I have always eaten healthy, proportional meals and was never overweight.
As a child I learned martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. In high school I found cheerleading and wakeboarding. I was always active and a honor roll student.
My parents told me and my sister that we were getting divorced my junior year, six months after my dear grandmother passed away. I was stunned, angry and numb. My grades started to slip and I couldn't focus. I realized that my boyfriend was distracting me and we broke up.
I got my act together to graduate with the help of school counselors and gracious teachers. But I was medicated and still lost being influenced by adolescent males. My medication made me crazy, literally and I ended up in the hospital after a week of chaos. I was so out of it I forgot to eat. In that week there were numerous pills, a totaled car, and a knife involved. I was put in the mental health hospital "voluntarily" to detox.
A cell. I have never been to jail but my stay in the hospital was probably worse. In the secure unit, there was only a bed in the room with windows and a camera. The bathroom had a plastic mirror so you could just see the light. After family visits and doctor consultations I was released with the promise to go back to my shrinks.
I did and finally my doctor did a blood test. They found out that I had hyperthyroid which can mask the signs of mental disorders. I was put on medication and started to feel better. Always an avid reader I bought all the books available at the bookstore about borderline personality disorder and devoured them. I felt I could relate but was still unsure if that was me. After months of research I decided to stop taking my medication.
Everyday was a struggle but I kept on going. I had to remind myself to eat because I wouldn't be hungry. My boyfriend encouraged me to start getting back into fitness. A little more every day, sometimes nothing. Then I started a fitness log and I was working out every day. It was a way to relieve stress and tension; a way to clear my mind and focus. I was able to set little goals like endurance and strength. I had more energy and was in a better mood.
These changes helped me stop seeing my psychologist weekly and then not at all. My thyroid levels started to level out and my diet became regular and healthy. I decided I wanted another opinion and saw another psychiatrist, who said that I he wouldn't diagnose me with any of my previous diagnoses.
Fitness makes me empowered and confident, something that I never truly felt. Fitness models became my role models and now I am aspiring to be one. It is my outlet, my passion and my health. I could not think of a better therapy.
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Thanks for asking. It's one one-hour workout over the course of 12 days with two rest days. Optimist, what type of work outs do you do?
May 2, 2008 - 8:07amThis Comment
It's marketed as an extreme work out program that you can do in your home. My husband was lured by the infomercials that run on the weekends. Initially, I teased him mercilessly, but after a few weeks I noticed his results and jumped right in.
The program is based on the concept of "muscle confusion" with a total of 12 work outs that include weight lifting, yoga, karate and many others. While I typically fall off the wagon with regard to the nutrition plan, I've stayed pretty faithful to the exercise program and feel much stronger. And I can even do 10 'man' push-ups, which I can perform at your next party, if you like.
May 1, 2008 - 9:58amThis Comment
So do you have to do the 12 workouts every day? Or do you choose one each day? It's an interesting concept to work out different muscle groups like that.
May 1, 2008 - 11:51amThis Comment
It's a great point you make in choosing fitness-oriented exercise goals over the more superficial benefits of exercise. It seems so easy to become involved in the trappings of being active without actually ever making gains in our overall health. Good for you that you were able to refocus.
Exercise really makes me feel better and I do everything I can to make sure I fit it in to my schedule. I'm one of those people who has always been pretty active, mostly because I love being outside and have been told I have the personality of a terrier.
I did gymnastics as a kid and played volleyball, hiked and cycled through high school and college. About five years ago, I got involved in running and more recently, yoga. In the past year, have been turned on to a program called p90x, which has been great as well. Next weekend I may even try a trapeze work out here in town. In addition to the health benefits of exercise, I find that every time I try something new, I feel adventurous and ultimately more confident.
Also, be sure to read this great story by EmpowHer's own Kristin Park about being both skinny and obese.
April 30, 2008 - 11:36amhttps://www.empowher.com/community/forum/weight-management/obesity/how-c...
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Could you tell me more about p90x? Trapeze sounds fun and exciting!
April 30, 2008 - 6:25pmThis Comment
I too discovered exercise (long distance running) as a panacea. For me it was a way to escape the emotional trauma of abuse that I experienced throughout my childhood and in many respects it saved my life as well.
My only problem was that at times I took the running too far. The adrenaline "highs" that I would get from running 15, 20, or 25 miles were addictive and I found it easy to escape through my running while avoiding dealing with life issues that I needed to.
It's taken me many years to find a healthy balance of exercise, and I still have to work at it. (I recently discovered that I still do too much cardio and need more strength training.)
I think your story is amazing! I'm just wondering how you keep a healthy balance in your life. Are you ever tempted to let fitness take over? Or do you ever fear that if you don't workout for a while then you'll have mental health issues again?
Kristin Park
April 29, 2008 - 10:44pmhttp://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
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I started martial arts in third grade and continued for eight years. In that time I became a third degree black belt, I coached, competed, instructed, and performed. Martial arts is not only about the self-defense it is about morals. They used to say that the martial arts group was "family."
April 30, 2008 - 11:09amIn the sixth grade, and freshman had a crush on me. I was confused and a little flattered because at the time I had braces and glasses. The boy started writing me love notes and buying me gifts. I shouldn't have accepted them but I didn't know better. I was naive and so were my parents.
He lived close to me so we carpooled. His mother thought it was cute that he liked me. Him and his mother taught classes and often closed the gym at night. This is when he would touch me and take advantage of me.
I hated myself and him. I was so angry because I was a black belt. I was supposed to be able to defend myself. No one showed me how to defend myself from a fellow male black belt. But I couldn't. All I had to do was kick him where it counted. I always froze up. Sometimes I would make an excuse like I felt sick and he would leave me alone. I realized he was too serious. He said that he needed me and would die without me. It was`nauseating.
I hated going to class because sometimes we would be partner up to fight or wrestle and I would freeze up. It was so dumb how my offender was a part of my daily life and no one knew. I secretly hated martial arts and resented my parents. All my accomplishments meant nothing if I was unable to defend myself.
Thats when I found cheerleading. I wasn't the cheerleader "type." Not outgoing or always smiling or even popular. It was a different type of exercise that many people aren't aware of. I loved being in front of a crowd; that was my rush. I love being captain and leading the team. It renewed my faith in exercise that it can be fun and inspiring.
Yes there was a time that I think all teenage girls go through, were they think that they are fat. I started eating less and exercising three to seven hours a day. I noticed that I looked skinnier but I was actually gaining weight from muscle mass and my only assets, my breasts, were getting smaller. I wasn't excited about that. Thats when I realized that I needed to refocus on my goals. I wanted to be healthy, stronger, have more energy and endurance, have a stronger heart, be more toned, and build bone density. And I discovered the importance of eating every day regardless if I worked out.
The confidence I get from exercise is reward enough and truly the only time it has been real. When there are times when I can't work out I feel guilty and have less energy and enthusiasm for the day. But I try to do yoga for relaxation. My number one daily reminder is that everyone has good days and bad days regardless of their habits or health. I schedule my week in advance and set time to workout. My boyfriend is a great support and sometimes we work out together.
I would suggest setting aside certain amount of time per day to work out, with one to two days of rest a week. Maybe have your max. be two hours a day and then spend time doing other hobbies or being with people you love.
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I think you're amazing to have overcome the abusive situation you were in with the Karate boy. And you have such a great attitude! How did you get over it? Did you have to go to therapy or anything?
May 1, 2008 - 11:49amThis Comment
Yes I went to therapy when I was a teenager but I lied because I knew they would tell my parents. I felt like they never gave me any tools to help me cope and be independent and confident.
I would say that it took time. I have read many self-help books, written in my journal, painted, and talked to family and friends.
The hardest part is wanting to fastforward forgiveness. It will happen when you are ready for it. After I blamed him and hated him I tried to think about it from another perspective. Yes it was his decision to do what he did but it was also how he was raised, how his parents were,etc. This helped me see it from another perspective.
There were times when I thought I was done with all that turmoil only to have someone bring him up and me cringe. It wasn't easy but it helped to talk to my mom. She didn't know till I was in high school because I never told her. She blamed herself but she knew it wasn't her fault.
My sister called him "The One Who Should Not Be Named." We all laughed but she never understood why I disliked him. She is younger and wasn't and isn't ready to understand.
I am not religious but have been discovering my spirituality and that has helped me to forgive and be happy with myself and my life. Those incidences were gifts. I would not be as strong as I am today without those tests.
May 1, 2008 - 3:27pmThis Comment