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Women need men. Society and culture has been telling us for the longest time. A fairly new concept is that women can be independent, but there seems to be conflicting views. The idea of dependence versus independence can cause internal conflict, according to Colette Dowling's book, ''The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence."
Dowling suggests in her novel that women who worked are especially affected by this dependency especially during the 80s and in previous years.
Psychological effects of this dependency and conflict are lack of self esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety and inability to function in the work place according to Dowling. She talks about how girls are not weaned as soon as boys are from dependent behaviors and are treated differently (seen as more fragile).
Although some aspects of Dowling’s discussion may have changed in this new era, there are many remnants today. For example, society tells us still that women should want to be in relationships because healthy relationships are essential for happiness and women will regret being alone. Not all of this is a conscious message, but in many cases it is implied.
There is also the push to be feminine, to work in feminine jobs, to have children and start a family and to be a housewife. There is the idea that both the husband and wife should share roles, but the man should still be more in charge of earning money and the woman’s main role is with the house and family.
Look at magazines, books, movies and TV. What do they say? “Learn to please your man” or “how to get a man” are popular articles in magazines. There are also books, like “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough,” by Lori Gottlieb. Look at movies and books like the Twilight series, where the relationship depends solely on what the man wants and the woman is left as an empty shell and always fearful of abandonment.
There are even blogs and articles devoted to how women’s dependence on men still exists today. Not surprisingly, the two I found are written by men. This isn’t to say that all women are afraid of admitting dependence or talking about it, as Dowling certainly wasn’t but some don’t even see it as an issue.
Regardless, one article by Nick Neave, an evolutionary psychologist, brings up relevant points. He explains that women are biologically made to be dependent on men which explains why women want a socially dominant man and are so afraid of being abandoned and will do almost anything to retain even a cheating significant other. Even more interesting, he points out that women don’t really need this mindset anymore.
This is not relevant to all women, but I think most women have at least dealt with these issues at some point in their lives. The main point of concern now is changing our way of thinking if you want to be fully independent. There is some evidence of women’s change in a study from Australia, which says that age, education, feminist attitudes and the level of focus on a career can decrease the amount of emotional dependence women have on men.
There also needs to be a focus on increasing women’s wages and opportunities for higher-paying and full-time jobs. Women with children seem to be more dependent. For example, if they have to take time off work or work a part-time job instead of a full-time job in order to take care of their children, there is always the issue of dependency on men if they are in a relationship. Many women will rely on the man for help instead of keeping the full-time job and using daycare or other options.
Sources:
http://www.nytimes.com/1981/03/22/magazine/the-cinderella-syndrome.html?&pagewanted=6
http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/0525951512
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-420513/Sorry-women-dependent-men.html
http://whatmenthinkofwomen.blogspot.com/2009/01/women-are-dependent-on-men.html
http://www.springerlink.com/content/p1p1080334x5252m/
http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~content=a787294710&db=all
Add a Comment23 Comments
Thanks so much for writing this :) I'm glad I stumbled across it! I love relationships :D
Interestingly, the first sentence in this article is "Women need men," which prompts me to wonder, what sort of beliefs the author subscribes to, what kind of reality does Rheyanne intend to create, what kind of thoughts do you want to get readers thinking?
Be the change you wish to see.
How I'd start my own similar article: "Women are beautiful whole creatures in themselves, as are men. Together they accomplish much!"
For every example of media or culture high-lighting women's fear of independence that you've chosen to focus on/cite in this article, there are many others focusing on the beauty of being a completely whole person. Works which are not gender-biased, and those pieces of media, works of art, and articles are the ones which I direct my attention towards and share with others.
I write often about the work of David Deida, for example, who I praise highly and share often with people. I have no affiliation with him, but perhaps speaking of him here will be of use to you, or your readers.
He's a spiritual teacher who's devoted his entire life to the understanding of female/male, yin/yang relationships, and how people can transcend this 'battle of the sexes' thinking and achieve beautiful, graceful, interdependent relationships in their lives.
February 22, 2010 - 12:17pmThis Comment
Why do we not highlight some of the *men* who have a fear of independence at this day in age? I don't think it is right to single out women, and it surely isn't an innate tendency for women to fear independence, as I, like many women, crave independence. Plenty of women know that we don't need a man, as can be seen by the number of single mothers on the rise- I am not even sure why that is a debate today.
June 6, 2014 - 5:49pmThough we are always told that men and women are made to be worlds apart, I think that some men have a fear of independence as well, particularly now, when the age of leaving home is getting later. Let's not treat this as gender-specific. If a male depends on his mother, that would be him depending on women. Not to mention, there are most likely some husbands who depend on the wife's income.
People vary so much. Plenty of women do not fear independence. Time to address them.
This Comment
And I wasn't trying to be anonymous or anything. My name's Jason Fonceca, and it's a pleasure to be here :)
February 22, 2010 - 12:20pmThis Comment