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Feeling Unmotivated with Lung Cancer

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A couple of people have been pointing out that I have not been writing lately. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I had last written. I guess I just haven’t felt motivated lately, or just not wanting to share what’s on my mind. I’m not even sure there really is anything specific going through my head right now. I feel like half the days I’m dead just going through the motions.

I had plans for my birthday to go with a bunch of people to Modern Steak. I ended up getting sick several times that day, so instead everyone came over to my house. I was kind of bummed because it had been so long since I had been out, especially to a nice dinner. Oh well.

I have been feeling a little better overall. It’s been a long time since I was admitted to CTCA, I guess that’s good news. I just finished my 5th round of chemo (Taxotere). I am still going every week to get my weekly chemo, Erbitux. I won’t have another petscan until about Jan. I am just praying that the cancer has not grown and we are at least in the same place as the last petscan or better. I really would like to focus on getting back in shape and strong so I can do more things. I find that many days go by where I don’t do anything active and I get tired so easily. I also end up getting sick the days that I am running around town doing errands. I need to learn how to pace myself in that regard.

I need to schedule caregivers again. Even though I am not being admitted to CTCA, I still have so much that I can’t get done around the house on my own. Not to mention, it’s nice to have the company around. I definitely need it to keep sane. The time that people are coming to Phx is becoming more and more sporadic. I knew this was going to happen. It’s been months since my parents have been down except for their short appearance over Thanksgiving. It doesn’t matter what else anyone has going on in their life, I don’t think there is any excuse for not visiting someone that has a terminal illness and given just a couple of years to live. Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth. I’m not sure what the plan will be for Christmas. I bought a ticket to go home to Park City, but I’m not sure if I’ll even be able to go. I have yet to travel by plane, and I am a little hesitant to travel by myself with luggage,etc. I can’t ski this year, so it makes it just more depressing to be in the snow. I have chemo scheduled Christmas week, along with a surgery the week before, so I guess I am just going to have to play it by ear.

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Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger

Hi Melissa - Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, but sorry that your birthday celebration didn't go as planned. You'll just have to make up for it next year, or maybe just do it again on another day that isn't your birth date but is a day when you feel good. Cancer brings the need for a lot of adjustments, so sometimes it's good to just make up your own adjustments to make things better.

I have to agree with you on your statement about there being no excuse for not spending time with someone who has a terminal cancer diagnosis. I spent Thanksgiving Day with a friend who has brain cancer, and members of his family came in from multiple states. I invited a mutual friend to join us, but she said she had "other plans." Well, our friend had other plans in his life too, and they didn't include brain cancer. Honestly! People can be so insensitive at times, and Melissa you are absolutely right for being blunt about this and speaking your mind.

Thanks for taking the time to write to us even though you're feeling tired, and as you said, unmotivated. We always enjoy hearing from you, no matter what's going on in your world, and staying connected with you. We may not be related, but you're definitely part of our family.
Take good care of yourself, and write again when it feels right for you.

December 8, 2009 - 5:40pm
(reply to Pat Elliott)


Wonderful reply. I'd like to say that I learn as much from some of your replies as I do from Melissa's original posts. Thank you so much for consistently contributing.

December 9, 2009 - 9:26am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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