Many of us who hear the bad news “you have cancer,” are also surprised by how many people turn away from us. Those who we had thought were our best friends, or who would help us to the end suddenly won't return phone calls. We discover that the word “cancer” is a powerfully frightening thing in our society, and people do not always react the way we expect.
Yet, sometimes people come through for you in spectacular ways. Have you ever had a room full of people applaud you? Well, maybe you are a famous movie star, or a motivational speaker, or community theater actor and applause is part of your world. But, I never have had that experience, nor expected to.
I have been off work for five weeks, recovering from a liver resection done for metastatic breast cancer. My place of business, which happens to be a high school, was putting on their customary yearly Thanksgiving Feast. It's very rare that the entire staff, from custodian to principal, have time to sit down together. All of us work for the benefit of kids in one form or another, but rarely do we join together. This was one of those times, and I decided I'd go say hi.
When I walked into the room, unexpectedly since I'd told nobody I was coming, all the people sitting down to their Thanksgiving meal – all 100 of them - burst into spontaneous applause. Loud, lengthy, extended clapping. For me.
I knew then, that I was home.
These people had been unusually supportive considering I've only been working at this school for a year. They took up a collection and gave me enough money so that my family could stay in a hotel for a few days while I had surgery in a different city. Then, when I came home, they took turns and brought me meals – wonderful things so while I was recovering, my family could eat. I didn't have to cook (or eat take-out) for weeks. And flowers, I even got flowers, sometimes left on my doorstep. A little gift to show I was not forgotten.
I have found support from relatives and friends, but like all cancer patients, have found some who have turned away, unable to look. Rather than let that hurt, it's important to realize support can come in the most unlikely places and for unlikely reasons. You may have that relative or former best friend who never calls you again. Cancer does that to some people. Mourn it and let it go.
Then remember: family is where you make it and support comes in many forms. Find your own and enjoy the applause.
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Add a Comment89 Comments
Thank you Ann for you uplifting story!
November 18, 2011 - 4:45pmThis Comment
Ann, you are an example to all of us. Keep strong!
November 18, 2011 - 4:40pmThis Comment
Ann, you're so right, cancer doesn't just affect us and our immediate families. Sometimes it can also change how our friends look at us and treat us. Some friendships will be strengthened, some will be weakened, some new ones will be formed and some will be lost. That's just the way it is. It sounds like you are in good hands in the friends department. That must have been a lovely moment when you walked into that room and heard the applause. I'm wondering what you did or said?? Thanks for sharing and for the good advice.
November 18, 2011 - 4:31pmThis Comment
Dear Ann,
November 18, 2011 - 4:26pmThat story bought tears to my eyes. How wonderful to have the support of colleagues and staff to that extent. It's obvious how much you value your position at the school and the feeling is apparently mutual.
This Comment
This is so true, but we must learn from these experiences too. I don't ever want to be one of those who disappears.
D. Duffy
November 18, 2011 - 4:24pmThis Comment
This is a great story. You are very lucky to have a great support system in place like that. I've seen the negative reactions that you described happen as well, and I've never understood why. I lost a dear friend to liver cancer a few years ago, and we went and visited him regularly, including (literally) on his deathbed; we spoke to him the day before he passed away. It's a trying time for everyone, but MORE love and compassion is always better than LESS.
November 18, 2011 - 4:15pmThis Comment
Bravo! Enjoy the applause. What a great message to carry in our lives.
November 18, 2011 - 4:11pmThis Comment
Ann, your journey and indomitable spirit are a true inspiration, even in every day life.
November 18, 2011 - 4:09pmThis Comment
What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with us!
November 18, 2011 - 4:07pmThis Comment