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Bipolar disorder - A way of life. Join this Group

Hope everyone is doing well.

By December 21, 2010 - 2:50am

My name is Kait. I'm 22 and live with bipolar II and severe anxiety disorder.

Lately, I have had increased anxiety, insomnia, and more mania than usual. It feels awkward and annoying =/

I have many good and bad days. I am considered a rapid cycler and it can be tough sometimes. I worry about my future a lot. I have attempted college classes and work and it has resulted in failure most times. It's so frustrating..

I hope everyone is doing well and trying to enjoy the holidays as much as possible. =)

By September 27, 2011 - 7:46pm

My original diagnosis was severe depression with psychotic features, PTSD, and anxiety. Today it was changed to Bi Polar disorder. It makes sense because my counselor did it a few weeks ago. She noticed some days I would come in on top of the world and some days could not find a reason to breath. It is amazing when things make sense and looking back you see the patterns.. many more downs than ups for me but I have the answer...it is a start..

September 27, 2011 - 7:46pm
By April 26, 2011 - 11:58am

Here's a blog post I did about my experience with ECT. Let me know if you have any other questions. http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-want-my-brain-back.html


April 26, 2011 - 11:58am
By April 18, 2011 - 4:56am

I'm very fortunate that I've finally found an antidepressant that works, Nardil. Unfortunately the manufacturer just did something very odd - declassified the generic so now I have to pay more for it, but it's worth it. I had been suffering from a debilitating depressive state for longer than I can remember. In January I had ECT, I think it helped some, but it's hard to tell. It left me very flat, confused and with a lot of memory loss. But now, whether it's just the meds or a combination of both I'm feeling great (not manic). I also do something called Healing Touch which is very relaxing and centering.

April 18, 2011 - 4:56am
By March 23, 2011 - 7:16am

Thank you so much for your concern and kind words. I consider myself to be a strong individual, but everybody needs help every now and again. I hope everyone coping with this condition is getting the help the need and deserve, and I will look forward to communicating with all of you.

March 23, 2011 - 7:16am
By March 18, 2011 - 1:01pm

My family lives close, but I have always done things on my own. I don't know if it's pride or what, but my family doesn't know half of what has gone on with me in the past 10 years. They care about me, but I manage to hide most things from them. I guess I don't want to be a burden, or the daughter that failed. I do have a boyfriend that has lived with me for a year now. He is a wonderful male role model, and he wants to be their father. He pitch's in with taking care of the girls and the house. I am so used to taking care of everything, that I really don't feel like I need to much help. I am also stubborn I guess. My boyfriend has truely helped my little broken family become a whole and loving family, and I will never take that for granted. He is a rare breed of man. There arn't many men who would take on the role and responsibilty so willingly. He asked to do all this, I never once asked him to do anything. The only problem we have is our mental disorders. We all seem to have the same stuff going on. He has ADHD, Bi- Polar, and depression as well. You can imagine what we can go through at times. The good thing is, is that we know how each other is feeling, and why it is happening. People in relationships that haven't experienced these types of disorders don't usually grasp what is going on inside the other's head. That can cause a lot of problems. We all are doing very well despite everything going on. I do appreciate your concern, and advise on the matter. I don't have any friends to talk to about this. People usually don't understand why I need to be alone sometimes, and they tend to get offended. Thank you for communicating with me.

March 18, 2011 - 1:01pm
By March 18, 2011 - 5:32am

Thanks for your comment. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, as well as her sister. Her current therapist and case worker thought she might be bipolar, and are looking into it. I wasn't even aware, and actually skeptical that I had it until after missing a few doses of my medication. I can see a difference between the symptoms of her ADHD symptoms and her other episodes. She has extremes of both worlds, but I can see how ADHD can have the same symptoms. Hyperactivity with ADHD is different then her hyperactivity. It is hard to explain. My other daughter has extreme hyperactivity, but she is aware of what she is saying, and it makes sense. When my daughter in question is in that state, most of what she says makes no sense, and she is not aware of what is going on most of the time. She is so uncontrollable (shes not bad, just all over the place doing crazy things) and physically strong in that state, but when she comes down, her strength seems to also come down. Half the time, she can't even recall what she was talking about, and her thoughts were very scattered. Trust me, I don't want to diagnose her with anything, but I can't rule it out completely. I monitor her closely without letting her know I am. The depression part is whats worrying me the most, and her other sister does not exibit any signs of it. I don't look at my kids as a diagnosis, I look at them as kind, loving, beautiful miracles, I just want them to experience life with as much happiness as possible. I will keep you updated on any diagnosis or rule out of diagnosis that occurs, and again, I appreciate your input.

March 18, 2011 - 5:32am
By March 11, 2011 - 8:32am

Hi everyone! I was diagnosed last year with Bi-Polar Disorder. I always thought that I was a little off, but I could never quite figure out what it was. I have other issues such as PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD among other things. When I am in my mania stage, my boyfriend tells me I speak a million miles a minute, and I start on a subject without finishing the one I was already on. He says it actually gives him anxiety. I compulsively shop for days straight for things I don't need and can't afford. Its like I am on this high that I can't come down from, and everything seems great. My energy is through the roof, and I find it hard to sit still. I also don't need to sleep much, because I don't feel tired. When I am on my lows, boy am I low. The depression mixed in with all my other disorders debilitates me at times. I won't answer my phone, and I do whatever I can to avoid talking to anyone. If I turn to walk down a hall at work and see someone in it, I will take another route just so I won't have to say hi. I feel like my world is empty, and I will never be happy. I lay on the couch like a limp noodle, and I won't move except to use the bathroom. I hate that feeling of the disorder the most. I can go through this change a few times a day, or have long periods of each. What I am most concerned with is my oldest daughter. We believe she has BI-Polar Disorder too. Children experience this disorder a little different from adults. One second she will be up and jumping around like a jack rabbit uncontrollably, making the craziest loud noises you ever heard, and pretty much acting like a tazmanian devil. Then I will look over, and she will be sitting on the couch appearing to stare into space. She has this hopeless stare on her face, and her eyes make her appear to be in pain. If you try to speak to her, she either does not answer, or mumbles quietly to herself. You could stand in front of her waving your hands, and its like she doesn't even see you. If you can get her to talk, she starts to ask depressing questions about family dying or people getting hurt, or her having to leave me when she grows up. It absolutely breaks my heart. She is one of the most caring and thoughtful individuals I have ever known, and she is only 9 years old. One of the things that differs in children with BP, is that they sometimes will put their hands on their private parts in front of people. She doesn't really do anything while her hands are there, but they are still there a lot. When kids without BP start to explore, its usually in their room behind closed doors, but she does that while watching TV in the living room. It seems innocent enough, but still unsettling. I made sure there was nothing else going on with her while she stays with her father, and went through some pretty tough questioning and investitgating to make sure it was in fact innocent. I know how I feel, and I hate to think my daughter is going through it too. She has ADHD as well, which we have been able to control that for the most part. She is extremely sensitive, and can always tell when something is wrong with people, even when they are hiding it. Sometimes I think she is drawing in my emotions and it is overwhelming her. I don't know how to help her, and it really scares me. I am just learning how to deal with it myself, and I don't even know if I am doing that right. Does anyone else have a child with BP? I could use some advice on this. My daughters are my world, and I can't bare to see them suffer. Thanks so much for listening....well..... reading!

March 11, 2011 - 8:32am
By December 28, 2010 - 6:14am

Hi Lisa. Thank you so much for your encouraging and helpful comment. I think the toughest struggle for me is being at home and noticing how others are working and graduated. To be honest, I don't have a clue what I want to study in the future, but I have a few scattered ideas.

I hate the feeling of sitting at home and feeling lonely, bored, and hopeless because that is what happens almost everyday..

I like writing as well and also blogging, but I don't know how to get started with a career online like that. I like to help others, but most days not in person.

Your comment made me feel quite a bit more inspired, thank you. I have to learn to focus on my more positive attributes and what I enjoy without feeling like I'm procrastinating and feeling down about my success/life. I hope you had a very happy holidays =)


December 28, 2010 - 6:14am
By December 21, 2010 - 12:45pm

Hello Kait,

I know bi-polar can be hard to live with but part of coping well is to accept that you do have both good days and bad. You don't go into details but I presume that what you perceive as failure in your college classes and work are when you have not been able to cope during your 'down time' and I do understand how frustrating that can be. But please try not to see that type of thing as a failure - failure is an opportunity to see that maybe those classes or jobs weren't what you wanted in your life anyway.
I know for myself how easy it can be to literally talk myself into something when I am feeling invincible, only to come crashing down literally days later and wonder what on earth I am doing and why did I ever think I could do what I was doing in the first place :) That is why ten years ago I started working for myself, as a writer online. When I am 'up' I get a lot done for my clients but when I am 'down' I can take the time to care for myself - walking on the beach, reading instead of writing and things like that.
You just have to find your place and what wil make your heart sing - then build on those things on your good days and know it will be waiting for you while you pass through the down days.
Have a great holiday season
Lisa :)

December 21, 2010 - 12:45pm

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