Why doesn't my husband want me?

Im 21 and my husband is 22. he says hes just too tired. weve been married 6 months...hes been saying that since we got married...talking never helps and it is atarting to really eat away at me....I cant sleep at night because i lay awake and make a mental list of all my imperfections, then i go sit in the living room and cry till im tired...and whats more he refuses to talk about it. When it comes down to it, i know its not me...but that doesnt help when i thinnk of all the things it could be... I just dont know what to do anymore.

karishma
very true dont let people judge you....try be more selfish abt urself ...no one in this world but u have to make urself happy....think about ur own happiness all the time...as for now i am doing that only...
by the way i m the writer of 22nd sept 's comment ....i knw what is depression but i have realised that noone else can help me other thn myself....god bless u all

Miscortes,
Thanks for the kudos! I aslo agree about being positive and being more attractive and influencial by being positive. There are so many things that I can refocus my energy on by not obsessing about "why, why not with me? What's wrong with me?" Dont' get me wrong, sometimes I still think about it. But by focusing on the more positives that we have together, and focusing on myself more I'm happier. There are still things I want, and I'm planning for them. Good luck to all! Don't forget, that anyone can make you feel bad, or guilty, but you don't have to let them do it.

I have been marrien for 2 years and 6 months. Since we got married he changed. Since a few months back I have been asking him why. We have sex once every week or two or three or etc. If dont try, it will never happens. A few months ago I told him you dont want to be with be for one of three reasons: 1) he just didnt find me attractive, 2) he was meeting his sexual needs somewhere else, or 3) there is a problem either with him or me or both and we dont know what it is, so we need to get help. Of couse like other
times every other time he said that it was going to change and that we dont need help from anywhere. A month later I came up with the idea of assuming that he was into porn. (I hardly think of the possibility of cheating because there is very little room/time for that). After denying it for a least 30 minutes he admitted it. He was into porn. Ohh my heart was broken, I thought about inmeadiate divorce. He promised not to do it again and be more loyal to me. So until this day I am waiting for that to change, of course with bottles and forced conversations that he never wants to have.

I have told him if that is the life he wants that he is free to follow it, but i dont want to be just a good friend or even best friend. He swears he loves me and finds me attractive. (By the way I am 25 in the best shape of my life. I receive complements all the time from everywhere I go. People think that I am a model or give that suggestion frequently. I dont even have the after efffect of babies cuz we dont have any. He is also very attractive, but has gained a few pounds lately which to me, it doest no make less attractive).

When it comes to other areas of our marriage, I will say that our marriage is good. I know everything about his job, his strugles and frustration and of course his accomplisments. I know all about his family and how he feel about each of them for good or for bad. I know his goal of losing weight and toning up and support him.

I have caught him lying about unrelated stuff, which is why I though of the possibility of he lying to me. I always said that I knew there would be arguments and disagreements between us, but to be honest I was not ready for that to come. Now, I will say that I am somewhat ready for those things to come go trough them, even get hurt and more importantly go through them and become stronger in our marriage.

My husband treats me well. If it is to talk about material stuff, he doest have all the money in the world, but there is nothing that I want that he will say no to. He shows a lot of affection everywhere (but in bed). He is willing to talk to me and we do talk me about anything. I support him in about all his ideas and adventures, even when I dont really feel like it, I still get up and do it. I try to give him a home where he come for refuge after hard days at work or simply after a good day at work. I try to never judge or blame him for things that happen, even if I think they are his fault.

Bottom line is that I love my husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am willing to forgive him for close to about anything.

My problem is that I personally think that every men like sex. And if they are not getting it at home, in bed with their wives, they are getting it somewhere else. And if they are not, it wont be long until they star getting it from either porn or another woman. And it is not like I want to FIX the situation, I just want to know what the situation is and from there I will probably try to make it better or fix ir or not having a situation like that (and divorce).
If it comes out to be that he is physically unable to have sex, I will be next to him and support him in everything the rest of my life. And the promise that I made when I said "I do" is still alive.

But if he is satisfying himselft from another source (which might me the case, but I dont know), and he is not willing to change that, and instead he lives his life his way, in my opinion in a selfish way, I know that I dont want to be just a good friend or best friend.

Hi elejeune,

I have to thank you so much for giving us an update on your story as you can tell there are many women that go through the no sex period and of course the first assumption would be another woman. I am so sorry to hear your painful story about what happened but on the other hand so glad you shared this so other women can be Empowered by your story as well. Now it is time for the healing process, remember that you are going to be much better off without the sadness and 'late meetings'.

Men truly have a need for a sexual relationship and if there is that distance in your relationship, there is certainly some underlying issue or reasoning behind it. Most of the time, we don't get follow up from the women that post the lack of sex in their relationship so we never know the ultimate answer to the situations. I applaud you for sharing the details.

Please keep us updated, we would love to hear what the future will bring for you and your children. Seeking counseling may be a great way to start the process too for your family. Have you considered this? You have a long way to feeling better and recovery but know you always have a friend at EmpowHer! Wishing you the best!

I posted on here months ago about how my husband has been disinterested in sex or any type of intimacy since the day we got married 3 years ago. He isolated himself from myself and my 3 girls. I spent almost every day asking what I did wrong and if he was upset with me and what can I do to make him love me, love us....All he would ever say is I do love you guys, I'm just tired and have a lot on my mind. I almost left and moved out of state to be near family in July, but my health and finances prevented me from doing so. When we had what seemed like no choice but to stay, he said he wanted to work things out and for 6 whole weeks (a record breaking time in our marriage) he was wonderful, we were wonderful. I started feeling comfortable. He left little love notes in the morning before he went to work, sent sweet emails from work during the day, played with the kids, wanted to make love, he even took the trash out for me....and then it stopped...everything was wonderful, even right up to when he left for work in the morning...and then he came home and wouldn't have anything to do with us....that went on for the next 6 weeks or so....My children were sad and hurt and I was sad and hurt....I asked him why so many times and I let him see my tears. I tried to hug him, kiss him, talk to him and got rejected no matter what. I was confused. My heart ached for not only myself, but for my children as well. He wouldn't talk to us when at home. Whenever I tried to cuddle with him at night he would push me away and roll his eyes. When the girls would ask for a hug and a kiss he would walk away.....SO..here is my update....He was seeing another woman. He lied about being in corporate meetings at work (which I knew was untrue to begin with because he is not even in management). He was lying about where he was. He couldn't even respond to a text message because he was so busy at work. I found that he was talking to her daily and from 6:30 am to 9pm every day, they were texting back and forth, a minimum of 35 times in a day. I called her...no response, but she did text back....I called him.....they forgot to get their stories straight in the event that this would happen. He came home from work and we argued and things got physical, he chest bumped me, I pushed him. He slapped me open handed, I punched him. He called me names, I told him I hope she gives him herpes. Somebody called the cops and he was taken to jail. Now there is a no contact order. He drained the bank account and left me and the girls with no finances...I'm not sure how long I will have internet access. He blocked me out of most of my own accounts...the rest is history....My gut was right...for the entire marriage I have thought that there had to be someone else because what person (male or female) is one person one day and then makes a complete 180 and is somebody else. How can u appear to love sex and then say stop and no and leave me alone? How can you tell me u love me every other day, but keep your distance from me? How can you sneak off in the middle of the night to wank off to porn, but not want to touch and be touched by the woman laying next to you? I knew this wasn't normal. I don't know how I feel right now. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong, or what is wrong with me? or maybe if I would have never let him see me cry, or never shared my feelings, or never tried to fix anything...maybe if I could just be blind...I don't know...but I have to remind myself that I am better than all of that...that I am somebody and I am worth a whole heck of a lot. All I ever wanted from him was for him to love me the way he did when we were dating. I wanted an equal partnership with love and understanding, compassion and respect, communication and happiness....I will never understand how another person can do this to anybody...I am so lost right now.