The loss of a child is worse and sadder than anything I had ever imagined. I was three months along when my baby's heart stopped beeting and four months along when I had to enduce my miscarriage. Taking those pills because my body wouldn't let go of the life that was no longer inside me was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The excruciating pain was nothing compared to the sorrow I felt. Fathers day just passed and my husband is away at boot camp. I wanted to say something to haim about it, but there was nothing. There is nothing about fathers day that is happy for him. Although we were almost parents, we never had the parenting expirience. Every little family I see, I envy. I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. I wonder every day Why. Why did God bless me with this tiny creature inside my body, just to allow for my baby to be taken from me. The night that my child's heartbeat seised, I had a dream that I went for my ultra sound and I was informed that I was no longer pregnant. I woke up horrified and scared. I prayed with a friend and a couple days later, I had my ultra sound. No heart beat. We prayed against it. People say that God has his own plan and that the timing just wasn't right. I know everything's in God's hands, but it's still so hard! I think of my baby everyday! And knowing that for some reason, I couldn't keep my baby alive haunts me.. I'm terrified to try again. I don't see how I could bear this again. There is no silver lining to this cloud, no matter what doctors and otrher people say.
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Pukkabear, trust me when I say I understand why you have doubts about trying again. I suffered two miscarriages about six months apart, but I'm now pregnant with a baby due in 3 months. Miscarriage is still a mystery to doctors, and it's frustrating when you want to try again and are scared of losing another pregnancy.June 28, 2010 - 4:26pm
Don't give up hope, though - many women who lose their babies go on to have successful later pregnancies. Don't pressure yourself to make the decision right away. You'll know if the time is right for you to try again later after you have had a chance to grieve. God bless you and your husband.
hi dear frnd!June 25, 2010 - 5:31am
i can certainly understand ur feelings, AS ME TOO HV SUFFERED FROM XACTLY THE SAME SITUATION TWICE WITHIN A YEAR....i hd my 1st missed abortion in jun'09 & the 2nd one was evacuated in march'10... but still i m Very Hopeful... there r alot of ppl in this world who lost their babies in later stages of pregnancy or even after delivering a very healthy baby they lost him/her within few days or wks due 2 some unknown medical complications (and that grief &anxiety wud b much more profoundly hurting thn tht of our)... Our Lord is the omniscient, knows the best 4 us.... so dnt b pessimist ever...
i know, words cant heal ur trauma in true sense but by looking @ the other's xamples (that r worst thn ur own 1) u can b obliged 2 the Almighty who blessed u with a very tiny sort of problem rather than the big one... hope it will definitely help u out 2 minimize ur depression & worries....
I'm so sorry. Miscarriage is such a sad event, and I know having to induce it made it even harder on you. Please know that you are far from alone -- many many women suffer miscarriages and know just how you feel.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. The miscarriage was not your fault. That doesn't make it hurt any less, I know. But it's true.
Hang in there, Pukkabear. One day at a time, and when that's too hard, one hour at a time. I'm so sorry for you and your husband's loss.June 24, 2010 - 8:39am
Pukkabear, I am so very sorry for your loss, but also so appreciative that you took the time to share your feelings with us. I know your experience will help others cope with loss.
Thank you.June 23, 2010 - 6:49am