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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
mother of three, It's just plain low libido on his part. With the way the economy is going, and the depressed state of affairs of the world, our men are becoming lazy in bed...they have no energy and our *nagging* makes the whole thing worst. Don't get angry at me if I used the word nagging. I'm in the same position as you. I'm just as frustrated as I have the same problem, and it makes me sad to see so many, so many women are going through the same thing with their men. The media isn't helping us...what we read in magazines are all lies. Men do not have sex on their head 24/7. They probably do, but it doesn't translate to having a man all ready for sex in bed with their wives, girlfriends, etc. Men, if you are here reading these, can you shed some light??? What can we do to help? What can you MEN DO to help. I mean, this is a partnership. One participant in a couple can't do it alone. Shed some light please. Let us hear your side. Is it low libido? Stress? What is it? Work?
July 24, 2009 - 12:09pmOne thing I know for sure, the brain is a powerful thing...and the part where the sex comes from is way different part where the brain comes from when it's thinking about work, money, etc.
This Comment
Ahh! One thing I have to say right now is 9 times out of 10 - SEXY LINGERIE WILL NOT HELP YOU!
July 24, 2009 - 5:22amI am saying this as I too am in the same situation, and the last thing you should do is ANYTHING that will knock your confidence further than feeling undesirable already has.
I made the epic mistake of trying to "spice things up" when things were looking bad and I can tell you this- there is nothing so soul destroying as standing in a corset body, thong and suspenders (sexy but not trashy- my favourite outfit) and seeing the man you love look a combination of indifferent and frightened.
I am 20 years old and I'm not boasting but I have a great body. I should never EVER have to feel like that again.
I love my man and I'm sticking with him. I love sex and there's nothing I want more than to feel as sexually powerful as I did when I was 16 and he was 18, picking me up from school just to have sex in my parent's house (any room) then taking me back for afternoon lessons.
But look at it this way, you may feel unattractive and undesirable because of this, but part of that is your fault. Look in the mirror and love yourself, use a vibrator, and wait it out. But if his selfishness in bed is the only thing wrong with your relationship, and doesn't translate to selfishness outside the bedroom, you're a very lucky person, and you should never forget to remind him you feel that way. And with any luck, the confident, self appreciative, and ego boosting new you might just flick that switch inside his head!
Here's hoping, and good luck everyone! :)
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Great point. I agree with this totally. Your sexual confidence will emanate without the help of these fluffy stuff, called sexy lingerie. Sure, if you already use lingerie on your own, then by all means use it. But don't put it on just to please your guy...unless you are 100% sure it won't backfire...if sexual trust between the two of you is really good already. Unless you are really suave, I will leave it out. Better stay in your fave torn-up oversized tee and be sexy in your own way and be yourself.
July 24, 2009 - 12:15pmThis Comment
here i am in the same position i hear lots of words from him and affection but no action. He hasnt gone off sex thats for sure downloaded pics to his phone and porn dvds, oh yep and the familiar pattern of not coming to bed with me and staying up late. Ive told him its over i cant live like this any longer ive asked him to move out and started sleeping somewhere else meantime. Thing is since ive said that i feel a huge sense of relief that i wont have to "wait for him to come to bed" ever again :-))))))
July 23, 2009 - 2:08amThis Comment
Besides i find if you dont do anything for a while sex turns out way better mind your a month or 2 is pretty nuts, try to spice things up ;)
July 22, 2009 - 11:09amThis Comment
BTW its got nothing to do with seeing other people, I personally would sometimes just rather hang out with her and sme friends and go camping and cuddle sometimes rather than just do it, sex isnt the only thing thats fun in a relationship speaking frm a guys perspective (we're not all horn dogs 24/7 :P)
July 22, 2009 - 11:06amThis Comment
Me and my girl started off like that, its natural for it to start to die down after a bit. My advice to you is when you do it, try new things, its always good to keep it interesting. Tempt him a bit with some sexy lingerie and such. There comes a time when sex isn't all that important to do frequently, dno't beat yourself up about it, life isn't a porno :P good luck :)
July 22, 2009 - 11:03amThis Comment
Er, excuse me Mister. Uh, women who are writing here, including me, uh I think trying new things to keep it interesting, wearing sexy lingerie is asking for too much, don't you think? Because we can't even get ourmen to say Yes! Let alone trying to spice things up. Life isn't a porno for sure, for sure, man. Life isn't a drought either. Thanks, I think...but no thanks?
July 24, 2009 - 11:32pmThis Comment
That is really weird. Is he online a lot and/or does he keep his cell phone out of sight or in his pocket even at home? Also, is he texting a lot and checking it a lot... like it vibrates maybe and he views but doesn't answer?
Does he have a lot of unaccounted for time? If he is seeing someone and keeping you around... I would assume it to be for the purpose of having your cake and eating it too! Obviously, that isn't the cake so... what then. Do you live together and/or do you pay for things for him? Basically is he not wanting to throw the free ride (of any sort) out the window?
Give me a little more detail....
July 22, 2009 - 8:54amThis Comment
hi ladies.. not that im glad to hear that some of you have problems with your man's lack of sex drive, but its nice to know im not the only one. Im sorry to the girls asking the same question as me because i have no answers, just more questions... Im 20 and my boy friend is 32 we have been together for 2 years and at the begining we would have sex every day, it slowly got less and less often and now the last time we had sex was 2 months ago! I cant understand why he doesn't want to, we are both very fit healthy people and i know him well enough to know he does find me attractive yet he still never wants to! I have tried everything- throwing my self at him, sexy lingerie, playing hard to get and not making sex so available, even if i give him oral he still doesn't get aroused! He isn't a very affectionate person and i rarely get even a cuddle from him, the last time i got a kiss wasn't even the last time we had sex it was before that! I love him, he is a good man but i am starting to think he is seeing someone else and its putting a big barrier between us Yet he makes out theses nothing wrong when i bring it up! Please someone help! Its driving me crazy!!
July 22, 2009 - 8:05amThis Comment