Many of us who hear the bad news “you have cancer,” are also surprised by how many people turn away from us. Those who we had thought were our best friends, or who would help us to the end suddenly won't return phone calls. We discover that the word “cancer” is a powerfully frightening thing in our society, and people do not always react the way we expect.
Yet, sometimes people come through for you in spectacular ways. Have you ever had a room full of people applaud you? Well, maybe you are a famous movie star, or a motivational speaker, or community theater actor and applause is part of your world. But, I never have had that experience, nor expected to.
I have been off work for five weeks, recovering from a liver resection done for metastatic breast cancer. My place of business, which happens to be a high school, was putting on their customary yearly Thanksgiving Feast. It's very rare that the entire staff, from custodian to principal, have time to sit down together. All of us work for the benefit of kids in one form or another, but rarely do we join together. This was one of those times, and I decided I'd go say hi.
When I walked into the room, unexpectedly since I'd told nobody I was coming, all the people sitting down to their Thanksgiving meal – all 100 of them - burst into spontaneous applause. Loud, lengthy, extended clapping. For me.
I knew then, that I was home.
These people had been unusually supportive considering I've only been working at this school for a year. They took up a collection and gave me enough money so that my family could stay in a hotel for a few days while I had surgery in a different city. Then, when I came home, they took turns and brought me meals – wonderful things so while I was recovering, my family could eat. I didn't have to cook (or eat take-out) for weeks. And flowers, I even got flowers, sometimes left on my doorstep. A little gift to show I was not forgotten.
I have found support from relatives and friends, but like all cancer patients, have found some who have turned away, unable to look. Rather than let that hurt, it's important to realize support can come in the most unlikely places and for unlikely reasons. You may have that relative or former best friend who never calls you again. Cancer does that to some people. Mourn it and let it go.
Then remember: family is where you make it and support comes in many forms. Find your own and enjoy the applause.
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Add a Comment89 Comments
Well said.
November 18, 2011 - 6:03pmThis Comment
Beautiful post, Ann. Can you hear the applause through the internet? You have many, many fans.
November 18, 2011 - 6:00pmThis Comment
I was diagnosed with breast cancer this past summer. There is much truth in what you have written. Very insightful.
November 18, 2011 - 5:55pmThis Comment
Has anyone bought the movie rights to your story yet? Because if they made a movie about your experience with cancer and used your blog posts as the script, I think you would have enough money to buy all the flowers you want for yourself! 50/50, while an excellent film in my opinion, would have nothing on "But Doctor, I Hate Pink!: The Movie"!
I teared up at this, as I have so many times following your blog. Your writing is an inspiration for my own little blog about breast cancer. You are such a blessing to so many.
November 18, 2011 - 5:53pmThis Comment
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. To answer the question as to what I did, I am embarrassed to say I was so shocked I did nothing. Thinking back, I should have made a short speech, thanking them for their generosity, telling them how much they had meant to me, how surprising all their help was to me and how very grateful I am.
But I wasn't expecting to even be noticed, so what I did was: blush, look around, and sit down as fast as possible, mouthing "I'm embarrassed."
Well, I'm a real person and hardly perfect, and don't always think fast on my feet. Hopefully, one or two will read this story and realize just how much that meant to me. I've worked with staff in other schools and this one is magic, although I bet they'd disagree. The right kind of people just came together, and every single one of them wants what is best for kids, and it shows in how they treat others.
I can't wait to heal and get back to work, but 7:00 am. is still way too early for me - I got some healin' to do.
More comments please! I love them!
November 18, 2011 - 5:46pmThis Comment
I am applauding you also!
November 18, 2011 - 5:40pmThis Comment
Ann,
Cancer has been so life altering. I was diagnosed with an agressive invasive breast cancer at 38. 1 yr of chemo and herceptin and I will never be the same.
I enjoy your blog and can relate to so much of what you experienced. While my cancer is not metastatic, I know this could eventually happen to me. I have a friend who is the same age who also has liver mets. She is doing well. The last round of chemo seems to have controlled her disease and she is hopeful that this will continue.
You write amazingly well, are hysterically funny and obviously very bright. Humor is such a wonderful way to stay positive.
Thanks for sharing your spirit with all of us.
With much gratitude
November 18, 2011 - 5:13pmXOXO
This Comment
I'm one who is often afraid of being intrusive (probably because I hate it when people butt in on my life). But, I guess when you really care and are trying to help, it's not usually going to be intrusive.
November 18, 2011 - 5:10pmThis Comment
Wonderful!
November 18, 2011 - 4:55pmThis Comment
I have been following your blog and this was a great addition to getting to know you a little more and to see how truly deep your strength goes. Positive thoughts for you and everyone else on this journey!
November 18, 2011 - 4:50pmThis Comment