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Cancer is an Ugly, Ugly Thing

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It is really pathetic that I know all of the reality trash TV and the “characters.” I’ve now gotten addicted to shows such as “Tough Love,” “Intervention,” “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” “Housewives of OC,” and more. I never use to watch TV and now it seems like that’s all I am able to do at night.

I went to get a facial the other day and whatever was put on my face burned me and caused me to break out on my face and neck. Even now when I put on lotion it still burns. I went to the Red Door Spa a couple of days after to get a hydration treatment, which helped slightly.

To make matters worse, I got a puffy eye a couple of days ago … that’s getting better, but now my left eye feels like there is something in it scratching away. I bought all sorts of eye drops and nothing is working. This has been going on for a couple of days now along with my breakout face, sore throat, and burning tongue. I’m sure I look like a winner.

I actually kind of feel like I am starting to come down with something. It almost feels like all of these symptoms are together somehow, and it’s really annoying. At least the past few days that Laura was here I was feeling good. It was probably the best I have felt in awhile. Unfortunately, today I started feeling nauseated again.

Aaaah, it seems like I just can’t win. Still, looking back at 2009 I am surprised my body is still kicking. 2009 consisted of:

-4 vertebroplasties
-1 thoracotomy, corpectomy
-2 bouts of mild pancreatitis
-surgery to input my port
-surgery to input a vena cava filter
-2 blood clots
-1 pulmonary embolism
-3 lung collapses
-over 30 rounds of radiation
-about 9 rounds of chemotherapy
-3 major panic attacks
-head shave
-lost and then gained back 15 lbs
-hundreds of pills and shots
-more than I am probably remembering right now…

Whew! Let’s hope 2010’s list will at least be half of this. I think sometimes people don’t take the cancer as seriously as it is. Part of this is probably because I don’t really look sick and still have a decent amount of energy. However, when I look back at all of the things that I have gone through just amazes me.

I have always been a survivor and I’m not sure I can say that this has made me stronger. I don’t care what anyone says, there is nothing positive about cancer. Let me repeat that-THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE ABOUT SOMEONE GETTING AND DEALING WITH CANCER. It is an ugly, ugly disease that can break people, relationships, financial stability and faith. Anyone that says different is full of XXX.

Some say that it has turned their life around. I am not one of those. I was happy with my life before. Sure, I wasn’t perfect and probably spent too much time having fun, but that doesn’t mean that I deserve this. Nobody does, especially young children who haven’t even had their chance at life yet.


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Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger

Hi Melissa - Well I can tell your days haven't been going well, and the so-called "reality" shows aren't providing much of an escape. Yes, cancer is an ugly, horrible, devastating disease and there are many days when dealing with it just sucks. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with us to tell us exactly what's on your mind and what you're going through. Your 2009 list would be frightening to many people, and yet you've weathered all of that and more. I don't know what to say to you today except that it's important that you get your feelings out - good and bad - and keep in touch. Just like there's little to no reality in "reality" shows, there's little to no reality in the way Hollywood portrays cancer, and only someone like you, Melissa, going through the real deal, can show us what cancer is like - the good, the bad, and the truly ugly. Keep on writing, my friend. Warm regards, Pat

December 14, 2009 - 5:49pm
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