My husband of almost 18 years has been suffering from chronic back pain, more so over the past 2 years. I am always searching for ways to survive the day to day challenges. I am 44 years old, I have three daughters, just finished my degree and work a full time job. My husband has been going through the "anger" stage. I say this coming years ago where he would not be able to work any longer due to the growing medical issues. But, he never took my advice to find a steady job that was less strenuous. Instead, I took the steps to go back to school, get my degree, and now will be starting a new job in a week with better benefits and pay to help support my family. He still hasn't filed any disability and I am left to apply for his health insurance through the market place. But, to him I am ungrateful and the one to blame for all the family problems. I know I am not. I went through the blame game when he was a bad alcoholic. I have just made a poor choice in a lifetime partner. As a Christian, I take my vows seriously. We have been stuck in for "worse, sickness and poorer" for years now. I pray each day that it will change. But the reality of it is that it won't. I think he is addicted to his pain. He has that type of personality. Each day is hard. I wish he would hit "rock bottom" like when he drank, so that it would stop. I have left for a few days to give me and my kids a break. We are blamed for NOT helping him. His priorities are out of order. He can not think logically. So must of what he says or does I ignore. I just try to focus on what I need to keep my head above water. I do believe that alot of his issues with clear thinking are due to all the medications that he is on. The reality is...things are not going to get better. I try to make things as normal as possible for my girls. Just some days are harder than others.
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Hello CWal72,
We welcome you to the EmpowHER community. Yours is indeed a heavy cross to bear. Your faith has helped you carry that burden thus far. Congratulations on getting your degree and taking control of your life, as best you can.
It is a difficult situation with no easy way out. Is there a support group or prayer group associated with your church? It is important that you have someone to talk to, who can be there to listen when times seem the darkest. Your health, both physical and emotional is vital so that you can make it through and be there for your daughters.
We have groups on our website that you may want to look into.
Living with Abusive Disabled Husband
https://www.empowher.com/groups/LIVING-ABUSIVE-DISABLED-HUSBAND
Loneliness, Family & Friends
https://www.empowher.com/groups/Loniness-Family-Friends
Living with Chronic Illness
https://www.empowher.com/groups/Living-Chronic-Illness
Or consider starting your own Group.
https://www.empowher.com/groups/create
Regards,
December 13, 2016 - 9:39amMaryann
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