Boyfriend masturbates even though haveing a willing girlfriend

Thanks for your personal share about this topic. I have said this before on this post that I had a relationship with a man who was addicted to porn. I am no longer with him. It is truly a problem and I never felt better about the situation. I am currently with a man who is not interested in porn and I have to say that I love it because now he has more interest in me.

Unfortunately, I don't have a very good story that will help people that are currently in the situation and trying to make it better. I think there is a breaking point for every person and mine was when he stopped being interested. Every relationship that you are in is in your control. I hope sheds some light.

look Scarlett24 I'm exactly where you are and me and my boyfriend have only been dating 9 months. We have sex but he still masturbates and trust me it pisses me off. I am a willing body to his "work Stress" and even though I give him sex when he wants it I'm still the one that gets hurt. The few days I'm not with him (about 1-2 days) he decides work has become too stressful and and can't hold out just one more day.

I was gone for two weeks and he promised he would try not to masturbate well I found out in only 14 days he had masturbated 8 times.....sometimes I wonder whats the point of having me if all the companionship he needs is in porn and a peice of latex.

This is ridiculous. Welcome to the 21st century. If you're boyfriend is watching porn, good for him. He's been able to get over his shame about masturbation enough to enjoy it. Because there is nothing wrong with masturbation. In fact, you should consider giving it a try. It teaches you what you like in bed, makes you aware of what works for you. And not only that, it's completely different from sex. My boyfriend masturbates all the time, and it has no impact on our sexual relationship. Porn and masturbation are probably not the source of your problem. If he doesn't want to have sex with you, then something else is probably up. Masturbation is an alone activity, an activity that relieves stress and is low maintenance. Perhaps he's not sure he's comfortable with having sex with you regularly yet. How about talking to him about how you're feeling, explaining that you miss him and would like to be having sex at some point. Let him know you're there. You can also offer to watch porn with him, or to try something he liked from porn. If you don't like porn at all (which is fine) then you should explain why you don't like it, what about you doesn't really turn you on. If you can't get over him liking porn, then you might want to reconsider why you're with this man.

I understand that porn addiction is a growing problem for some people. And I've been there and seen that. But you can't blame porn for the problems in your relationship. You and your boyfriend are the only things that can control your relationship together. Everything that happens in a relationship is about the way both you and him are feeling. Obviously something is out of wack. I suggest an increase in constructive communication. If that doesn't work, couples therapy couldn't hurt.

I really don't know why so many women here hate porn. I will admit that I love porn and masturbate daily. I am a highly sexual person and there is nothing wrong with that. When my boyfriend and I are together we have amazing sex, as we are young and love each other dearly. I have discussed porn with him and we both acknowledge that looking about porn is just about becoming aroused to feel good physically, and that true love and devotion (and the greatest of all sexual pleasure) is reserved for each other.

However, I do not see my boyfriend everyday, so I see nothing wrong with achieving orgasm on my own. I don't see why some women think you're not allowed to orgasm unless you're with your lover. I should think that of all people, feminists would approve of self-pleasure that is independent of men.

But in regards to the original question: he might just be looking at porn and masturbating because of the stress he is under. Orgasm does wonders to release stress, but perhaps he has problems with intercourse itself. Intercourse can even be stressful sometimes because men feel that it is their responsibility to satisfy you (usually not the other way around). It is such a hard blow for men if they believe they have underperformed during sex. So your boyfriend might be avoiding the whole thing altogether. Perhaps he is feeling inadequate because of problems at work. Perhaps the both of you are also dealing with the stress of moving, which might account for the fact that neither of you have new friends where you are. Perhaps you are acting stressed as well, which might be putting him on edge. It is possible that he feels that a bad sexual performance at this point might turn you off from him even more and make your relationship worse. Of course this IS all speculation. I think the best thing for you would to go see a couple's counselor. It's obvious that your boyfriend wants to communicate to you because he's told you this much. It seems to me that you really do care about each other, so take the time to think about how hard it is for guys to open up about sexual problems. Try to be understanding of what he says and don't jump to wild conclusions first. If there comes a point where you must draw a line, then do it - just be sure to think these things through completely first. Good luck!

Hi, Oskangal, and welcome to EmpowHer. Thank you for your question.

As you can tell from reading the posts above yours, the way people feel about porn varies widely. Some women are okay with it in the context of their relationship; others feel that it is completely wrong at all times; and others are conflicted. What's important here is YOUR relationship, and YOUR feelings about it.

The good news is this: You two talk about it. That's an important first step.
The bad news is this: Even though you talk about it and he knows your feelings about it, he continues to do it.

Your emotions are misplaced if you are jealous of the women in the pictures. They are just images. They are basically being used as objects, being paid to go in front of a camera and perform sexually. Your boyfriend gets turned on by looking at them, and it hurts your feelings. THAT is the problem. Despite the fact that you have told him how you feel, he continues to do it and to tell you that it shouldn't be a problem for you (even though he tells you that you are the best). This is an alarm bell for me.

You're not silly to worry about this. I think it's good to be concerned about it now. It seems probable that you're either going to have to live with it or break up with him, Oskangal. You shouldn't feel like an afterthought when it comes to intimacy.

Hi Everyone!
I am new but when reading this it wanted me to join this site.
After reading a few of your posts, i would like all of your advice please :)
I am almost a young adult, and i have a boyfriend.
I have had countless conversations about it with him, I get sad, upset and so hurt when i know what he is looking up on the internet as porn. He has a fetish for a few things. Once i found a folder of an anime character he said as 'a one time thing', yet i got so jealous of some made up thing, he doesnt watch sex on the internet but just certain things! He has told me so many times he thinks i am the best, he would hate imagining him with another woman, when he masturbates in the end he has to think of me because he wont finish, he doesnt think of the women but only of what they are doing. I still feel stupidly jealous though of the women! though he has told me countless times, i sometimes can't believe him, I can't help but think sometimes what i do for him is just a waste when he can masturbate over the internet (although he wasn't happy when i said that). Its silly only because i hate porn so much that i get scared in reality that one day it'll take him away from me that i get a little protective.
Anyone feel how i feel? I hope i can get kind advice :) i know im silly to worry already but i cant help it.
Please help!

I can't say anything about your relationships but believe me girl porn and masturbation are not connected with a real sexual life. You'd understand it later, now just be wise and don’t' worry. Masturbating doesn't mean cheating at all.

Everyone here fails. Guys watch porn. Women read stupid sex "novels." Probably because men are driven physically and women are driven emotionally. Neither promotes any sort of degrading mentality. They are, however, both wrong. They have society convinced that relationships should all work a certain way. That sex is a common thing, not something to be shared between two people, that love works like it does in movies, and that a girl can be ripped apart by a decision between three guys and all of the guys will compete for her. Find someone. Love whoever it may be. And then stick with it. If a man is obsessed with the thought of killing babies and drinking their blood, but refrains from doing it because he is afraid of getting caught, is he still insane? If you said no then you're an idiot. If a man or woman consistently thinks about sex with someone other than their "significant other," then the man/woman is still not completely devoted to their partner. Humanity is steadily looking less like a race with a purpose and more like the anus of the universe.