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I read an article on Parenting.com recently that talked about couples who desperately want a baby and their feelings of jealousy when reading all the kiddie status updates of their friend on Facebook. Most statuses of parents about their children are pretty mundane and delightfully banal “Logan ate all his Cheerios today” to the downright gross “...guess who did a big fat poopy in their potty today????” But Mom or Dad are obviously proud and feel it’s their right to announce to the world every single thing their child does or says (because you know it’s either going to be really witty or really poignant, right?)!
Annoying posts aside, there are also those very real and special milestones like the confirmation of a pregnancy, birth, first teeth, first steps and first birthdays. These create great moments in the lives of parents and grandparents and they naturally want to share their joy. Who can blame them?
Really, nobody. If Facebook or Twitter is your thing then it’s the privilege of every parent to share these happy times with those who choose to be connected to them on social networking websites. Everyone has their moment of thinking “oh dear!” when yet another status oozing of saccharine pops up (and it's okay to gag, some are truly gag-worthy) but one group who find all the baby and children statuses upsetting are those who are dealing with infertility.
Called “Facebook Envy", men and women admit that these upbeat statuses about friends’ children really get them down. And this is not only hard for infertile couples but for those who have had miscarriages, failed adoptions, or worse – stillborns and the death of babies or children.
While it’s easy to recommend simply hiding these updates on Facebook, women have said they still find them on the walls of other friends’ pages and giving up Facebook altogether feels isolating, especially for those with few relatives or friends nearby. According to some parents, there may be some ways to circumvent all the kid news:
• Limit your time on Facebook if you need to. The less you have to see, the better.
• Seek real time with friends in similar positions and lives as you. As the saying says, birds of a feather flock together.
• Don’t ignore your friends with babies and kids. They deserve their moments, just like you will, when it happens to you. No one is out to hurt your feelings and raising kids is exciting! However, try to keep the focus equal on topics other than offspring . There are a thousand topics out there from health to politics to social issues to fashion. Pick some and enjoy the banter. And if your mom friend is a well-rounded woman, she’ll enjoy these chats too. Goodness knows, many of us moms would prefer to talk about anything other than babies when another adult is around!
When it comes to parents out there who tend to update their statuses with Junior’s every move, from sunup to sunset, is it fair to ask to them to switch things up a bit? To talk about life, work, society, hobbies and food? Or to talk about travels and your goals? A single topic Facebook isn’t much fun for all the friends out there but it is appropriate to suggest some changes?
Tell Us
Do endless updates about babies and children annoy or upset you? Have you faced difficulties getting pregnant and find these updates to be a bit upsetting? Tell us your story!
Add a Comment2 Comments
so should women or couples hide there joy of having a child and seeing them grow healthy for the sake of everyone else's feelings?i understand those who can't have kids don't want to constantly be seeing pictures and comments of happy parents and don't want it to be rubbed in their faces.I respect that.
November 11, 2010 - 11:06pmbut how far must we go to be modest and protect everyone else's feelings? what can we do?when one has a child,specially when is your first child,all you want to do is share your joy,smile and mishap.they can't help taking as many pictures as possible to share with parents who live in Utah,cousins who live in new york, and brother and best friend who lives in maine, and friends who dont live next door instantly through FB?
This Comment
Is this really an "empowering" strategy? If you're dealing with loss or frustration or grief related to childlessness - why not share it and expand your support network?! ("my first tear-free day since..."). Why does FB always have to be happy-happy-joy-joy? Lots of couples suffered the same griefs before they finally conceived and have a lot of comfort to offer.
November 11, 2010 - 2:32pmThis Comment