Hi there,

My husband always used to tell each of our six kids, as they hit the age of 13 years that they should put ear plugs in their ears on the night of their birthday so their brains wouldn't fall out. Because inevitably they did :)

Now with my youngest at fifteen and my oldest at 25 we do wonder sometimes how we got through it. Our kids had issues bless them all, and they were all so different, so they did have to be treated differently as they faced the challenges kids go through as teenagers.

Through my children I learned to pick my battles; that physical exercise really helps diffuse anger issues; that when your daughter comes home and tells you she has had sex that it is time to put her on the pill not give her a lecture on morality; and that when they tell you they hate you, to remember it is a phase. I have good relationships with all six of them despite what they put us through :)

I have always encouraged open communication in our house and my children as they were growing up always knew they could talk to me about anything - drugs, drinking, sex, stds - the whole nine yards. But while they could still talk to me I could help steer them through it - it wasn't easy, but it has meant a lot to my older children now they are parents themselves. I know because they tell me so.

So my advice would be:
1. Pick your battles wisely - some things are not that important
2. If their room is dirty, close the door
3. If they ask for your advice DON'T talk to them; LISTEN to them because that is what they are looking for
4. Insist on respect and civility - it doesn't matter what their friends do in their houses, your rules still apply in yours and yes if they don't like it they can get a job and move out - this harks back to picking your battles.

i hope this helps - my teens are wonderfully bright, they are challenging, they are special and they are all unique - when things get/got really tough, I would remind myself of how they looked when they were sleeping babies; that one tip alone got me through a lot of hard times.

Best wishes
Lisa :)

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