Some disabilities are invisible!!

As a child, I was light years ahead of my peers. I rated out of this world on standardized testing and never had to even think about cracking a book until I reached a university level. However, in the beginning of Jr. High I fell into a depression. I blamed it on my parents for moving us across the country. Looking back at it now is still hard and can bring tears of frustration. Culture shock for an adolescent with AS can be truly life altering. I wanted so bad to be "normal," and just felt like that wasn't the case. My saving grace was the fact that I was intelligent and I was also attractive. Not to sound narcissistic, but its amazing the things that society will over look because you're pretty.
When I was 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and immediately placed on medication. My grades got back on track despite my moods. However, emotionally I felt like I was further and further out of touch with reality. The anxiety that would overcome me in a simple conversation with my friends was enough to render me thoughtless and cause me to hide. Without the knowledge of my parents or my doctors I quit taking my prescriptions. I wound up hanging out with people much older than myself. I felt like we could have more intelligent conversations and then emotions wouldn't play such a large part. I didn't have to read people as much when they were speaking in reference to facts. This was definitely a growing point for me because I was able to begin to understand subtleties in people. Later I applied these to emotional conversations. After these people graduated and left my high school, I was again stuck with peers I couldn't face. Worst of all, I didn't know why I couldn't face them. Did everyone feel this way? What was wrong with me? One on one social situations would nearly provoke panic attacks. A sense of paranoia would surround me unless I was at home, alone, in my room. Eventually I met my first boyfriend, but it was quite the dramatic relationship. Everything I did, I did to please. I wanted to know that I was loved and accepted all the time. I wanted to know that his thoughts were on me, and pleasing me, as much as mine were on his happiness. My incessant neediness and inability to be happy without knowledge of acceptance led us to frustration. After we broke up I began self medication. Since I was still very young at this point (14/15), that consisted of anything I was capable of getting my hands on as a means of escape. ...paint thinners, nail polish removers, gasoline, polish dryers, computer cleaner... any and all chemicals that could inebriate me. Now, I thank God everyday that I am still alive, and cancer free. My depression had taken a turn for the worse. No one even really noticed.
Then I took a public speaking class. I was petrified. I couldn't talk to these people by themselves, let alone 40 at once. But then I got up there and it didn't bother me. I went on through my speech, brilliantly, as if I never gave it a second thought. I could talk to groups, because they didn't talk back. I took that and ran with it, pursuing a political high school career and graduating a year ahead with honors.
My last year at my junior college, I crashed and burned. Hard. I was working in a restaurant, 40+ hours a week and doing 15 hours in classes. My life at work was good. My home life with my parents was falling apart. My mother was used to me hanging on her every word, and I no longer was. I was trying to grow up. When I stepped onto the campus, it was high school all over again. I began self medicating again, this time with less dangerous means. By the end of the spring semester the combination of these stressors had rendered me completely inoperable and I remember laying on the doctor's couch in a pile of tears, and frustration, and rage. I spilled my guts. I took tests. I was given medications. When I left that day I was diagnosed with AS and given a prescription for an anti anxiety medication. I began reading everything I could on the subject. I still have a lot to understand. To this day, I've never admitted that diagnosis to a soul. I do the best I can to be aware of it, and work through it, and keep it from being a disability.
I'm still young (almost 20) and I have a long ways to go. But I think people overlook a key aspect to AS in young girls and women... the fact that they make a huge effort to understand emotions. Its taken to the point that its so over analytical that they miss the big picture. Its like noticing a chip in a windshield rather than a huge crack. The huge crack is overwhelming and the chip is easier to accept and fix. Its no secret how detail oriented individuals with AS can be. The best advice I can give someone with AS is to take those issues and work with them. I'm fortunate enough to have a couple friends who have seen me through everything and have been very loyal. These people will tell you that I know them better than anyone. I pick up on little things about their personalities that not even their parents are capable of. The best advice I can give to a parent, or someone who must deal with AS is to stay educated on the subject. And know the individual. Don't play into their every whim, but if you sense that they are searching for something, help to point them in the right direction. Do what you can to relieve the sever stress and anxiety. To a degree they need to learn to cope. Never hesitate to help them break down and examine a social situation from the outside. Later, they'll be able to handle similar situations if they can recall it as a familiar dynamic.

I could give you my perspective, but I don't know how much it will help.

I have Aspergers, but when I was in junior high, I had no idea what it was; I just knew I was "different." (no one understood it back then). Junior high was hell. I have even written at length about those years (I am an author), although I don't want to reveal my name at this moment. I understand exactly how you feel about this. Kids are relentless at that age, and they are even worse towards those who are different and socially awkward, as I was. You are lucky, because now there is help for those with this condition! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Wish I had known what it was when I was younger; would've made my life a whole lot easier. I guess writing is my way of expressing all those frustrations in a healthy way; I have experienced a lot of healing in the past year.

I really try my hardest with my daughter and sometime its very hard and i have to lock myself in my bathroom to have a couple of minuts by myself. I dont get very much sleep and if iam sleeping she will com in and wake me up because she wants me to be awake for her. The bad think about this is iam 48 years old and i dont sleep very good so if i fall a sleep by chance in the afternoon plase leave me alone. Yes i hav tried everything telling her not to wake me up to locking my door but she just knocks on it the only time i can sleep by chance is if my boyfriens comes home but he works twelve hours days an lucky to have a job right now in my home town there is not much work so he is very lucky to have a job and beleave me my boyfriend tries very hard with her and he know that she will be with up for ever and he is ok with that as long as she does her things around the house yees she forgets what to go and i have written them on paper for her but she still has a hard time doing them and me i have had my share of trying to keep it together and sometimes i cant so i lock myself in my bathroom and cry and cry and think to mysel i cant do this anymore but i know that my daugter did not ask to be this way but that is what happen and i have to do what i have to do. Sometimes iam in bed a seven pm because she takes alot of me. Everywhere i go she wants to be with me even if i go to help someone at a thift store she wants to be right with me and that is my time away from her. So i do have a hard time dealig with this i wish it was easier but its not and its not going to get any better i have a long road ahead of me.

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for sharing your story. I can see your struggles and you are a very strong woman. Dealing with anyone with a disability can be trying at times. She is very lucky to have a Mother she can depend on and be her best friend. It is really too bad that children can be cruel at times.

Hi, my daughter has asperger syndrome and boardline M.R. She is done school he will be twenty dec 7th and she had a really hard time in school she did not no how to act or be aound kids her age and of course the others picked on her so the last year of school i a teacher came to he hous and worked with her.A dont hear very mch on Asperger syndrome she also has other learningproems she has no friends if she doesthey are alot younger the her and her fathe gets made because she is not with kids her own age Shedoes livewith her dad she lives with me and as ar i can see will bewith me for along time amdit is ver had she thinks of me as her friend and of course her mom. It gets so hard at times i go somewhere just so i can cry . As far as a job goes she ant count money she doesnt remember things that she is told and gets upset sh is on wellbutrim and lexproshe has many mood swings.People that come around do notsee that inher but if i let her stay with them for a month then they would no what iam talking about and ask me how i do it. Her dad does not take her very much longstory so i dont get brakes like i wish could. I had gone to her school so many times when she was in high school it seems like i was heone goingto schoo!

I can't imagine the difficulties and intolerance that you have to face on a daily basis. Can you give us some tips, or share a story, as to how you successfully overcame any of these social obstacles that you refer to in your post? I think hearing more of the positive outcomes, and how they came about, is helpful, encouraging and empowHering! Thanks so much for sharing!

I also have both tourette's and asperger syndrome. I wouldn't exactly consider them to be disabilities though. Even the word abnormality would be more accurate. I can do whatever I want to, if given the chance. Society just needs to learn to appreciate our neuro-diversity. Intolerance is the main problem we face.