know). I think a lot of men have turned to visual stimulation (that doesn't have so much "pressure" of performance) out of internet porn.
NOT ALL, but you'd be surprised how many... it is so EASILY accessible and she does whatever he likes and he doesn't have to 'wait' for her to finish. I honestly believe (as does my husband) that "that" school of thought is unbelievably selfish - to be blunt - and it's naive. Most men "when they have really reached sexual maturity" meaning they GET IT - the whole big picture, not just their own business downstairs - they enjoy the challenge of getting her there. They actually enjoy finishing "even more" themselves afterward, because it is such a turn on to them to experience that with her... and the anticipation of having to hold out is icing on the cake!!
Does all of this make sense... I definitely tried to summarize my thoughts, even though it is really long.

Basically, "your" man (husband, boyfriend, sex partner or whatever) really has to be "in love" with you. Not just "in" the relationship. But "in love", you know the feeling... in the beginning, that when you are lucky ~ still shows itself on and off during the business of our lives... because of course that feeling matures to a "better" level.

But those sexual experiences (I described above about a man's sexual maturity) renew that "in love" feeling again and again.
If you don't call a spade a spade, if you allow your sex life to continue on the way it does... it will not only crush your ZEST for love and sex and passion... it will rob you of what each of us DESERVES!!
Don't enable unhealthy behavior in a relationship. Don't allow him the cop out of "excuses after excuses" - get it on the table, make him talk whether he FEELS like it or not. Tell him to put up or hit the road. I know it sounds cruel, but the BS sex life is cruel too!

Life is too short!!! Be with someone who desires you all day long... so much so that you can tell when he gets his hands on ya!! ;-)

Hope it helped and sorry if I offended any males or females alike... wasn't my intention!!!! I just really think everyone deserves happiness and being the giver all the time, is unfair and insulting!
Now... go and make some changes, ASAP - It might take a few times of trying on shoes till you find the right pair (so to speak) but once you find that perfect fit... You will wonder what the Heck you were thinking...

I have read almost every post in this thread and find that my situation is very similar, but slightly different than most. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do here, so any and all advice is more than welcome. I met my current BF in January, immediately after leaving my husband. When I found him, I immediately knew that he was the reason I left...he is exactly what I have been looking for my entire life. We have the greatest relationship...except for sex. Here's the situation: We only see each other on the weekends, since he lives an hour away. And yes, I know he's not cheating on me as he calls me consistently in the evenings and every night before he goes to bed. What makes my situation a little different is that he is 37 years old, never married, and a former "player" who is ready to settle down. I was actually happy about the latter after 10 years in a sexless, cold relationship....thought I might get lots of action to make up for lost time! LOL He swears that his "rodeo days" are over and talks about growing old with me. He is not the type to fall in love easily and I believe that he takes it very seriously. Almost from the moment we met, we just knew that we had each found "the one." He is a southern man and has some surprisingly conservative views on a relationship. With that said, much of my situation is very similar to previous posts: Very early on, I noticed a problem. This must have started around April and has been a major issue since then. We went six weeks without having sex, from the beginning of June till mid-July, and it had been about 3 weeks before that! I finally broke it off with him and he has asked for a chance to make things right. I love him deeply, so I have. Here are the highlights:
-I would love to say we used to have sex all the time, but the truth is, we haven't. I haven't been able to enjoy that whole can't-keep-your-hands-off-of-each-other phase!
-he is very affectionate at all other times - holds my hand in public, hugs and kisses me while I'm cooking (for example), touches me every time I walk by, tells me he loves me all the time, etc. At one point, he commented that he just can't handle the way he feels about me because he loves me so much.
-we kiss a lot, but only pecks, and usually initiated by me. We never make out and I pretty much have to ask for a "good" kiss.
-at the risk of being too graphic, I am very oral with him, but he has yet to return the favor.
-he has trouble sleeping, so we don't cuddle much when we sleep together on the weekends.
-he says all of the usual, "it's not you," "I'm very attracted to you," "it's not a problem." But it IS a problem for me! Once he explained that he has spent most of his life, "for whatever reason," trying to get laid. And it's just not about that with me. I asked him if it was too intimate for him (being with someone he's in love with as opposed to the usual one-night-stand) and he said yes, that's probably exactly what it is.
-he spent 10 years in the service, so he is very intelligent, but I have an honors degree from college and he has expressed on more than one occasion that he wonders if his "lack of education" bothers me. I assure him it doesn't, the only thing that matters to me is how he treats me.
-and yes, there is a significant amount of porn on his computer's history!

At this point, I have asked about it so many times that it has become a touchy subject with him. I'm sure I just need to drop it for a while. But aside from that, I have no idea what to do! I so look forward to seeing him every weekend and am completely turned on when we're together, but almost every weekend, I am not satisfied! Could he be intimidated by me? (I have sort of a strong personality.) Could he have trouble seeing me as sexual? I mean, could it be a respect thing? Could it be that it is a level of intimacy he's not used to? I find it hard to consider that he has a form of ED given his past, although he has had some blood pressure issues recently. And I truly do not believe that this man would be with me if he found me unnattractive...which I'm not.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM THE GUYS ON THIS ONE! THANKS!

sammikay887, you don't have a problem. 2x a week is plenty with a baby! :)
that is quite natural for a new baby, esp. since it's your b/f's first baby.
sure it is less than your normal 2x a day, but with a baby comes an adjustment. anyway yes, the problem with the women in here, including me is not us. it's the men, or the situation. or could be the problem is we shouldn't be with the men we are with. but it is not us women. that is, we are still sexy and lovable whether or not the man we're with chooses or chooses not to sleep with us. ha! i'm freaking laughing. when i used to date, and i've dated a lot of wrong men meaning, i've always felt they used me for sex. but now that i think i have found the man for the first time, who is here with me for the right reason, he won't have sex with me. (scratching head).

my b/f and i just had a baby and we have decreased in the sex dept as well we used to at least 2 times a day and now more like 2 times a week! but yet i know he still masturbates. his problem is because our daughter sleeps in our room and it is uncomfortable for him! she is 5 1/2 months and always sleeping when i try anything! if ur child sleeps in ur room it may be his problem as well! i have 3 children, but this is my b/f 1st baby and it is new to him! i asked all the reg ?s do u still want me, am i still attractive to u, and the basics, but i wasn't asking the right ?s, it wasn't me its the sleeping arrangements!!! i hope maybe this helps! wanna find me and talk try www.myspace.com/icegodess87 or www.sammikay87.wordpress.com!

Can anybody help me with my problem, me and my bf has been togethet for over a year and sex in the begining was okay every other day then as the months came it was 2 or 3 times a week now its becoming twice a month. The first thing I asked him was is he cheating on me? His obvious reply was no, then I asked if he was still attracted to me, he said he still finds me attractive, I've asked him then what's wrong? He replies were I'm pressuring him, or he has something on his mind that he can't concentrate on get into " the mood ". I had an ex hubby that was about 10 yrs older then me and he was all the time 2,3,4 even 5 times a day for the past 6 years, it was an amazing relationship its jus ended cuz we grew apart, but enough of that, my bf is only 6 yrs older then me the comparioson ( and I don't like comparing the ex man to the new man ) but my ex was soo fit , he ate healthy, he was financially okay, he has a great job, now as opposed to my new man, he has a beer belly, he hates his job, he eats unhealthy, he stays up late, when he was a teen into his mid 20's he's had his share of girls, meaning being promiscous, so he tells me that he's been with a lot of girls, sex to him is nothing. Wow when he said that, it really hurt deep down inside cuz it made me feel jus another phonne number in his book, but since me and him has gotten together his family and friends are shocked that we lasted this long. I'm only the second girl that met his parents, so I know with our " problems " that we r having I know he isn't cheating on me, he tells me he never let's girls who is dating even see his parents when they come around he hides the girls, he says he love me and the reason why he chose me out of the girls he's been with, I have self respect, I'm a very organized person, I'm honest, sincere, loyal etc. That made me feel really good inside of what he says about me, but why r we having so many sex issues , he says once he loses his gut he will be more energized and perform better, but from what I see he doesn't do anything to fix the issue. He has a lifetime gym membership that he pays a certain amount each year and maybe out of that year he goes 5 times. I've even tell him not to drink alcohol, I buy groceries for the house so he would stop eating out, I drag him to a casino so we could excercise by walking all over the building, I don't know what to do anymore cuz I'm really sick and tired of arguing and fighting, over sex, I think my mind is set on a specific repetition that I went through for the past 6 years with my ex and I pplay it upon my current bf do be exactly like him. But its hard to be with someone for that long have amazing sex when and whereever we want it, to being with someone who wants it when there in the mood. Can someone help me change my mind difference and realize that not all men are the same. I want my bf to want to have sex more then me, I feel like the man in the relationship and he's the women. I don't want to feel that way anymore, I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but I don't how strong I can be to stay. I just want to feel wanted by him.

Dear anonymous against porn!

It´s quite strong what you say, but I must confess u are right. I think pornography kills sex drive in bed and we should do something about it!!! Any suggestions???
This is really going to become a world wide problem and I have to say it´s dangerous for the whole society in general... How do you make your husband not watching porn??? hmmm...

Ida

hi im also having a problem with my boyfriend not wanting to have sex wit me. He has mentioned to be the fact that we shouldnt have sex anymore because its not the "right time for us to have sex" twice in less than a month. He stills says that he wants me but i feel that he doesnt because he can say he does but he doesnt show it. So i really dont know whats wrong with him. Is it something im doing wrong?