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All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go: Dealing with Sexual Frustration

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All Dressed Up With Nowhere to Go: Got Sexual Frustration? millaf/Fotolia

You might think when it comes to sexual frustration that only women in long-term sexless marriages are affected. But in fact, sexual frustration comes in many forms.

It could happen to the young 20-something who is fit and perfectly groomed. Or it could hit the single 43-year-old woman who seems to have it all: a great career, beautiful home and wonderful friends.

Since the beginning, sexuality has been something humans are hardwired for as a source of pleasure. So it makes sense that sexual frustration can also be a part of people’s lives.

Ancient practices from the Far East took sex to a new level to avoid sexual frustration. Tantra was used to elevate sexuality into the spiritual realm.

WebMD wrote that tantric sex is believed to help enhance sexual experience by expanding the senses and deepening the emotional connection between partners.

While there are numerous articles, books and websites on how to get women in the mood for sex, there are far fewer that look at the impact of sexual frustration.

No matter their situation, women experiencing sexual frustration can feel anxious or stressed. They may have negative feelings; and issues with their self-esteem. In some cases, they may be depressed.

WebMD touched on instances where women want sex more often than their male partners. Not only do these women get frustrated because they're not getting what they want, they perceive it as a negative comment on their attractiveness.

In an interesting twist, women with depression actually tend to have more sex than others.

The Daily News reported on a 2008 study out of Australia which found that women with mild-to-moderate depression seek more sex because it makes them feel more secure, and alleviates the symptoms of the disease.

In the 1971 classic book, "Our Bodies, Ourselves," the chapter on masturbation praises this form of self-love as a normal and healthy way of not only knowing ourselves, but also relieving sexual frustration.

Yet even in 2016 — decades after the sexual revolution — female masturbation can still be taboo.

NYMag.com reported that according to a 2008 Gossard Big M Survey, 92 percent of women said they’ve masturbated. At the same time, many women claimed they’ve never done it.

Yet, vibrator and sex toys sales have continued to skyrocket.

Dealing with sexual frustration can be a challenge. Many experts recommend learning positive ways to divert your attention from such negative feelings.

Indulge in another passion like art or writing. Take care of yourself through exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, and spending time with friends.

As Sigmund Freud suggested, sublimate the libido in order to help develop something wonderful outside of the bedroom.

Or create your own kind of wonderful inside the bedroom. If you have no sexual partner, employ other options like masturbation and sex toys.

Staying away from any negative thoughts stemming from sexual frustration is powerful. Taking positive steps toward different types of fulfillment allows you to control your life and turn it into something happy and healthy.

Originally written August 19, 2009
Updated August 26, 2016 by Stacy Lloyd
Reviewed August 25, 2016 by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

Downs, Martin, MPH. "East Meets West for Better Sex." WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 23 Aug. 2016.

Downs, Martin, MPH. "Prescriptions for Sexual Frustration." WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 23 Aug. 2016.

"Flow Psychology." Flow Psychology. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Aug. 2016.

Friedman, Ann. "For Women, Is Masturbation the Last Sex Taboo?" The Cut. N.p., 2013. Web. 23 Aug. 2016.

Shears, Richard. "Depressed Women Have More Sex than Those Who Are Happier." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, 2008. Web. 23 Aug. 2016.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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