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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest

Im 21 he is 23, we have been together about a year. In the begining we had sex all the time. Now I'm lucky if I get it once a week and it seems to be getting closer to once every two weeks. I love him, I would never cheat on him...but I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to have sex, sometimes we'll be in public and he'll tell me he wants to have sex when we get home but as soon as we get in bed he turns away from me and goes to sleep. I've never had a man I was dating turn me down before, I feel unwanted and my confidence is lowering. I'm adventurous in bed and I think I have a decent body...so I don't know why he doesn't want it? He's 23 these should be his prime years? He doesn't have a problem getting hard, in fact sometimes he'll be hard so I'll try to initiate sex but he says he's not horny (then why is he hard?) I know his last girlfriend rarely had sex with him so maybe that's why? When I ask him about it he says he's still attracted to me and he says there is no real reason why he doesn't want to. Just that he doesnt feel like it and it makes him mad when I ask him. I'm frustrated and crying all the time because of how unwanted I feel...I know its not good for me to feel this way. I don't want to leave him because I love him and he has good qualities...but I don't know how long I can let myself feel this way.

February 24, 2013 - 10:51am
EmpowHER Guest

So, we've been together for almost 3 years and we stopped having sex for about 6 month ago.
I want to have sex but he keeps rejecting me and when i'm trying to talk abut it he changes the subject .
At the beginning of our relationship we were very active in bed .. .. and now .. puff it stopped .
At this point i'm thinking its something wrong with me, or that he doesnt feel attracted to me/my body anymore .
Any points of view ??

January 14, 2013 - 8:52am
EmpowHER Guest

I have been with my guy for 12 years now.. I moved in 4 years ago. But before I moved in we found out that I have herpies.. (Which is something I had told him years before I thought I had) He told me, we will only cuddle no more funny stuff!! I was HURT!! But with time we sorta talked things out and we were kinda back to normal. I moved in. But as time went on, I started to see the change... we cuddle but nothing else. For the past 3year or so i'm lucky if I get sex 4times a year.. We have great talks great cuddles! Together time awesome!!! NO ROMANCE!!! we have talked of getting married:)) I was almost 200lbs but for my build it looked like I was 165.. Im now 140! He told me if I became healthy (doctor said I was unhealthy and heart problems runs in my fathers side.) So I did it!! when I asked him, when will we he, said. I will if you want me too.. I, said. Thats not a good reason! He then remined me of how he felt of marrage. But that he would marry because he dident want to loose me. Again, I'm thinking not good. No sex.. Not married! I have loved him all my life!!!! Waited for him to come on this same path with me! But I can feel myself being pulled in another diraction. I need that love to make me feel!!! I think I would rather be alone then to be in a house that I have made a home... Home is supposed to be where your heart is... My heart was once in this home. I am looseing all feeling.. Sex is not soo important! but once in a great while has made me depressed! Fat!! I have done the whole retail therepy to help with this pain! I would come home from work and just sleep:(( My body was sooo willing and wanting of him!! He would tell me I was too easy for him!?? Agh yea!! I love you!! But we never say that either.. I am going for therepy to help with the pain of not feeling, being wanted.. I love my honey bear! but I feel like best friends who just sleep together:(((

January 7, 2013 - 10:33pm
EmpowHER Guest

Im glad im not the only one, we have sex but very minimally and it doesnt last long. We have been together for 3 years and he used ask for sex all the time now im the one asking for sex, apparently ive become a "nympho" because i ask so much... he never used to like porn but now thats all he watches and he prefers masturbating to having sex.. help

January 7, 2013 - 6:36pm
EmpowHER Guest

Im so happy so many are in the same boat! My bf and I have been together 5 and a half years, were still at uni but when I come home we live together alone. I've just had 4 weeks off for Christmas which is the longest I will get off until June! and we will only see eachother 2 weekends a month which is already difficult. So to my surprise in this 4 weeks, we have only had sex twice....we do it more on a rushed weekend that I'm home. I understand if he is used to me being away but we made a big deal about being excited to have 4 full weeks together and stuff. I feel like shit when he chooses to play playstation all hours into the night over being in bed with me or play on his phone or talk with his friends from FIFA. I get my hopes up every night and literally in my head think "please please please let it be tonight" and through all my efforts, looking like an idiot...nothing! Every morning...nothing! he leaves bed for a shower and I move over to his side just to smell him and I just repeatedly think "Im fat" "Im naggy" "Im unattractive" "Im not sexy" "He wishes I was someone else". I love him to pieces and I think I could deal with him saying "I just don't want sex for a while" but the sudden change and lack of kissing or touching is hurting me so much I feel unwanted and like I'm just there to clean up, make his food, company and cuddle him. I just want some answers and hopefully and answer that will give some sort of solution like I'll lose some weight or I'll be adventurous or we will wait for marriage I dont know! PHWEW feels so good to get it out, anyway I'm leaving tomorrow for uni again and I will let him know one last time how I feel so he can think about what he wants over the next couple of weeks without me there.

January 3, 2013 - 5:44am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

OH my goodness! When I read that after he gets out of bed for a shower you roll over onto his side just to smell him, I totally started to cry because that is SO me! I do the EXACT same thing; then I go through that dreaded list of all the things that could possibly be wrong with me and have a good cry to start my day. ;'( Hope things have gotten better for you. Love and light you you babygirl.

May 20, 2014 - 1:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I think when we get comfortable in our relationships, we assume the partner is too. It is winter, our bodies are covered, and men aren't attracted to our sweatshirts and pants. I think you will just need to plan a good time to seduce him. Wait until he has his shower, and he is turning in for the night, put on something that you think he would like to take off and go for it. We can't always wait for him to make the first move.

January 3, 2013 - 1:07pm
EmpowHER Guest

Well i kind of have the same problem but maybe mine is worst, i been dating my guy for s little bit more than 3 years, at first we would always used to have sex at all times. Then its been two years since we had sex. Lastime we had sex i got pregnant but i had an abortion that he agreed on. But since then we dont have sex. Wat do I do?

December 31, 2012 - 2:25am
EmpowHER Guest

Its not rocket science. The fact that he doesnt want to have sex with you has nothing to do with stress. When he told you it wasnt you, he was being only partially honest. Sometimes guys just get tired of having sex with the same girl for so long. They don't mean to hurt you in not wanting to have sex anymore. It's just become monotonous to them. Its like if someone were to ask what your favorite food was. Lets say it was steak. Would you still like steak if it all you had to eat for 3 years? I know I wouldnt. Other foods would start to look pretty enticing to me while steak would almost seem revolting. Let me ask you this, though. Have you gained a little weight since you've started dating him? If you have, this could be another reason he isnt as sexually attracted to you anymore.
Anyway. Guys arent that hard to figure out. There's a reason he prefers pronography to sex now.

December 15, 2012 - 3:47pm
EmpowHER Guest

Wow, I am so glad to see that so many other woman are going through what I am. I literally felt like the only girl who is going through this! My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. We've always had a pretty good sex life but for a couple of months now, he's wanted nothing to do with me. If I try he gets angry, I ask him why he suddenly has no interest in me and he says it's nothing. Then he told me that it's because I want to have sex so badly that it makes him not want to have sex. What does he expect though? Going from getting it whenever I wanted to not getting it at all is HARD. I've told him it makes me feel unwanted and not good enough for him. And if we DO have sex I can tell that he is just doing it to shut me up. Which makes me feel even worse. We've gotten into huge arguments over it and all he has to say for himself is that "it will pass". I've never EVER had a boyfriend that has passed up an opportunity to have sex. I just DK what to think or do anymore!

December 11, 2012 - 5:21pm
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