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i'm newly married but i always keep myself away from being intercourse with my husband because I'm scared of sex for the first time. He sometimes angry with me but i'm totally helpless. Whenever we proceed for intercourse but i feel fear of pain and resist him doing intercourse. Please help me so that i can remove this tension and keep my husband happy. I don't want to be scared of sex.
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Dear Anon,
I'm sorry about this fear you have. Unfortunately, you will not find any credible or respectable doctor that will put you to sleep and insert dildos (if this is what you mean by Penis object) into you.
What you can do is that instead of jumping right into sex, you can purchase dildos of different sizes, starting with the smallest one and also purchase a water-based lubricant and use as much as you need to. This is a fear that is best to take steps with, but not necessary to be put to sleep for :)
Wishing you the best,
Rosa
October 20, 2011 - 6:57amThis Comment
Reading this post brought back my own memories. We were considering to do vaginal but I was afraid due to obvious reasons (unwanted pregnancy as the first one). I am still single and want to build a career before I can bring myself to have a child and take care of one.
September 13, 2011 - 7:37pmHowever, even with anal, I do remember my own first experience. I think I cried and he had to stop because of the pain I had felt. The pain also did not go for two days as I think the body was adjusting to it. The fear of sex I completely agree with so many women above is such a natural feeling. I am sure the fear of the unknown lives in all of us. But I realized and overtime, that the anal was manageable provided it was not rough.
To be honest, despite having the small experiences I have had, I still am a bigger fan of foreplay and oral more than the actual act of sex (perhaps because I myself have not experienced vaginal as yet)
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Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and welcome to EmpowHer. Since you are generally concerned only at the time of possible sexual contact...I would assume there may be an underlying fear of PAIN due to your past experience which was an unpleasent one. Sex is not pain...it is certainly more of an enjoyable experience instead of something to fear. The main thing here is, you may possibly want to seek out some therapy since you had a painful experience with the molestation. It certainly may be the reasoning behind your fears. Can you keep us posted on your progress?
Good luck,
September 11, 2011 - 9:41amMissie
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I'm not really sure if what I went through is causing this problem for me. I'm not uncomfortable with being close to my boyfriend in any way. I really think the only thing I'm afraid of is pain. I've been comfortable with anything else I've experienced with him. I think I've just heard so many bad stories about sex hurting so bad the first time that I'm freaking myself out. I want to just accept that it may hurt a little bit. Also that it's not this unbearable pain that I'm going to like die from or something. I just needed to talk to people who could give me some advice. And just reading about other people's experiences and reading your comment has already made me feel so much better. By the way my name is Jennifer. I posted anonymously just to be safe.
September 13, 2011 - 6:13pmThis Comment
Hi. I went on google and searched how to get over the fear of having sex for the first time and it led me to this site. I have been with my boyfriend for four years and I know that he is the man I want to marry. I feel like such a baby because we still haven't had sex because of me. I always prepare myself and tell myself it's not going to be that bad, but then as soon as we are about to I freak out and tighten up and then the mood is gone. I know that I want to have sex with him, but I just get so freaked out about how bad the pain will be. I probably have the lowest pain tolerance in the world so that is why I get so freaked out. I saw above that there is a question that asks if I've ever been sexually assaulted. I was molested at a very young age. Could that really be affecting me now? I just want to get past the fear of how bad it's going to hurt so I can move on with my life. If anyone has any words of wisdom or encouragement I would really appreciate it.
September 11, 2011 - 9:19amThis Comment
I feel you. We have the same situation. I feel like I am not normal for having this kind of fear for pain. I don't know what to do, or how to overcome this. I am really upset.
June 18, 2015 - 11:49amThis Comment
Hi Susan,
Reading through many of these posts, lots of the problems described sound like they are related to a condition called Vaginismus. I have suffered from this my whole life. At 20 years old, I have never been able to successfully insert a tampon, or have penetrative intercourse with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. I have seen a few doctors about this, but they have been largely unhelpful. I'm terrified that I'll never be cured, because I'm so uncomfortable with even looking/touching my own vagina, as well as the prospect of stretching, tearing and pain. I just clench up, and can't seem to unclench. The sexual aspect of my relationship has almost completely fizzled, like he's given up. Otherwise our relationship is fantastic, but I feel that we don't seem to get to the point of possible intercourse any more. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? It has been suggested that I try dilation? If anyone has any suggestions I would be grateful for any help.
June 5, 2011 - 2:01amThis Comment
hiee....even i m married for three years and still scared of intercourse
June 19, 2011 - 2:00amat start my condition was horrible....i was not even lying properly on bed due to fear..and use to cry, slowly and slowly 1 year passed and i was able to sleep relaxed...but just use to tighten my legs and again my hubby was unable to enter me...and then i decided to insert something in my vagina..like a round instrument like... backside of the hairbrush and anything which is like penis round in shape..but i use to wash it wid soap....and then insert ...three months i tried but still i was feared to insert these thngs and one day i tried hard and inserted it ..and it went 2 inches deep..i was unable to insert it further as i was scared thn i started doing it neary for 8 months and due to this my vagina has enlarged much as b4 and now my triying more big instruments same as size of penis
u can see my improvement..first i was unable to sleep properly....then i was tightening my self...and finally i tried other things similar to penis shape and size and now i have to only make up my mind for intercourse ...so please dont get worried
it will get better n better wid time...ok :)
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Hello Susan,
I have been married for 1 year and 8 months but I haven't had sex yet with my husband. I am really scared of having a sexual intercourse with him. We tried to have sex many times but always failed due to my fear on it. I know it is unusual for us that we have been married for almost 2 years but nothing happened between us when it comes to sexual intercourse. Yes, we did foreplay and I was so wet but when he began to insert his penis to my vagina, my fear started to increase. Deep inside, I know in my heart that I want it but my problem is that how to overcome my fear and do the first step. I know, there is always a first step in everything. I already read the above post and I think I have the same problem with Anon and Hope.
Needs help,
June 4, 2011 - 1:18pmLovely
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when trying to do sex i am not getting excited due to fear for sex.what to do?
April 29, 2011 - 10:12amThis Comment