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Why doesn't my husband want me?

By March 24, 2009 - 6:41am
 
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I am 39 years old and am a newlywed. My husband and I have only been married for a month and a half and he has already lost interest in me sexually. No matter what I do or don't do, I just can't turn him on. I once had a boyfriend who was impotent and he did at least make attempts at having sex. My husband doesn't even try. When we go to bed he goes right to sleep. A few nights ago while we were in bed, I was trying to arouse him and he simply moved my hand and turned over then went to sleep. I could understand if he had always been this way with me but he hasn't.

He makes me feel utterly repulsive.

Is there a medication I can have prescribed for me so that I don't have the urge for sex as well so that I have no problem with his lack of desire for me?

"I'm updating this Blog. If any of you women have had the same problem with your husband please get him to talk to you about what's going on. Maybe he has some health problem that he refuses to get checked out. My husband just passed on March 09. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden. He had to go for training for the Tactical Squad for the prison where he worked on Sunday. I had no idea when I kissed him, hugged him good-bye and told him I loved him that would be the last time I would see him take a breath."

Add a Comment246 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

i realize you might have problems,60s is not the end of youre
life.i think you can get help that doesnt cost money call the county
you are in.if you ignore problems they will still be there.this comment you made doesnt sound as mean as the others.you have internet so you can also access all kinds of articles on youre problem too.take care

January 13, 2011 - 5:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

i love my man,but he makes me wait and beg for sex and then thinks its funny,what should i do?.it makes me upset.

January 9, 2011 - 11:28am
(reply to Anonymous)

can you expand a bit more? is there a big age difference? no woman has to beg for sex. it must be so humiliating and degrading for and it must really affect your confidence.
and after begging and waiting for sex,do you finally have sex or he is refusing. and does he make u beg in a joking way , as sometimes guys they dont realise when a joke goes too far. as you said he finds it funny. just know no woman or man should have to beg for sex

January 11, 2011 - 2:09pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to yasmin)

Excuse me? Seems to me everyone here is begging for sex. We wouldn't be here if we were getting any.

April 13, 2013 - 8:04am
(reply to Anonymous)

Of course it makes you upset. Have you talked with your partner about it and told him how you feel? Is his behavior loving you?
Please review this whole article and see if anything sounds familiar:
Psychological Abuse Can Harm Your Long Term Mental Health.

Just as every relationship is unique, so are the reasons or causes behind your partner's choices in his behavior towards you. We have compiled the “best responses” received from both men and women in regards to your specific question, and hope you read through them thoughtfully. Women have been going through the same struggles, and have shared their insight and lessons learned. Men have also shared why they did not want to have sex in their strained relationships. Please let us know what “words of wisdom” or “tips” resonated with you from the following articles:

Helpful Relationship and Sex Articles:

January 10, 2011 - 10:25am

thank you for your responce. just knowing i can share my problem helps me. as one says, i problem shared is a problem halfed.

January 6, 2011 - 2:21pm
(reply to yasmin)

Hi Yasmin,
Thank you for coming back and posting your reply. You sound like a very smart woman, and very loving. Your husband is lucky to have you in his life. I'm glad he seems to respond when you talk with him about how he makes you feel. Keep working. Marriage is hard, and needs to be constantly nurtured to continue to grow and evolve over time. It is hard in the daily grind to stop and really look at each other sometimes. Don't lose hope. Focus on yourself and what is good in the relationship, and maybe the sex will come also.
Good luck, and let us know how you are doing as you proceed in this journey. We are glad you are here and the website is helpful.

January 7, 2011 - 8:48am
(reply to Christine Jeffries)

ya thanks alot . i really found this website great.thanks

January 11, 2011 - 2:10pm

i am new tot his web site so bear with me.
I am 25 years old. i am married just over a year, and i my husband hates to touch me. I know its my fault. I dont look really good, and i know he likes wowen who are thin. i am not fat, i have always had big breasts and bum. but i am not fat. i know men like me as i always get attention from men. Men even tell my husband how lucky he is to have someone like me. i have changed my life for this man, my religion, i left my family, friends, school, and my place for him. as i loved him. i mean i still love very much but its like its as if he hates to have sex with me, he hates to touch me. i can just feel it. i still remember the first time we had sex, after he said ,why are you all sweat. i felt so embarrassed. that was the day i should have learnt. even when we were dating, he never used to touch me, i persumed it was because he was religious. but after we married, things got worse. i am in a situation where by her never touches me, never has sex with me. and if he does touch me, i know its only because he feels he needs to or because he knows i want sex. his biggest fear is that i will leave him, as i has a brief affair as he never showed me affection or love and i was craving it so bad, thats why i went to another man. so tahst why he gives me sex, as he is afraid i will go with someone else. but i never will and i assured him of it. and he knows how much i love him. its me who is suffering from the lack of affection or lack of touch or just hearing the word i love . I dont know how to talk to him about it. he is not the kind of man who communiactes well. its as if he just cant. so now he sleeps, and always says i dont feel well at night before we sleep, i know he really means dont try to have sex with me. and sometimes i am so scared to talk as i am afraid he will tell me something like, oh is sex everything?or are you obsessed with sex? and i know that will be the day when i walk out the door and never come back. i love him so much and i dont want my marriage to end. i want him to want sex with me. i know i satify him in bed. and he satifys me when we do have sex, but maybe, its because i am not thin and he doesnt like to touch me. now i feel like i am sleeping alone and beside a stranger while in bed. please someone give me advice. i just dont know how to take the next step. or do i just except it that my life should be with a man who doesnt want sex.please someone give me advice as i am only 25

January 5, 2011 - 12:09pm
(reply to yasmin)

Just as every relationship is unique, so are the reasons or causes behind your partner's choices in his behavior towards you. We have compiled the “best responses” received from both men and women in regards to your specific question, and hope you read through them thoughtfully. Women have been going through the same struggles, and have shared their insight and lessons learned. Men have also shared why they did not want to have sex in their strained relationships. Please let us know what “words of wisdom” or “tips” resonated with you from the following articles:

Helpful Relationship and Sex Articles:

In regard to your specific situation, is your husband's problem medical? Would your husband go to marital counseling with you? If he won't, you may have to just take care of yourself. Would you consider counseling alone if he won't go--no doubt his lack of intimacy has affected you, and a trained counselor could help you to know next steps given your situation. Many health insurance providers offer assistance covering cost of behavioral health services. I realize you may be in a complicated situation being from another country, but please understand that in the United States, you do have options. Let us know if you need help finding resources.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

January 6, 2011 - 9:21am
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