Why doesn't my husband want me?

That's a good book. There is also a book by Daphne Rose Kingma titled "Coming Apart - Why relationships end and how to live through the endIng of yours". Ms. Kingma is a marriage counselor who admits that her job is to keep people from killing each other durring the divorce! She breaks down the process of un-loving someone and starting fresh very well. For those who have never gone through divorce or separation, this book is like having a guide so you know what to expect (from an emotional point of view) around every corner. It is also a great book because it helps you to recognize if your relationship can be restored.

I read this book found in the self help of Barns and Noble and Boarders, (sorry, I don't remember the author) called "When your Lover is a Liar" it changed my life and helped me make some really tough decisions about where my life was heading. I suggest everyone read this book, it saved my life.

My story sounds a lot like your stories. After just a few months of marriage, my husband became distant and he "didn't know why." A year later, we were about to move, and suddenly he told me maybe I shouldn't go with him because he was afraid I'd blame him for making me leave my job and friends. This was so out-of-nowhere, I did everything to get us back on track. I ended up moving with him, and quickly learned why he wanted to leave me behind. He'd found another woman. And he'd been looking for one the whole time we were together. A few years later (after working things out, or so I thought), when it was time for him to move again, he said maybe it would be better if he went alone--and I just let him go. He's gone, but he still can't let "us" go. He's since lost the new girlfriend, is looking for others, but can't bring himself to sign the papers. But he obviously doesn't want to treat me the way I want/need to be treated. I'm taking away a lot from your posts. "People treat you the way you let them, not the way you deserve." I had a challenging childhood, so it was tough for me to realize that I didn't need to put up with this cr*p. I grew up with a narcissist parent, so I didn't see the red flags (they were just part of "real life" to me). I'm so happy to learn that I'm not alone. And I can look at this as B.S., instead of what it feels like sometimes, "a tragedy." It's not tragic, it's just a shame he's just a selfish, immature jerk. And I don't need to take it anymore. For a long time, it hurt me to think of doing anything that would hurt him; but now I realize that was the wrong way of thinking, and I've suffered needlessly because of it. But I learned. :)

Narcissists are the master manipulators and they are completely selfish. Sex addicts are typically narcissists, as well as, cult leaders and people like Casey Anthony... or Susan Smith. All they see is their own little worlds, with their own little needs!!

I know I have run into two or three or four... :-)

Reading, for me, is the master healer for troubled times when you ar making a big life change and feel a little like you are at a fork in the road. Internet is loaded with good self help stuff... but if you go to a Barnes and Noble and hang out in the self help section... you'll want to stay in there all day! Well at least I do, it helps to understand what my plight is when I can read about it and disect it. I don't know... try it, see if it helps you!

By the way, women are supposed to support one another, we just forget sometimes out there battling all the battles we face as mothers, wives, employees, bill payers and tax payers... you know the rest!
Any time!

Rhonda,
As a girlfriend once said to me "Onward and Upward". People say lots of things but for some reason that one stuck... it just said much for so little! Another girlfriend coined the phrase... "Walk away with your chin held high and your middle finger heald higher!!" I like that one too... :-)
So use them both...
I know the term sex addict gets thrown around a lot... but I have been doing some reading on it because my sister's ULTRA worthless boyfriend is definitely one. I won't even get into all that... but, your husband had much of the same characteristics. Personally, if my husband ever pulled that garbage or even a portion of it (which thank GOD he is a good guy, so he wouldn't), I would tell him to get the hell out whether he had a problem or not. I wouldn't care to deal with it. I am not a doctor and your issues with "infidelity, dishonesty, needing the attention of other women so you can feel wanted and pathetic computer sex" is not my problem to fix. Bye bye!

You are doing the right thing!!

Ronda... Your very welcome! He is all about pushing blame to excuse his behavior. He is such a victim, isn't he? I hate that... it's called redirecting and I have no need for it! Are you guys divorced or working on it?

Diane... thanks for the completements, I tried hard to word it the right way and am glad it came across as I was hoping it would. I agree with you... there are two rules of thought I live by and try to pass along when it fits. 1. You can't love someone for their potential, you might be waiting forever for that person while living with a jerk. 2. Love is NOT a reason to stay in a relationship. Love alone can't make a marriage work... it takes a whole lot more than that. Love is the baseline, that is where it starts... like #1 in a list of 20... you know?

Blewtheturn... yeah, I said that sentence "he is trying to get you to leave him!" at least 3 or 4 times while I was reading the whole post... I have seen that too many times. It's actually really a weak, pathetic and cruel way to end a relationship! I like your grandmother's saying, that's cute and quite wise! I love Grandmother's for their insight! Also, I am glad you dumped that worthless individual... he sounds exactly like the guy my sister is dating and she just keeps "loving him for his potential" he did all those things you mentioned. My biggest problem of them all... DO NOT ever, ever compete with my son for my love or attention. I can tell you right now, he wins hands down!
Meaning, he is a child and needs me and you are a grown man, so if you can't separate those two things and act like a grown up... you need to go! I don't walk around spouting that off or anything nor would I let my son know that is the case. It was covered that detail in the beginning when we first started dating... I told him, if you ever make me choose... by not doing your part and helping to make the relationship you have with him work... by insulting him or using poor judgement out of an immature emotional reaction or not consider his healthy upbringing when interacting with him... I will choose him over you because I can't risk affecting the rest of his life on my choice of a relationship. He totally understood and agreed with my position.

Thanks ladies for the comments... :-)