hi...ive been in a serious relationship going on two years now, im only 20 but i think like most older n wiser women, My fiance is 19 and he plays football out of state. resently he has found out hes very ill with the shingles, it breaks my heart him having to go thru so much pain n angony and me not able to be there for him...he gets very aggitated and very angry at times for no reason. he recently went to the doctor with one of his coaches n the doctor told him he has to be out for the season, hes very upset, i dont know what todo for him onli because he gets angry even if i try to talk to him about it. im tring to stay positive for him but lately hes been so negative, his parents are also sick especially his mom. how does a young girl like me handle all of this? he pushes me away n barely says much anymore. i feel hopeless at times because im not there to help him during the day or make things easier for him...i tried telling him if he focuses on getting healthier the coaches n the doctor will put him back in the game and that its not the end of the world for him! i just wish someone could guide me to help him, or atleast how to make him understand or how i can stay positive for him during this time where he feels hopeless, im tring to stay positive and when he pushes me away with mean words i tell my self its the shingles that have him aggitated. but sometimes it seems like too much...i dnt ever see myself without him but sometimes i feel like we cant be together and i feel bad just for thinking it because i know hes sick....what can i do?
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after my fiance got better with the shingles we continued to date n i found out that i was pregnant, being pregnant has definately changed alot of things but my main concern n question at times is will the baby sometime in its life have to deal with that horrible and painful thing"shingles"?
June 27, 2011 - 10:51pmThis Comment
Thanks i been thinking about alot lately, hes healed hes acting better but not all the time most of the time he using the word sorry! but theres no action behind it.im realli thinking about what i want n who the father of my kinds is going o be as well as my husband!
October 29, 2010 - 5:17pmThis Comment
Hi Loving
Shingles is painful and until the sores scab over it is considered to be contagious to people who have not had chicken pox. It totally makes sense that he would not be allowed to play contact sports while he has shingles.
It is painful, but there are medications to help with that. It is not surprising that your fiance would be unhappy and frustrated, however only you can decide how much bad behavior you are willing to tolerate. Pain makes people testy, but it is also sometimes used as an excuse to mistreat others.
I suggest you think about whether you want to marry someone who is so mean to you when he is ill and you are separated. Both circumstances are likely to come up again, and if you have good boundaries and expect decent treatment, your fiance should respect that. If you allow him to treat you poorly now, you are in for a rough ride. If he is so stressed about his parents and illness that he is having difficulty coping, perhaps a little short term counseling would help him learn some stress relief and coping strategies.
Shingles will heal. I would talk to your fiance very directly about his behavior and how it makes you feel, and then I suggest you think about what kind of a life and what kind of a marriage you want to have. Only you can answer those questions.
Good luck and thank you for writing. If we can help further, please let us know.
September 23, 2010 - 6:24pmThis Comment