Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

I had a friend who dated this girl for 3 years. In that time, she became a sex addict, and they would have sex 3 and 4 times a day, and my friend actually started hating sex. He hated to have sex, and it took him a very long time to get used to the idea again.

I'm not saying that this is your problem, but it does happen.

I'm a guy - I came looking for information because I don't want to have sex with my girlfriend. -Lately. I am trying to understand it better myself.

I have never cheated. I have not, would not, and neither am I interested in being with anyone else. Although I am usually slow to warm up to physical relationships, when I am in one, I have a very high sex drive. This "no sex vibe" spooks me out, even though I know the reasons why... My girlfriend is becoming unsettled now. I know I still love sex. We have been doing "other stuff", but not actual sex.

I know exactly the reason I feel this way towards her, and I have felt similar feelings towards past Ex-GFs. I know that if my girlfriend is insulting, boldly lying, or disloyal -it kills the trust. Which makes the sex feel hypocritical for a while. Another factor in the past, GF refusing to perform certain sexual acts or have sex in certain positions. This becomes a huge turn off over the months.

Probably the biggest reasons I will avoid having sex, is if the girl I am involved with wants to have a baby. I avoided sex for a 6-month relationship based mainly on that reason alone. This tends to scream out "I never want to marry you!" so most men won't explain this reasoning to you. And, many guys are secretly worried you will attempt to get pregnant on purpose and against our wishes.

I have been with my partner for two and a half years, we've lived together for two. we used to have sex all the time but for almost a year now we hardley ever have sex. Maybe one or twice a month. He does'nt really like me touching him as he says I'm tickling him. when i try to initiate sex he says he doesn't feel clean but then after he has showered he says he's tired. He sometimes gets quite playful and touchy which turns me on but then he just goes back to what he was doing and leaves me totally frustrated. when i try talking to him about it he says he's tired, but even on his days off he doesn't feel like it. He tells me he thinks i'm beautiful everyday and he is very loving, always doing other things to look after me which makes me really confused. I know he likes to watch porn when i'm away and sometimes if i go to bed before him so why doesn't he want sex? He is working part time at the minute so surely he is not that tired all the time. I feel really unattractive and long to feel wanted by him sexually.

Ok I am glad I found this site because I have been having the exact same problem too. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years. We don't have sex like we used to in the beginning of our relationship but we were at least sex 2 times a week, now we haven't had sex for over a month. The last time we had sex was before he went on vacation and while he was on vacation we were texting each other saying how much we missed each other and how we couldn't wait to have sex. When he got back we did oral and that was it. Since then that is all we have done is oral and that's at least once to twice a week. We both have just graduated from college and he had to move back home. I may end up back home very soon and me moving and talking about apartment stuff has stressed us both out. We also have both started new jobs so I know that stresses him out too. Another thing I believe stresses him out is talking about moving in together and me possibly just moving closer to him. In the past we have had moments in our relationship where he has said our relationship is just about sex. I've never believed that and I know he couldn't either because there has been so much we do besides sex.

Recently after fulling around but no sex happened after I asked him what was going on. He said he just hasn't felt like it and his biggest excuse was that he is uncomfortable with the way I take my birth control and he is afraid of getting me pregnant but he wears a condom too and then he is uncomfortable with the fact we are always at his parents house and we aren't even allowed to sleep in the same bed when I stay over. I asked him again today and he just keeps saying he hasn't felt like it.

I don't want to worry about because everything else has been great and we are having fun. I just keep thinking he is stressed about all this other stuff going on. I just can't believe though while he was gone all that stuff we talked about related to sex and it just never happened. I also hope it wouldn't be an attraction issue because we still do sexual things just not intercourse. I don't know I would appreciate some advice. I do want to talk to him again but I don't want him to think all I care about is sex. Thanks!

Tiffany B

Dear Anonymous, June 28, 1:54 pm,

I have already written some lines here... I am sorry for you, all the women like us...and myself:D. You could read above that my bf and I are going to try therapy, so I wonder what it'll bring....

Now I am writing to you cause I'd like to suggest some e-mail chat to you and all the other troubled women. I think it could help us a little if we tell each other the news about our relationships, solutions etc. I would be glad to hear from any of you...

Ida

(Moderator note: I removed the personal email link, as these are not allowed on this site. If you would like to continue a discussion, please feel free to login to the empowher site with a username (you are currently "anonymous"), and you may use the empowher message system (click on "My Messages"), or continue the discussion with updates on this thread. Thanks!)

I am in a similar situation. I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year, and after the first three months our sex-life slowed right down, and now we can go 5 weeks without sex. It is not so much the sex itself I miss, but I am starting to feel unattractive and unfeminine.

We have a good relationship in other ways, he is very caring and cuddly etc, but whenever I bring up the sex thing he gets awkward and all I get is "its not you" and "we just need to organise better". Really, when you live together, how difficult is organizing sex once in 5 weeks? He has said to me both that it has been an issue with past partners, and that he has sex less with me than with his previous girlfriends. He is also quite open about the sexually adventurous things he did with his exes, and this just makes me feel a bit paranoid. I am open-minded though and can't see that I am boring to be the root of the problem.

We have discussed this numerous times, but the fact that he immediately gets awkward when I try to talk about the problem has made it difficult (I always try and be gentle when I bring it up, and do so by saying 'you know I am extremely happy in our relationship, but we have sex less than I am used to, and I am just wondering why, the frequency is not an issue for me, but I just want to make sure there isn't an underlying problem'). He usually responds a bit evasively with:

- it's not you
- I still find you attractive (of course, I have paranoid moments when my sex starved brain finds this hard to believe)
- circumstances get in the way (for months on end?)

I asked him when he was drunk if it was work stress and he said 'a little bit' and if shyness stopped him initiating sex ever and he said 'a little bit', but it felt a bit like he was placating me. What is it? We are both successful in our careers, and work away quite a lot, so it is not like there is a lack of independence - even when I have been away for a week, he doesn't want sex when I get back! I have said to him a couple of times that if he doesn't feel the spark sexually for me any more we could consider having an open relationship so we could keep the good thing we have and he get to have sex with someone he is attracted to, and he replied 'don't be silly'. I find it hard to believe he has a low sex drive because we used to have sex, and he also had a long-run sexual affair in his last relationship, which surely someone with no sex drive wouldn't do? I'm confused.

I'm so glad that this is on here! I just knew if I looked I would find this! My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years now. We have a 9 month old and I have a 3 year old from a pervious relationship. We stop having sex all together when I got pregnant because he freaked out about me being pregnant. Now since we have had her our sex life has been on drag. I have never felt so rejected in my life! And nope I'm not fat I run everyday and eat right back to my normal size within the first month of having my second one. He was just no longer interested in having sex wtih me. Its so heart breaking to say because I belive that sex is what brings you close. We are both young I'm 23 and he is 24. Money is tight and I know that is stressfull on both of us. But now reading these posts I am really starting to think we spend waaaaaaay to much time together. We are together all the time! I mean when you have 2 kids its hard to get out. But I think I'm just going to start to push him out of the house and make him do things without me. We need our time apart and maybe (God I hope) things will get better. Anyboy with a similar situation I would love to hear it!