Facebook Pixel

Why doesn't my husband want me?

By March 24, 2009 - 6:41am
Rate This

I am 39 years old and am a newlywed. My husband and I have only been married for a month and a half and he has already lost interest in me sexually. No matter what I do or don't do, I just can't turn him on. I once had a boyfriend who was impotent and he did at least make attempts at having sex. My husband doesn't even try. When we go to bed he goes right to sleep. A few nights ago while we were in bed, I was trying to arouse him and he simply moved my hand and turned over then went to sleep. I could understand if he had always been this way with me but he hasn't.

He makes me feel utterly repulsive.

Is there a medication I can have prescribed for me so that I don't have the urge for sex as well so that I have no problem with his lack of desire for me?

"I'm updating this Blog. If any of you women have had the same problem with your husband please get him to talk to you about what's going on. Maybe he has some health problem that he refuses to get checked out. My husband just passed on March 09. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden. He had to go for training for the Tactical Squad for the prison where he worked on Sunday. I had no idea when I kissed him, hugged him good-bye and told him I loved him that would be the last time I would see him take a breath."

Add a Comment246 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

No need to apologize... i get you. It's hard for women to hear that a man is turned off by a woman's body - but can still lover her. we can have sex even when not aroused... Men maybe not so much. My husband is not turned on by me whatsoever... At all. Period. I'm not ugly ... I'm not repulsive. I think ours is a friend.sister.mother issue... As in he thinks of me those ways. I will never leave him - he says he will never leave me. we will probably end up the kinky swinging couple on the corner:) BTW - I have not interest in him either. I can't get comfy with him sexually. It feels kinda creepy. We have two kids and so it makes it rough to think of ever separating. Financially it'd hurt the kids too much and we're not that selfish.

May 30, 2013 - 5:27am

Thanks for being here, and for feeling strongly enough to post. We appreciate lively discussion, however, I would like to remind everyone here (especially the two Anonymous users most currently involved in discussion), we don't tolerate name calling, and offensive remarks. We need to keep it civil if you want to continue to be a part of this community.
We are here to support and inspire each other, not tear each other down. One person's problem is their problem, important to them, and it is not for you to judge. You can make suggestions to help, but not any that are crude or rude.
Best in health~
EmpowHer Moderator/Guide and HerWriter

January 13, 2011 - 8:27am
EmpowHER Guest

Married a long time actually to long, 40+ years. And I flat refuse to have sex, intimacy with my wife. Its something I really don't need. I'm not gay,into porn or interested in any of that. We had sex maybe a dozen times in our lives and thats it. Also I don't like being touched by any one
including my wife, she has nothing that I want.
The wife has complained, and whinned about her needs ! But as far as I'm concerned she can do what ever to take care of those so called needs. Just don't bother me about it. I've been to doctors, consoling but I refuse there advise and tell them to talk to my wife. Shes the one with all these problems not me.

January 11, 2011 - 1:27pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

You sound asexual. have you read on that? I have... "sexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[11] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal or religious beliefs;[12] sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[13] Some asexual people do engage in sexual activity despite lacking a desire for sex or sexual attraction, due to a variety of reasons, such as a desire to please romantic partners or a desire to have children.[6]"

May 30, 2013 - 5:40am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

you are clearly the one with the problem,you are selfish,sounds
like you need a good shrink,youre wife is a good person to put up with you.stop acting dumb and realize and thank the lord you have a good woman.

January 11, 2011 - 2:10pm
(reply to Anonymous)

your not going to like what i say here but i think your attitude stinks.
a relationship has two people in it, not just you! and if you really love your wife you wouldnt just let her in a marriage where she feels alone. i dont think that you really understand how withholding sex from a woman makes her feel. Seems to me as if you have already made the decision for her to live her life without sex, so i am not sure why your here as you have clearly stated that 'its something i really dont need'. perhaps if you paid more attention to your wife and your marriage i am sure you would see how lonely she is. this is not fair on any woman and your lucky that your wife has stuck around for so long without sex. so if she is complaining i totally understand. because its quiet obvious YOUR the problem and your the one being selfish. so sorry for being outspoken but if you paided more attenion to your wife and marriage perhaps you wouldnt need to waste your time going to doctors and counceling. think about her and how she must be feeling. god you sound so selfish, i pity your wife and once again let me reassure you, Your the problem not your wife.

January 11, 2011 - 2:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to yasmin)

Received some good replys !
I will continue to be the problem, because thats the way I feel. I feel no compassion toward my wife. I' not going to start now having sex with her. We rarely talk and thats fine with me, The needs keep coming up. If I payed attention to her thats just plain discusting. I can't imagine the thought's of holding hands or going out on a date, I bet the last time we went out was at least 20 years ago. Worse yet is seeing her naked. Make sure shes in bed and asleep before I go to bed. Don't want to kiss or have her touch me, and thats just creepy. I told her long ago to go else where for her needs, and whether or no she did I certainly don' know or really care. Were in our mid 60s now so the sex urge for her I think is going away.

January 11, 2011 - 10:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

you are the creepy one,go see a shrink.doesnt matter what age you are,once in a blue moon take care of her.stop thinking about you and think about her.have you tried a shrink for bothof you?.i still think you are selfish.and she loves you or else she wouldnt put up with you,think about that.

January 12, 2011 - 7:44am
(reply to Anonymous)

i have no words for you,only you certainly have intimacy problems.
you live once, and i cant believe your spending it like this. sounds like a miserable life. and knowing that i only live once, makes me want to deal with all the issues in my life other wise i dont feel like i can live my life to the fullest or best of my ability.
why dont you want to see why you dont like to be touched or kissed or held? there is obviously a problem and your just not dealing with it or your ignoring it. but do you realise there is a problem with you?

January 12, 2011 - 3:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to yasmin)

Again thanks for the coments.
The wife is off to bed and by the time I finish writting she should be asleep. As far as issues in my life I really only have one and I'm sure you have figured out what that is by now. I suppose we live a lonely life but thats ok by me. Being in our 60s we really have very little life left, and as of right now I'm happy with my life. As for seeing some one about my problems, I don't think so a shrink will tell me I have problem. I don't care and I can't afford to spend the money. I'll just ignore all my problems and go about my normal routine.

January 12, 2011 - 9:24pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!