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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
Ok smart guy .... what if we have tried communicating with our bf's and they don't want to talk? Communicating goes both ways. FYI ... I am far from controlling!
July 6, 2011 - 12:13pmThis Comment
Never claimed to be a smart guy but just giving my opinion out of frustration but as always when things does not go your way , you get mad ad you just keep on finding reasons to explain the fact that you want to control (read a little bit some of the ladies comments).
July 6, 2011 - 5:57pmHave you heard of patience ??? and where do you put love in this?
Because he does not give me sex (especially for the one married) i am contemplating cheating or ending the relation ... Me, i call that selfishness. And surprisingly very few tell them that a relation is not only sex and having the person do what YOU think there are supposed to.
A man can think of you being controlling when you allow sex frequently in your terms (this is something that build up a slowly and hurt us as human being .Because we also have feelings).
That is one of the reason they turn to porn because there is no rejection in porn. Seeing you begging for it is very satisfactory because they have a feeling of regained power. But unfortunately for you their already hooked up in porn (and believe me or not you helped turn him into what he became) . I am just sharing one of the things i think can be a reason .
Thanks .
And for the "i am far from controlling" that's just what YOU think.
From your "smart guy".
PS: not a native English speaker.
This Comment
So are u saying that its ok when a guy isn't getting it at home from his Gf, he is justified in cheating on her but when a girl does it, she is a nympho and control freak? That doesn't make sense. Women have needs just like men and if that means goin somewhere else to have her needs met, then she should be woman enough to end the relationship . Guys cheat and try to hide it!
July 7, 2011 - 2:50amThis Comment
It is so funny how ladies react when their being rejected...
(i came through this post looking for answers on how to deal with being rejected by your girlfriend)
Considering even ending up the relation and stuff just because of sex.
Mostly when you ladies reject a man ,you do not give a second though about how he could be hurt (i am one of them and damn tired of always begging my girl to get it ... almost feeling like a sexual addict).
When it is the man , ladies mostly say back to him if you love me you will understand me . And also you love me for myself or for sex ?
So allow myself to give you the same treatment :
If you do "love" him why do you care so much about sex ?
You want to end a loving relation because you don't get enough
f ucking ? if it was a man all of you will be bashing him for being a jerk .
anyway sex is not everything in the relation right ?
back at you ladies
July 4, 2011 - 8:48pmPs: sorry if my english not perfect (i am not a native speaker)
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Actually, it is a well known fact that sex is part of a healthy relationship. It isn't a huge part but it is a part of it. Sex is another way to show your partner that you love them. Its called being intimate. My bf has suffered from PTSD from being in Iraq, but he blames his drinking habit on that. We have talked about this and I understand that he has been thru some stuff, I myself am in the Army and know firsthand that deployments put a strain on a relationship. The only thing I don't understand is that when we are sitting around with our friends, he is very open about sex. He can talk about the subject all day long but when it comes to acting on it, its like he just doesn't want to do anything with me. I am by no means a sex addict but it would be nice to be intimate with my bf every now and then. I do love him but I have been wondering if loving him just isn't enough.
July 5, 2011 - 8:44amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
Your relationship may have turmoil left over from the war. I was married to a man that went to Bosnia and never returned the same. Sadly, he never made it home from Iraq. I now find myself in a relationship with another Army man who is deployed to Afghanistan. We can only imagine waking up to bombs going off or having to watch as fellow soldiers die or worse, killing someone. It may be PTSD, post traumatic stress syndrome that causes him to be a sexless. Did he have any issues while serving?
Good luck,
July 4, 2011 - 1:19pmMissie
This Comment
I am goin thru a similar situation. My bf of almost 2 years was away in Iraq for a year. I assumed that when he came home, we would be in the bedroom the first few days of him being back. It didn't happen until 3 months after his return and he was drunk when we did it. I have sat him down and talked to him about it and how intimacy is a part of a healthy relationship. I don't expect it multiple times a day or every day but it would be nice to get it once a week. I go out with my gf's every once in a while and I am contantly getting hit on by guys so I know I am still attractive. I just wish I was attractive to him. When I ask him about this he ignores me or changes the subject. Its very frusterating. I have gone as far as to tell him that if he doesn't start fulfilling my needs in the bedroom, I will find it elsewhere. I don't want that and if it does come to cheating on him, I would just end the relationship completely. I just want to be happy.
July 4, 2011 - 11:43amThis Comment
Guys really do love to cheat.. they're all assholes!!!
June 28, 2011 - 3:08amThis Comment
My boyfriend stopped having sex with me for the past six months and he recently told me he has been watching porn. He told me that he wanted to masturbate to porn rather having sex with me, because he doesn't want to foreplay, tease, wear protection or etc. Basically, he doesn't want to try hard to get sex and that is why he's been turning to porn. I was so sad at first that I didn't want to be touched by him for a very long time. If a guy doesn't want to have sex with you for a long period of time, I suspect that he is getting it somewhere else but it doesn't necessarily mean cheating. Sex doesn't mean everything in a healthy relationship, but it is definitely an essential part of the relationship. I feel so deprived that crazy things go through my mind like cheating on him and breaking up with him, but my conscience stops me from doing so. I feel like it's selfish of my boyfriend to turn to porn to get easy sex, but at the same time I am resenting myself for being a not so compatible girlfriend for him. Everyday goes by, more and more I feel unattractive, unwanted, ugly, worthless, and sad. I don't think healthy relationships are supposed to make me feel so worthless and like garbage. I haven't left my boyfriend yet and he hasn't changed one bit even after we had a talk over this issue. I suggest you try to work this issue out with him or find a new life without him.
June 26, 2011 - 10:15amThis Comment
im going through the same thing...what a guy doesnt realize is that it really effects your self esteem. theres always the question you ask yourself when this happens...am i fat? am i bad? did i do something wrong? is he cheating? all these questions can taunt a girl...especially if its the man shes in love with. all i can say is that you just have to realize theres so many other men out there who would kill to take your mans place. the longer your with this guy the longer you have to wait for "HIM".
June 24, 2011 - 10:24amThis Comment