My body is changing. Without my permission. And I don't know what to expect or how to wrap my head around these sudden fluctuations, freaky symptoms, and loss of control.
The symptoms:
1. Erratic periods. I used to be clockwork. Then had a baby two years ago. Started my period again around 6 months. Then I was clockwork again. In the last 6-8 months, however, I can no longer predict my flow to the day. My cycle can run as long as 50 days before my period starts.
2. Weird periods. My periods consist now of several days without a flow but instead I have brown gunkiness coming out of me. Then it seems like my period will start, but the next day, it is back to gunk. When it finally does start, it is relatively "normal" albeit lasting a few days longer than usual - 7 to 8 days versus five.
3. Night sweats. I've been having night sweats ranging from slick sweat coating my legs and arms to lying between soaking wet sheets. I've gotten so used to it now that instead of getting up to change my night tee, I just sleep in the wet one. Too much effort to get up and change.
4. Strange odors. I'm just stinky in places I've never been stinky before. I attribute some of this to the excessive sweat, however, I shower and should be clean but then this odor wafts up to my nostrils. I'm thinking it is more hormonal.
5. Hair loss. Over two years post partum, and I'm still losing my hair. My hair's texture has changed, and it is getting thin to the point of seeing my scalp in parts where there used to be lots of hair. I'm getting used to the clumps of hair when I wash it. I make hair art on the shower wall.
What to do?
I've been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist who put me on progesterone to ease the night sweats and regulate my period. I've been seeing my naturopath again to find more natural ways of dealing with these changes.
Then more recently, I went to a regular doctor - a general practitioner - to get a 3rd opinion. He suggested that I might not want to be on progesterone because many women he sees says it makes them crazy. So THAT explains why I've been so crazy lately.
He asked why I was taking it.
To regulate my periods, I responded.
Why do they need to be regular, he asked.
I didn't have an answer.
I guess they don't. I think it is just more of an inconvenience not to have regular periods. And it is a depressing sign that I'm aging and can't control it.
Why do you want to bang your head up against this change, he asked.
I didn't know. Fear?
Why not just go with the process, he asked.
I walked out of his office feeling empowered. I did not have to have regular periods. I did not have to fight this change. I did not have to regulate, control, or make better. This is part of life, this is a part of my life now, and I need to make peace with the woman I am becoming.
I'm not becoming less of a woman because of these changes. I am being reborn into a new form of womanhood.
I am empowerHered.
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Add a Comment13 Comments
How old were you when this all started? I am 38 and feel like I am in peri.....I only have periods every now and then. All labs come back normal....cannot lose weight no matter how hard I try! That's the most frustrating part of all this!!
October 18, 2011 - 11:56amThis Comment
My period has been totally whacked for the last 6+ months, and I don't know when to expect it either. Some months is ok, others it's early and lasts for what feels like forever. It is hard feeling like you're living in a body you don't recognize.
Some nights I wake up 4AM like clockwork and have trouble going to sleep to begin with.
Not to mention a weepiness and irritability that isn't me....but now it is.
Welcome to the world of peri! Us peri gals need to stick together to offer support and share info.
Hang in there.
Robin
August 20, 2008 - 10:12amfounder
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As always, Aliza tells it exactly like it is without holding anything back. And why not? We ARE all in this together, and no woman escapes this phase in our lives. As I turn 40 very soon and know from having older sisters, perimenopause is on the way. It's nice to have a forum to talk with other women. Gravity, stretch marks and newly discovered age spots are NOT going to get me down. (Neither are those random hairs that keep showing up on my chin) NOPE! I am woman!!! Hear me blog!
Thanks Aliza!
August 18, 2008 - 11:12amThis Comment
Thanks everyone for commenting on my first blog post here. Truly, it never ceases to amaze me how connected you can be with others through the Internet. More from me soon!
August 14, 2008 - 10:14pmThis Comment
I am in my early 40's too and the last few months I have been going through the same thing, but I don't think it has anything to do with you having a baby 2 years ago, my youngest is almost 15 years old and I am starting to go through it. It is hard not knowing when it is going to come but now my body lets me know a couple of day in advance, I get these pains and I want to cry all the time. So thanks for the information it helped.
August 14, 2008 - 5:51pmThis Comment
This is a great post.
Out of the bloggers I know, you're one of the few who totally understands that the medium requires DEAD ON honesty and authenticity -- and you always deliver on both.
I haven't reached this point yet...I'm hoping to have at least one child before I do.
Thanks for bring brutally honest. Although, every woman's experience is different, it's good to know what I might expect.
August 14, 2008 - 3:48pmThis Comment
I have passed the peri-menopause stage and I am fully into menopause now. I went through all the things you are talking about and one thing you have not yet experienced -- excessive bleeding. I experienced many moments of embarrassment with this and even considered, briefly, a hysterectomy--like so many of my friends did. Then I heard a tape of Christiane Northrop. She said the medical industry treats menopause like a pathology -- and it is NOT! It is a natural process of womanhood to be celebrated, not disdained. That was the turning point for me that led me to my acceptance of the change. I am so glad your GP did the same for you! Yes! Let's celebrate our bodies in all their changes!
August 13, 2008 - 5:17pmThis Comment
You described it perfectly! For control freaks like myself having uncontrolled or unexpected body functions can almost be debilitating. Thankfully I had a great support group who spoke with me the same way your GP did. I just love the straight shooters!
As time has gone by [10 years now] I have found that not only have I accepted the changes, but I enjoy them. Periods may be irregular- but light; Night sweats- excuse to sleep naked and get the expensive absorbant sheets; Strange body odor- reason for buying perfumed powders I never would have wasted money on before; Hair loss- great way to enjoy the male body as they lean over the tub to snake out the drain!
August 13, 2008 - 2:19pmThis Comment
Somtimes Change is hard. Especially when it's our bodies. I can relate to much of what you're saying. Paying attention to our bodies; internally and externally is so important. Your awareness should be applauded (especially by your health providers) since the more information you have to give them the better the care (hopefully). The MD sounds wonderful and how a doctor should be (patient CARE). As difficult as acceptance can be -- it sounds like you have jumped the hurdle successfully and I look forward to hearing more as you continue to treat it by using the multiple options (naturopath/traditional med.). Thanks for the inspiration which will hopefully help me in listening to my own body, and not just to accept change in my over-40 mom body, but to embrace it (and treat it well so that it lasts!).
August 13, 2008 - 1:40pmThis Comment
Thanks for your candid report Aliza. I'm in my 40's and have yet to experience any of these symptoms although I believe being on birth control helps. That could be another option for some woman.
August 13, 2008 - 12:20pmThis Comment