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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Help me Please, December 16, 2009
December 15, 2009 - 10:28pmI have the same problem my boyfriend and I used to have very passionate sex, and now he doesn't want
to. I was in a loveless marriage for 20 years!, He was verbally abusive to me , calling me nasty names. I tried to be honest, loving and caring, as well as faithful. I never cheated on my husband. But he did on me. I decided ENOUGH!! I deserve better! when he left me I lost 63 pounds! And all of a sudden, I started getting noticed by lots of guys. Saying I was hot! I didn't believe it till one day my pants fell right off my waist! No one saw, lol . But I started putting on my teenage daughters clothes, cause I had none that fit, and poof! Just like that I was able to have a lot of men interested. I am very picky, but I decided if a guy is good to me , I would give him everything I could. I rooted through the "weeds" if ya know what I mean. And found the sweetest guy ever!, Hot too! Oh and btw did I mention after I lost all that weight I now look like a 26 year old!! So I attract younger , hotter men!, I am 42yr, my boyfriend is 34years old!. And I look younger than him!
WE had sex all the time!, My ex husband n I stopped having sex for 10 years!!! So I was loving all this from my boyfriend. He asked me to move in, And we had more sex, then he hurt himself , a herniated disc in the neck, and all sex STOPPED for 2 months! I understood, I had the same happen to me . He had an epidural injection(minor surgery if that ) and is almost a 100 Percent back to himself. He started again with a little sex/w /me, then stopped after a visit at my parents house. He has out rightly REJECTED my advances, even after getting dressed up all sexy! I am CRUSHED! I don't know what to do.
He never goes anywhere w/out me so I know he is not cheating. And he is a sweetheart to me . I never cried so hard when he outright rejected me ! It hurt so much! He said that he just doesn't want to have sex anymore! And so he sits in front of the computer ...if you know what I mean! I asked him to Stop, please, that it is hurting our sex life, so he agreed to stop and has, but still has no desire to have sex with me. Says he feels like a failure in life, and has no desire to have sex, unless he wants to. But I am very easily excited ...a lot! This makes this whole situation very hard for me . He had a girlfriend before in the past that he stopped having sex with for 2 years till she finally dumped him . I don't want this to happen to us .I love him, and am patient, but I will not wait forever. He doesn't even want me to hint about it , that it turns him off, and he'll have sex w/me when he wants too. Help!!! I think I need to leave, this is hurting me deeply, I really care for him and ( I said to him) that I feel like his roommate now. He says NO and that he loves me very much, ??????? I don't get it, I will be patient , but I am watching for "body language, and "signals' I will not wait forever. And damn it I want someone that Wants to have sex a little more often then once or twice every couple of weeks, after being denied for 10 years! "I ain't gettin any younger!”
This Comment
NO HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME. HE USE TO SAY I LOVE YOU. NOW HE SAY'S I DONT LOVE YOU. BUT.
November 10, 2009 - 1:17amThis Comment
HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO. HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME BUT, THAT DID NOT SEEMTO MATER A YEAR AGO WHEN ALL WAS GOOD AND HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME. I CANNOT EVEN TURN HIM ON. WOULD A SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEM HINDER HIS DRIVE. IT DID NOT LAST YEAR. I AM FUSTRATED AND HAVE NOT SLEPT GOOD IN MONTHS.
October 27, 2009 - 2:01amThis Comment
IT'S NOT YOU, YOU ARE FINE. DRUGS WILL TAKE OVERRIDE A WOMAN ALL THE TIME. TRY GOING TO ALANON MEETINGS OR GETTING HIM INTO REHAB. HE HAS AN ADDICTION PROBLEM, LIVE WITH IT OR STAY BUT LEAVE
November 10, 2009 - 1:30amThis Comment
He takes more medication. He pays someone to cut his lawn. He works and shares his money with me. And,He spends lots of time with me. He will soon be 88 years old. I am ten years younger. We have a relationship that is next to marriage. However, he,nor I am interested in marriage to each other. However, I might consider it, if he asks me. Please respond.
September 25, 2009 - 1:50amThis Comment
HE 43. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW IF HE FEELS THE SAME WAY.
September 6, 2009 - 8:57amThis Comment
The hormone testosterone has everything to do with EVERYONE'S sex drive, genius.
August 4, 2009 - 2:44pmThis Comment
Hi i have the same problem and its hurting me really bad he doesn't want to have sex with me its been 2 months and before we used to have sex all the time and know hes stressed and he tells me that its not me and that he needs time i don't know if hes cheating but in my mind he did do something and hes not telling me i really need help what should i do i love him but he tells me that he dont want to
June 11, 2009 - 6:42pmThis Comment
Hi Anonymous (1st post),
I know exactly how you feel. yes it hurts like crazy but it probably isn't your fault.
Our sex life was fantastic up until 2 years ago when it started to go down hill and there would be months in between. The last time my husband slept with me was 8 months ago. Stress is the biggest cause of low sex drive and erectile dysfunction. If he cannot get an erection, then he may feel like a failure and embarrassed. As far as cheating goes, I doubt it very much. You would know 100%, trust me. Try avoiding sex for a while, de-stress together with kissing and cuddling and no pressure. That was the advice the marriage counsellor gave us and we are trying it.
Good luck
April 16, 2012 - 12:24pmThis Comment
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February 7, 2011 - 7:52amThis Comment