Cheryla74

I have been married for nearly 17 yrs. And it has been abusive. It started off little things and he would apologize for hitting me or turning our queen size bed over on top of me. No it has been main emotional abuse. He knew I had low self esteem and depression issues back from my child Hood. But .when we first got married I felt pretty good about myself cause he helped me feel good. Now the emotional is so bad it causes me to have panic attacks he a lo ways knows exactly what to say to break me down. Sometimes I feel I would be better off died than having to live with this daily. And alot of time i just want god to take me away in my sleep.He doesn't apologize for any of the abuse he causes me..He hardly ever tells me he loves me. I am the one who tells him. I know I can handle him physically hurting me more. Our last big fight. It was the night before valentines and we we're staying in a hotel. He started arguing with ty h me calling me names and telling me how worthless I am and I ended up having a panic attack. Where I took one of my prescribed medicinesmy. That didn't help so a hour later I took my second dose.I ended up falling asleep and when I woke up at 2 am to go to restroom he was there in alot of rage. I didnt know why at the time i was trying to talk to him but he went off on me verbally and he piched me up and chuncked me across our hotel room . I labded between the two beds face down and couldnt move. Cause on the way down and from the forse of him chuncking me i hit the big bed frame on my back. I started crying hystorically and ended up habing panic atyacks again. But after he did what he did he leaves the hotel with me in a lot of pain and havinf attacks. He had called my phone several times but I couldn't reach it so he left voice message saying how it was all my fault even making up things like he said when we got to the hotel I was flirting with the man next door. And we didn't even see anyone. I would like to know if thisbkinda of avuse will effect me remembering thingd because i cant rememberbalot of our marriage but the abuse.