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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
My problem is similar. My boyfriend of the last year has completely stopped coming on to me. It was very sudden about 6 months ago and I don't know why. The only time he wants to have sex now is when he wakes up in the morning, and even that is very rare... and fast. I have tried to talk to him about it, but understandably he gets very defensive and blames his anxiety medication. But he was taking that long before we met so I cant believe that. The first few months of our relationship was not like this. He is constantly complimenting me and saying how good I look, taking note of the current weight I have lost, etc. it doesn't seem to matter though how I dress or try to entice him nothing seems to work. I get him hard often but he does nothing with it. He makes no moves to go any further. Now recently I have found porn on our computer. I am 5'7 and only 150 pounds. I have lost weight in the last month so I can't imagine it is my appearance that has become a turn off. I am so frustrated and sad by this. I am a very sexual person. I love sex. I made this clear to him from the start and he delivered. What has changed? What am I doing.. or not doing? Please help!!!
September 4, 2011 - 3:58amThis Comment
Thanks very much for those comments, really appreciated.
August 23, 2011 - 5:54pmCommunicate is a best way to slove everything i guess.
Its not easy to start it but its really help, be strong and talk to him.
Remember, do not just bring out the issue straight away. Just listen to his speech and tell him what and how you think about it. Once you2 can sit down and communicate, slove the problem together then im quarrantee you2 will understand, care and love each other more.
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hey i have a similar problem. I have also read around to try and figure out what is going on with my boyfriend. Maybe he is stressing about something your not aware of. The best thing i can say is talk about it. Communication is the best thing. Don't jump to conclusions. Simply ask him, don't attack him. Make him feel comfortable. I know guys get a little iffy when talking about sex and why your not getting any. Try and spice things up by doing something new and different. Maybe you need some excitement. Use the element of surprise!! Take control of the situation and catch him off guard. Hope i helped! :)
August 22, 2011 - 11:03pmThis Comment
I'm having a same situation too. My bf and I have been together nearly 4months now. The first two weeks, we had sex 3times/day and almost everyday but he was really hardly come.
August 16, 2011 - 7:59pmAfter he came back from Overseas, He has to deal with his debts, need to pay it off, lost his licence for 4months and work overtime everday. He was starting changed. Our sexual life was starting less and less. I asked him "Honey, is it you are not interest having sex with me or Im not attractive enough to turn you on?". He said "No, I really interesting having sex with you, just because I'm so tired, so stress out atm, that's y". After that, I don't even get 1 from him in 2weeks :(
I also found some text, calls of him and some1 else from overseas and some pics of the girl on the laptop as well (after he back from holiday but had been deleted). I brought it out and talked to him about it, I even told him that I don't trust him at all, not even 20% and I really need a break. But he told me that was a girl he know before me. He said he didn't serious with me like all the girls he was be with. But now he found out he loves me and will fix the problem, never let it happen again; didn't cheat on me or do something behind me, he said. He also promised that he will do something to make me trust him again.
Look, we see each other everyday, do things together, solve the problem together. He also plan to get a house next year, then i move in live with him, then have babies together.
LOL>..... I really don't know what i can do? so lost atm :( Is he love me thro???
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What will make YOU happy? Will you be happy living in a house with him and having babies?
August 17, 2011 - 11:28pmIts only been 4 months. There is no need to rush on anything.
A guy who goes overseas and comes back acting all distant and less sexually active with his girlfriend is odd to me.
It all depends how long he has been overseas. Is it part of his job?
Does he go for school or vacational?
You should always trust your boyfriend UNTIL he breaks your trust. If he hasn't done anything, or shows he hasn't, then keep trusting him.
How are you going to trust him if he keeps going overseas? Can you live with that? Do you believe him when he says he was into a girl before you? Or do you think he met her overseas?
Now, let's think about you.....
I think you should stop prying him, asking him and getting on his case if you have. It only makes it worst. Wait until he crawls out of his shell.
Do you own thing, find what makes you happy instead of thinking about him all the time. You sound needy, and you aren't needy, missy. You are a strong woman who wants to be with someone who loves you and whom you can trust. If he is your guy, then don't worry about it and worry about your own goals before you worry about your future goals with him.
If he loves you, he won't leave, cheat or play with you. You just need to put yourself first before you think about him. And then he will realize you may do just fine without him, which will make him actually try and do what he says he will do.
Remember, thrive for a guy who is doing, not saying. Many just say things, but look out for his actions and listen to your feelings when you observe them. Don't question him about them, just find the anwer yourself. What you feel is what matters.
Nat.
This Comment
What will make YOU happy? Will you be happy living in a house with him and having babies?
August 17, 2011 - 11:27pmIts only been 4 months. There is no need to rush on anything.
A guy who goes overseas and comes back acting all distant and less sexually active with his girlfriend is odd to me.
It all depends how long he has been overseas. Is it part of his job?
Does he go for school or vacational?
You should always trust your boyfriend UNTIL he breaks your trust. If he hasn't done anything, or shows he hasn't, then keep trusting him.
How are you going to trust him if he keeps going overseas? Can you live with that? Do you believe him when he says he was into a girl before you? Or do you think he met her overseas?
Now, let's think about you.....
I think you should stop prying him, asking him and getting on his case if you have. It only makes it worst. Wait until he crawls out of his shell.
Do you own thing, find what makes you happy instead of thinking about him all the time. You sound needy, and you aren't needy, missy. You are a strong woman who wants to be with someone who loves you and whom you can trust. If he is your guy, then don't worry about it and worry about your own goals before you worry about your future goals with him.
If he loves you, he won't leave, cheat or play with you. You just need to put yourself first before you think about him. And then he will realize you may do just fine without him, which will make him actually try and do what he says he will do.
Remember, thrive for a guy who is doing, not saying. Many just say things, but look out for his actions and listen to your feelings when you observe them. Don't question him about them, just find the anwer yourself. What you feel is what matters.
Nat.
This Comment
oops. Tuition = intuition from most recent posts
August 16, 2011 - 2:13amThis Comment
This sounds all to familiar. I am going through this right now, I have little to now desire to have sex with my girlfriend. I still find her attractive, bottom line, she turns me down to many times so now I just feel it's not worth the effort anymore.
August 15, 2011 - 9:06pmThis Comment
I am the same situation and it's torturing me emotionally, I finally decided to move out and I think it's the best solution. I have no doubt he is getting sex somewhere.
August 7, 2011 - 12:10pmThis Comment
I am the girl who posted on July 29th I believe, and is "blind".
August 9, 2011 - 10:20pmWell, as it turns out, my boyfriend was getting sex from someone else and a week ago, he wanted a break.
I said to him, "Here's your break, fu** off you bastard" and I got rid of all contact and everything that reminded me of him. He is nonexistant now. Stupid idiot didn;t have the balls to tell me for over a month that he was drifting and seeing someone else when clearly, my tuition told me so. Listen to your tuition ladies. We have it for a reason. We can smell something is up a mile away. Don't think he is stressed and isn't getting any sex at all. Men love sex just as much as we do, and if he hasn't slept with you for almost a month, something is really wrong.
And the more you pry him, the more he backs away and then when he does back away, he will often blame you and you may believe him. "You were going crazy and i can't handle that," was my Now EX's excuse, but he is manipulative and he wasn't man enough to say that it was his issue. I'm so happy I got out of that mess. I hated being anxious all the time just because my man was being a dick. Not my problem anymore. I only wasted 5 months of my life. I hope you don't wast more than that.
Nat
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