I am in a similar situation. I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year, and after the first three months our sex-life slowed right down, and now we can go 5 weeks without sex. It is not so much the sex itself I miss, but I am starting to feel unattractive and unfeminine.
We have a good relationship in other ways, he is very caring and cuddly etc, but whenever I bring up the sex thing he gets awkward and all I get is "its not you" and "we just need to organise better". Really, when you live together, how difficult is organizing sex once in 5 weeks? He has said to me both that it has been an issue with past partners, and that he has sex less with me than with his previous girlfriends. He is also quite open about the sexually adventurous things he did with his exes, and this just makes me feel a bit paranoid. I am open-minded though and can't see that I am boring to be the root of the problem.
We have discussed this numerous times, but the fact that he immediately gets awkward when I try to talk about the problem has made it difficult (I always try and be gentle when I bring it up, and do so by saying 'you know I am extremely happy in our relationship, but we have sex less than I am used to, and I am just wondering why, the frequency is not an issue for me, but I just want to make sure there isn't an underlying problem'). He usually responds a bit evasively with:
- it's not you
- I still find you attractive (of course, I have paranoid moments when my sex starved brain finds this hard to believe)
- circumstances get in the way (for months on end?)
I asked him when he was drunk if it was work stress and he said 'a little bit' and if shyness stopped him initiating sex ever and he said 'a little bit', but it felt a bit like he was placating me. What is it? We are both successful in our careers, and work away quite a lot, so it is not like there is a lack of independence - even when I have been away for a week, he doesn't want sex when I get back! I have said to him a couple of times that if he doesn't feel the spark sexually for me any more we could consider having an open relationship so we could keep the good thing we have and he get to have sex with someone he is attracted to, and he replied 'don't be silly'. I find it hard to believe he has a low sex drive because we used to have sex, and he also had a long-run sexual affair in his last relationship, which surely someone with no sex drive wouldn't do? I'm confused.
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I am in a similar situation. I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year, and after the first three months our sex-life slowed right down, and now we can go 5 weeks without sex. It is not so much the sex itself I miss, but I am starting to feel unattractive and unfeminine.
We have a good relationship in other ways, he is very caring and cuddly etc, but whenever I bring up the sex thing he gets awkward and all I get is "its not you" and "we just need to organise better". Really, when you live together, how difficult is organizing sex once in 5 weeks? He has said to me both that it has been an issue with past partners, and that he has sex less with me than with his previous girlfriends. He is also quite open about the sexually adventurous things he did with his exes, and this just makes me feel a bit paranoid. I am open-minded though and can't see that I am boring to be the root of the problem.
We have discussed this numerous times, but the fact that he immediately gets awkward when I try to talk about the problem has made it difficult (I always try and be gentle when I bring it up, and do so by saying 'you know I am extremely happy in our relationship, but we have sex less than I am used to, and I am just wondering why, the frequency is not an issue for me, but I just want to make sure there isn't an underlying problem'). He usually responds a bit evasively with:
- it's not you
- I still find you attractive (of course, I have paranoid moments when my sex starved brain finds this hard to believe)
- circumstances get in the way (for months on end?)
I asked him when he was drunk if it was work stress and he said 'a little bit' and if shyness stopped him initiating sex ever and he said 'a little bit', but it felt a bit like he was placating me. What is it? We are both successful in our careers, and work away quite a lot, so it is not like there is a lack of independence - even when I have been away for a week, he doesn't want sex when I get back! I have said to him a couple of times that if he doesn't feel the spark sexually for me any more we could consider having an open relationship so we could keep the good thing we have and he get to have sex with someone he is attracted to, and he replied 'don't be silly'. I find it hard to believe he has a low sex drive because we used to have sex, and he also had a long-run sexual affair in his last relationship, which surely someone with no sex drive wouldn't do? I'm confused.
June 28, 2009 - 1:54pmThis Comment
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