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Wanting Sex

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When we want sex, do we ask for it? Or do we give off certain signals and signs that indicate to our partner that we’re ready?

Are we comfortable communicating about wanting sex or is it a turn-off to even have to ask?

Even for highly intelligent individuals with excellent communication skills, there are moments when it’s simply too uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing to say, “I want sex.”

We can be as carefree and relaxed as possible once we’re actually having sex, but, for some reason, letting our partner know seems tacky or selfish, unnecessary or weird, as if they should just turn into mind-readers and know what’s going on.

Even if you don’t have a significant other and want sex, you’ll need to be clear when you’re dating, online, or at a bar. You can send so many mixed signals that your dress says yes, your lips pout with desire, and your head and heart are beating it out of there as fast as you can finish your Virgin Margarita.

If you want sex, you need to own that, first and foremost. If you are in a committed relationship, perhaps you can come up with a way of asking that feels comfortable to you.

Something as simple as whispering “I want you so much” could get the gears in motion. Or simply a giant hug, a kiss, throwing the tiniest bit of tongue in there and stating “I miss you in every way you can imagine.”

These are loving, tactful ways to discreetly communicate what’s on your mind without feeling too vulnerable.

If you’re out and about or online, you need to be ultra-responsible, particularly if you’re about to ask for sex from someone you don’t know very well.

Always make sure you have birth control and condoms with you (this may be historically and stereotypically ONLY one person’s responsibility but if it’s heterosexual sex, birth control should be both people's responsibility and condoms should ALWAYS be EVERYONE’s responsibility when penises are involved).

Also, you want to protect your privacy enough so that, should you engage in sexual activity and then decide you no longer want to be involved, there are easy ways to keep your private life private.

That being said, asking for sex means giving clear signals. You can flat out say, “We’d be great in bed together” or you can just let the person know that “I like you and I’m really interested in finding out about our chemistry together.”

Sometimes no words are necessary. If you are laying in bed with your honey or a new love interest, just watching television, let's say, and you really want sex, what is more clear than beginning to undress?

If the other person wants this too, you are going to give them something very exciting and very no-nonsense to focus on that is visceral, tantalizing and wonderful in its brazen quality.

Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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