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Why doesn't my husband want me?

By March 24, 2009 - 6:41am
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I am 39 years old and am a newlywed. My husband and I have only been married for a month and a half and he has already lost interest in me sexually. No matter what I do or don't do, I just can't turn him on. I once had a boyfriend who was impotent and he did at least make attempts at having sex. My husband doesn't even try. When we go to bed he goes right to sleep. A few nights ago while we were in bed, I was trying to arouse him and he simply moved my hand and turned over then went to sleep. I could understand if he had always been this way with me but he hasn't.

He makes me feel utterly repulsive.

Is there a medication I can have prescribed for me so that I don't have the urge for sex as well so that I have no problem with his lack of desire for me?

"I'm updating this Blog. If any of you women have had the same problem with your husband please get him to talk to you about what's going on. Maybe he has some health problem that he refuses to get checked out. My husband just passed on March 09. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden. He had to go for training for the Tactical Squad for the prison where he worked on Sunday. I had no idea when I kissed him, hugged him good-bye and told him I loved him that would be the last time I would see him take a breath."

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EmpowHER Guest


You Go Girl! Empowering yourself is a GREAT idea and people should adhere to this principle. The idea that we, as women, can be in control of OUR situation is invigorating. The real things about this idea is that maybe when we are more positive about ourselves, other people will follow the leader. They will see that 'we' are very positive and follow our lead.

For all of the women who are experiencing this sort of situation, this may be a great example for everyone to follow. Good luck, anonymous!

September 25, 2010 - 9:06am
EmpowHER Guest

I agree that all this is very frustrating. But you all are wonderful people, remember that. It's been hard for me too, but lately I've felt more empowered, more alive. I started doing some things for myself. I saved a little bit of money and got a personal trainer. Then lost some weight (i've always been heavy and always tried to look nice), but I look really good now-for myself--NOT HIM!! I did it for me. Next I've bought myself clothes from the store I always wanted to go to. I also am thinking about taking some classes again. I'm sick and tired of waiting for him to step up. For 12 years I've been the "partner in his life". Well guess what, this "partner" is going to let her "partner" cook dinner and do some laundry for himself.
don't get me wrong, I love him to death, but I'm still young, and I need to live for myself. We're pretty comfortable, but walking away with half of nothing doesn't appeal to me.

September 24, 2010 - 6:55pm
EmpowHER Guest

I can connect with u dear very much ...i 2 am completing 6 years now and 5and half were without sex because he was going to diffrent girls for his needs and didnt even bother to satisfy me physically or emotionally because he thinks my behaviour with his mom was not appropriate...he had been having sex before marriage and after marriage .....unfortunatly it was never me....doesnt want to talk or reply anything now he has left going outside but still doesn't touch me....says i should loose weight first and we should be more of friends now thn may be he can some day have sex with me....Why the hell men are such bastards??? and imagine what...he ran away and got married to me... to do all this????...hahahahha...my fate ...i can just give fake laugh and make food like his mother , take care of him like his nanny and do house hold jobs like maid and be a friend and partner with him but cant be his wife...I Feel like crying...i was used so badly.. ....soooooooooooooooo depressive...

September 22, 2010 - 2:03pm
EmpowHER Guest

My wife of 22 years asks the same question. She wants BMS "Boring Married Sex". I couldn't be less interested. I'd rather never have sex again then have the obligatory once-a-month-because-she-saw-a-sexy-guy-on-TV sex. Thank God for porn.

September 20, 2010 - 3:27pm

Iv only been married 1 yr ONE and he doesnt touch me look at me nothing and it has been this way from the begginning .i feel so ugly and repulsive to him. im tired of us having sex when he wants it. he told me he felt obligated to make love to me bc I have needs. he also said its bc he doesnt like my breast ,im almost 24 and iv had three children i cant get any help from any one to get a boob job. why cant he just love me for me? he says sex doesnt define a relationship,but it sure as hell helps.. thats not how a marriage should be in only a yr... is it me???

September 15, 2010 - 3:48pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anonymous,

I am sorry you are feeling as if you are gross to your significant other. That is a horrible feeling all together and us women, need to feel sexy all the time. What is going on that you feel this way? Lack of sexual interest on his part?

Give us some more information so we may be able to further assist you. Have you talked to him? What does he say?

September 11, 2010 - 8:25am
EmpowHER Guest

i am 43.my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs.he doesnt
want me anymore.i feel like i am gross to him.what can i do?

September 11, 2010 - 6:38am

Dear frustrated2003-
I really feel for you after reading your blog. Sorry to say but the way you expressed your partner he sounds like a really big jerk. I am sure there is good in him or you never would have loved him from the start. But he sounds to be in a rut of some kind which seems to be rubbing off and bringing the whole family down. You probably had big hopes and dreams coming to this country and you still can. No man should hold you back from feeling like a beautiful confident woman that you are. You have two great kids-1 of each if I may remind you(I have the same 1 boy 1 girl). You can choose to ignore him as well or threaten him in some way-you know scare him a little that you may leave. Have you ever asked him whats changed in his heart?

September 10, 2010 - 9:45am

i met my husband online 9 years ago, i came from a different country with my daughter. when i got here, things were a mess. it was very different from what i expected, he visited me a few times in my country and seen my lifestyle, my success and a great career i had with raising a daugher going to a private school. after coming here, things were so bad, no home, a nasty apartment to live and we had 90 days to get married. i was so embarrased and ashamed to go back home. i stayed and made it work. very very hard work, i have no friends or family as he has no friends, his family and him are not close. what makes it worst is that he dont show any emotions deprived me from sex, and at times ignores me. he always disagrees with any and everything my daughter says. i finaly became a citizen and i am an emotional wreck i have lost my selfesteem, i look at myself and see how i have aged overnight, i have put on weight and i constantly worry about everything. he absolutely dont care. i work day and night jobs, i still feel like a single mom except i have another son to raise and deprived from love and sex. i have to tell him to have a shower, brush his teethe, everything that puts any human being off from getting close. it has been an emotional roller coster for me. i have to continue to work and stay on top of things as i have brought my daughter here and believed everything he told me.

September 5, 2010 - 8:55pm
EmpowHER Guest

To elejuene---My husband says the same thing--"I don't think sex is that important in a marriage"--What?!!!!! Are you kidding me?!! I feel it is very important! It is how we show our feelings, love and emotion towards eachother. What the hell is wrong with these men?! I am completely on the same page as you are -as far as- not even wanting to be with him anymore after 6 yrs of little sex and rejections. It's like whats the point-oh so we have sex for 10 minutes and hey meet back up with you in 3 months!!! How romantic! I am so sad that I have a roommate for my lover-so sad and lonely-I hate this! I want to move on but we have 2 children and I hate divorced familes but I don't know how much longer I can take this-so hard..... :( I am starting to reconnect via internet with an old fling which is only magnifying this problem. I know it's not right but I am starving for some kind of emotional connection.

September 4, 2010 - 8:47am
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