I have read almost every post in this thread and find that my situation is very similar, but slightly different than most. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do here, so any and all advice is more than welcome. I met my current BF in January, immediately after leaving my husband. When I found him, I immediately knew that he was the reason I left...he is exactly what I have been looking for my entire life. We have the greatest relationship...except for sex. Here's the situation: We only see each other on the weekends, since he lives an hour away. And yes, I know he's not cheating on me as he calls me consistently in the evenings and every night before he goes to bed. What makes my situation a little different is that he is 37 years old, never married, and a former "player" who is ready to settle down. I was actually happy about the latter after 10 years in a sexless, cold relationship....thought I might get lots of action to make up for lost time! LOL He swears that his "rodeo days" are over and talks about growing old with me. He is not the type to fall in love easily and I believe that he takes it very seriously. Almost from the moment we met, we just knew that we had each found "the one." He is a southern man and has some surprisingly conservative views on a relationship. With that said, much of my situation is very similar to previous posts: Very early on, I noticed a problem. This must have started around April and has been a major issue since then. We went six weeks without having sex, from the beginning of June till mid-July, and it had been about 3 weeks before that! I finally broke it off with him and he has asked for a chance to make things right. I love him deeply, so I have. Here are the highlights:
-I would love to say we used to have sex all the time, but the truth is, we haven't. I haven't been able to enjoy that whole can't-keep-your-hands-off-of-each-other phase!
-he is very affectionate at all other times - holds my hand in public, hugs and kisses me while I'm cooking (for example), touches me every time I walk by, tells me he loves me all the time, etc. At one point, he commented that he just can't handle the way he feels about me because he loves me so much.
-we kiss a lot, but only pecks, and usually initiated by me. We never make out and I pretty much have to ask for a "good" kiss.
-at the risk of being too graphic, I am very oral with him, but he has yet to return the favor.
-he has trouble sleeping, so we don't cuddle much when we sleep together on the weekends.
-he says all of the usual, "it's not you," "I'm very attracted to you," "it's not a problem." But it IS a problem for me! Once he explained that he has spent most of his life, "for whatever reason," trying to get laid. And it's just not about that with me. I asked him if it was too intimate for him (being with someone he's in love with as opposed to the usual one-night-stand) and he said yes, that's probably exactly what it is.
-he spent 10 years in the service, so he is very intelligent, but I have an honors degree from college and he has expressed on more than one occasion that he wonders if his "lack of education" bothers me. I assure him it doesn't, the only thing that matters to me is how he treats me.
-and yes, there is a significant amount of porn on his computer's history!
At this point, I have asked about it so many times that it has become a touchy subject with him. I'm sure I just need to drop it for a while. But aside from that, I have no idea what to do! I so look forward to seeing him every weekend and am completely turned on when we're together, but almost every weekend, I am not satisfied! Could he be intimidated by me? (I have sort of a strong personality.) Could he have trouble seeing me as sexual? I mean, could it be a respect thing? Could it be that it is a level of intimacy he's not used to? I find it hard to consider that he has a form of ED given his past, although he has had some blood pressure issues recently. And I truly do not believe that this man would be with me if he found me unnattractive...which I'm not.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM THE GUYS ON THIS ONE! THANKS!
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I have read almost every post in this thread and find that my situation is very similar, but slightly different than most. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do here, so any and all advice is more than welcome. I met my current BF in January, immediately after leaving my husband. When I found him, I immediately knew that he was the reason I left...he is exactly what I have been looking for my entire life. We have the greatest relationship...except for sex. Here's the situation: We only see each other on the weekends, since he lives an hour away. And yes, I know he's not cheating on me as he calls me consistently in the evenings and every night before he goes to bed. What makes my situation a little different is that he is 37 years old, never married, and a former "player" who is ready to settle down. I was actually happy about the latter after 10 years in a sexless, cold relationship....thought I might get lots of action to make up for lost time! LOL He swears that his "rodeo days" are over and talks about growing old with me. He is not the type to fall in love easily and I believe that he takes it very seriously. Almost from the moment we met, we just knew that we had each found "the one." He is a southern man and has some surprisingly conservative views on a relationship. With that said, much of my situation is very similar to previous posts: Very early on, I noticed a problem. This must have started around April and has been a major issue since then. We went six weeks without having sex, from the beginning of June till mid-July, and it had been about 3 weeks before that! I finally broke it off with him and he has asked for a chance to make things right. I love him deeply, so I have. Here are the highlights:
-I would love to say we used to have sex all the time, but the truth is, we haven't. I haven't been able to enjoy that whole can't-keep-your-hands-off-of-each-other phase!
-he is very affectionate at all other times - holds my hand in public, hugs and kisses me while I'm cooking (for example), touches me every time I walk by, tells me he loves me all the time, etc. At one point, he commented that he just can't handle the way he feels about me because he loves me so much.
-we kiss a lot, but only pecks, and usually initiated by me. We never make out and I pretty much have to ask for a "good" kiss.
-at the risk of being too graphic, I am very oral with him, but he has yet to return the favor.
-he has trouble sleeping, so we don't cuddle much when we sleep together on the weekends.
-he says all of the usual, "it's not you," "I'm very attracted to you," "it's not a problem." But it IS a problem for me! Once he explained that he has spent most of his life, "for whatever reason," trying to get laid. And it's just not about that with me. I asked him if it was too intimate for him (being with someone he's in love with as opposed to the usual one-night-stand) and he said yes, that's probably exactly what it is.
-he spent 10 years in the service, so he is very intelligent, but I have an honors degree from college and he has expressed on more than one occasion that he wonders if his "lack of education" bothers me. I assure him it doesn't, the only thing that matters to me is how he treats me.
-and yes, there is a significant amount of porn on his computer's history!
At this point, I have asked about it so many times that it has become a touchy subject with him. I'm sure I just need to drop it for a while. But aside from that, I have no idea what to do! I so look forward to seeing him every weekend and am completely turned on when we're together, but almost every weekend, I am not satisfied! Could he be intimidated by me? (I have sort of a strong personality.) Could he have trouble seeing me as sexual? I mean, could it be a respect thing? Could it be that it is a level of intimacy he's not used to? I find it hard to consider that he has a form of ED given his past, although he has had some blood pressure issues recently. And I truly do not believe that this man would be with me if he found me unnattractive...which I'm not.
August 11, 2009 - 8:32amI WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM THE GUYS ON THIS ONE! THANKS!
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