Lilia Rachel

I am a Filipina. My marriage of nearly 25 years ended in a very hurtful and destructive way, so I cannot ever imagine my ex and I being friends. Or even having a friendly relationship because of the children. I have made up my mind that I will not attend any social or family functions if he is invited. I also suffer from depression for at least 15 years. My ex (ironically is a physician) does not believe that there is such a thing as depression and thinks along the same line as John McCain - "Just get over it.". During the marriage, I have been humiliated and verbally abused. The main topic of discussion is my weight and body. To this day, I cannot say whether I am fat or thin or just right. My self-esteem suffers from not being good enough and not being thin coupled with men in general not having any interest in me. Each day and night it is a struggle to give myself any positive credit or seeing myself in a positive way. There are times when I think about death a lot. I did try to end my life by ingesting all the pain killers (samples that ex would bring home), over the counter allergy medications, and aspirins. So to make a long story short, my ex did not take me to the ER but decided to monitor me at home. I'm not sure why he choose that. I am suspicious that he choose to monitor me at home because he was embarrassed to tell the hospital staff. My ex volunteered for a medical mission where he found a woman 20 years his junior with whom he had an affair. I was devasted when I discovered that. Anyway, I need to move on with my life and be happy but each day is a struggle.