Communication Between Asperger's Adults and their Spouses

I'm not a person who needs someone to tell me that they love me every day, actions speak louder than words in my opinion. And my aspergers husband of 25 years suits me down to the ground. He's honest to a fault, I can talk to him about everything, he is smart, focussed, competant, great cook, can do anything with his hands, cares about me and my daughter and our dog, is a good provider, I couldn't ask for more. I'm not, I'm airy fairy, can't focus, creative, not a great organiser, I have a very strong empathy particularly for animals, very emotional, I think I'm difficult to live with for those reasons. I'm not however a manipulative calculating female, I'm a straight talker and so is he. I don't think I could have lived with anyone else and I'm so glad I have him. For my daughter who has been bullied for 6 years he has no understanding so I've carried the load which has destroyed my health, just wish I'd done something about it straight away instead of listening to those two. There are things I don't like but can live with. When he gets worked up, which is often, he wants to attack people verbally and thats where I come in with my diplomacy. He doesn't have much patience with either me or my daughter because she is like me but thats okay. The one thing I hate is his loud voice, I either ignore him or leave the room. I'm not a great socialiser so that isn't a problem, he probably takes cues from me when we do socialise. I'd just like to say that I don't see any problems with aspergers males, pity there aren't more of them around, they are happy to listen to their partners for cues of empathy and are so honest. I think there are more problems with so called "normal people". Give me an aspy male any day!

I am sorry that I have to disagree with some of these comments. Not all people with AS miss out on nuances or cannot pick up on subtleties. Also, some people with AS can be empathetic and catch non-verbal communication. Many people with AS may have communication issues from very subtle (not noticeable to even friends) to severe (very overtly noticeable)- so you can't necessary even say that someone with AS cannot communicate with their spouses or have intimate relationships with those with and without AS. Also, it is quite disheartening that on many sites, people who are NT are often advised to make all or most of the changes for the person with AS. So, we are in fact teaching people with AS that it is okay to "not go out of your comfort zone because someone without AS will pick up the pieces for you." Everyone is accountable, and has to contribute to a relationship even if it takes a ton of mental, and emotional effort on the part of the person with AS. What is love without sacrifice. Love in action is work, and people shouldn't be let off the hook because they have challenges. We are not talking about people with classic autism who are non-verbal and cannot communicate. We are talking about people who have some communication challenges and who have average to above average intelligence. These individuals with Aspergers or High-functioning autism need to rise to the occasion in a relationship and put in the hard work, if they do indeed value the relationship. Otherwise, if people with AS expect to do the least amount of work because of their challenges, they shouldn't enter into a marriage contract with another individual. Anyone who doesn't want to put in the effort and go beyond for another person shouldn't get married. It is not fair to the other person. For those of you who are already married, I am not promoting divorce, but I will say it is not God's intention for you to be in bondage, and each person in the marriage needs to work together, despite limitations, towards a better marriage. Otherwise, there will be some accounting. People with AS may have some barriers, but they need to put effort forth in learning how to better communicate with their spouses. Ask for God's help, join a social skills group..do what you need to do, and don't make excuses. Put childish ways behind and become a man (woman) God wants you to be.

I married to a man has AS just know recently this week, he has AS, we been 4 years together and I just know all about this AS after we get married, I am Pilipina, and my husband is a British. He sent me an email to tell me, he wish to end our relationship last month, I was devastated, heavy heart, depressed, no deeper reason he come to this decision, I run to our Pastor for counseling, and prayer, is it true, praying is very powerful. After a week we not speak, I gave him time for himself to think, he ask me for forgiveness, and I forgave him, I still patients and try to understand him,,, days past I ask what his deeper reason why he comes on his mind to email me that way, it was very hurt! Then he told me he has AS, a reason he was divorce before because of this... But you know what I did, for God's wisdom, she bless me with acceptance, and understanding, we communicate everyday, even his special interest his boat, but in a day, he will gave me a time to speak before he will sleep. I never blaming him, instead I show how much I love him, being expressive is a good way to do, and. See now he does care and worried. Just stay be patients and pray to the Lord. It's is impossible for a man to do, because this is incurable, but for God nothing is impossible with him.

Get divorced, right away. I am with a partner (female) who has an ex-husband with a/s. He is the most awfull person since he doesn't understand their mutual childs emotions - he has a/s too. Still now after they are divorced he is constant trouble, not accepting that is only child needs special care. I don't care about being political incorrect here - i simply hate him. He's an awful father and a bad person - simply because he can't empathize, he's angry and resentfull because she left him. What a jerk. I wish i could do something physical about it. Please women - NEVER have children with an a/s man - next to a psycopath it's the worst. The kind on the other hand is lovable, but he is being slowly destroyed by his father and his "loving" wife, defending every wrongdoing he makes, claiming that we "bully" him because we have another opinion on his biological child. How awfull. A/s persons should NOT have children - and if you get one with one - leave him - and make sure he doesn't get child custody!

My comment was the anon who was married 11 years. Jean if you are willing it would be very helpful to email discuss things with you. I am unable to find any woman who stayed married to a person with asp. All I read about is how it destroyed them and I could use someone to talk to. I know his intent is different from the surface appearance, but its so hard to remember that. I also have a little girl who has strong asp traits, praying her future is different than others I have read about. I really need a mentor and some hope. Thanks for your replies.