Is 45 too old to have a baby??

Anon,

You ask wonderful, wonderful questions. And it's easy to see how much thought you've given this.

No, you're not the only woman who feels this way. You are loving all the good things that children bring to our lives, and missing the feelings that a baby brings out in us. You are grieving a part of life even while you embrace your children at the ages they are now.

With your oldest at 19, and your youngest at 9, you may be feeling not as needed as you did when they were younger. That's not true, of course, but you are needed for different kinds of things -- advice, support and car rides, instead of newborn kisses, diapers and 2 a.m. feedings. And you may be wanting to ward off the "empty nest" as long as you can, because if you've never wanted to be anything but a Mom, you don't want to find yourself out of a job!

The good news is, you never will. All those kids will need you all their lives, just in different and more grownup ways.

Here's the deal, though: You can't keep having new babies forever. Aging happens, and we wonder where all those years went! Even if you have one more baby, regardless of how beloved that baby is, you will still feel that way in a few years. When that new baby is 5 or 6 and you are 51 or 52, you may find yourself at this same crossroads.

What else do you love in your life? Is there something else that you have a talent for that you have never had the time to do? This is the time to start devoting a little more time to it, so that by the time the 9-year-old is 19 (sorry, did I just make your heart skip a beat?) you will have developed other things you are eager to do. It doesn't have to be much of a time commitment now -- after all, you ARE still mothering four children! But it needs to be a train of thought, maybe. Or it'll come around again.

Who is Mom in addition to being Mom?

Such great stories here...I just turned 45 and I find myself fixated on the thought of having another baby. I have 4 wonderful, healthy children- 2 boys & 2 girls, oldest is 19, youngest is 9. All my pregnancies were pretty good, though I did have terrible depression after my last one. I took that as a sign that my family was complete! SO why am I feeling this way now? Well, I've given it much thought. First, I HATE getting older and babies made me feel young and vibrant. Second, I miss my kids being little and it's true that time goes by too fast. Third, I love big families and all I ever wanted to be was a Mom, it's what I'm best at. SO, the questions for myself are: Am I looking at another baby to fill my fear of aging? Am I grasping onto the past and my youth and not wanting to let go?? Am I lonely inside?? Gosh...I do love the newness, the hope, the happiness and possibilities a new life brings...I cry when I think back on the days each of my babies were born. I'm envious everytime I hear of friends/family having a new baby. I'm sure I'm not the only 45 year old woman who feels this way. Right?

I am 44 Years old and just recently found out I am pregnant. I have been married a little over a year to
a man who also doesnt have any children.I have a 21 yr old daughter and a 18 yr old daughter from a previous marriage. We are all thrilled about this pregancy and God willing everything will turn out fine. I feel you should do whatever your heart tells you to do and NO your are not crazy to beng thinking of another child at this time in you life. Good Luck!

Here's an interesting Associated Press story that just came out on this topic of when is it too old to have a baby.... It's about a woman who conceived twins at the age of 66 and recently died.

World's oldest new mom dies, leaves twin toddlers
By Daniel Woolls - Jul. 15, 2009 09:30 AM
Associated Press

MADRID — A Spanish woman who deceived a U.S. fertility clinic about her age and become the oldest woman to give birth has died at 69, leaving behind 2-year-old twins, newspapers reported Wednesday.

Maria del Carmen Bousada gave birth in December 2006 after telling a clinic in Los Angeles that she was 55, the facility's maximum age for single women receiving in-vitro fertilization. Guinness World Records said the 66-year-old was the oldest on record to give birth and the case ignited fierce debate over how much responsibility fertility clinics have over their patients.

Bousada told an interviewer at the time that the Pacific Fertility Center did not ask her for identification, and maintained that because her mother had died at 101, she stood a good chance of living long enough to raise her children.

An early-morning call and an e-mail to the Pacific Fertility Clinic were not immediately returned Wednesday.

Bousada's brother told the local newspaper Diario de Cadiz that she had died but he did not disclose the cause. The newspaper said, without citing a source, that Bousada had been diagnosed with a tumor shortly after giving birth.

Ricardo Bousada told the Barcelona-based newspaper El Periodico de Catalunya that he had exclusively sold details of his sister's death to an unidentified television program and that the proceeds would go to looking after his sister's twin boys, Pau and Christian.

Repeated calls by The Associated Press to Ricardo Bousada's residence in the southern province of Cadiz went unanswered. A woman who answered the phone at a number listed for another brother, Jose Luis Bousada, declined to comment. Her death was also reported by the national newspapers El Mundo

There was no word on who would raise the twins. Bousada had once said she would look for a younger man to help her raise them.

Bousada lived with her mother most of her life in Cadiz and worked in a department store before retiring. She decided to have children after her mother died in 2005 and initially kept her plan secret from her family, she told reporters.

She told the British tabloid News of the World that she sold her house to raise $59,000 to pay for the in-vitro fertilization.

“I think everyone should become a mother at the right time for them,” Bousada told the paper. “Often circumstances put you between a rock and a hard place, and maybe things shouldn't have been done in the way they were done, but that was the only way to achieve the thing I had always dreamed of, and I did it,” she said.

When she finally told her relatives she was two months pregnant, they thought she was joking, she said.

“Yes, I am old of course, but if I live as long as my mom did, imagine, I could even have grandchildren,” she told the News of the World.

Allan Pacey, secretary of the British Fertility Society, said the organization recommends that assisted conception generally not be provided to women beyond the natural age of menopause at about 50.

“The rationale for all that is that nature didn't design women to have assisted conception beyond the age of the natural menopause...once you get into the mid-50s, I think nature is trying to tell us something,” Pacey told The AP.

He added: “I think many people would worry about providing fertility treatment to women in their 60s. I think as a general rule, to embark on pregnancy when you may not see your child go to university is potentially a very difficult situation.”

Adriana Iliescu, a Romanian who in 2005 also gave birth at 66, although she was 130 days younger than Bousada, said she was pained to hear of her death and what it meant for her sons.

“It is a great sadness when kids are orphans but civil society will help these children,” she told The AP.

She described her little daughter Eliza as “very energetic and spoiled. We dance and sing together.”

“I don't feel I am getting old. My pregnancy kept me young,” Iliescu said.

——— AP correspondents Maria Cheng in London, Alison Mutler in Bucharest, and Jorge Sainz and Paul Haven in Madrid contributed to this report.

Hi, I had my third baby at 40 and I have to tell you it is a big adjustment but if your partner willing to help you any way he can, you should go for it. Don't forget it is lot of work but the end it is worth it.
I also have 13 year old daughter and 18 year old boy and my little one is 4 and half and I will be 45 end of this year. My husban always tells me that he would want to have another one, but unfortunately his too busy with his work so I don't have too much help.
Good luck with your decision.

This is a really tough question for me-- while I don't want to tell you to think of all the possible risks, I can't help but go back to that and the fact that you will be between 47 and 50 by the time the baby is born. My mom means the world to me. I am not ready to let her go and she is 58 and I'm 23. Your baby will be *maybe* 8 to 10 years old when you're 58.
The reason why I am so torn is because I don't want to tell you "No, you shouldn't have a baby at your age" because it really isn't fair to be told that.
What I will say is most likely what you already know. The risks of having a child with a disability or disabilities increases when you reach 35 and you have well surpassed that age. If you are ready and willing to accept your child as it may come, then who am I to tell you not to try. But, there are women who make the attempt to get pregnant at a later age and once they are told that their little one is not "normal" they decide on abortion which I think is selfish if it was your choice to get pregnant at your age knowing the risks. (I am NOT saying that this is what you will do, just an example)
If you feel like you have enough energy to raise a baby, is adoption something being considered? or is it out of the question?
I cannot and will not tell you what to do but please think about the pros and cons thoroughly. Good luck with your decision!