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Why doesn't my husband want me?

By March 24, 2009 - 6:41am
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I am 39 years old and am a newlywed. My husband and I have only been married for a month and a half and he has already lost interest in me sexually. No matter what I do or don't do, I just can't turn him on. I once had a boyfriend who was impotent and he did at least make attempts at having sex. My husband doesn't even try. When we go to bed he goes right to sleep. A few nights ago while we were in bed, I was trying to arouse him and he simply moved my hand and turned over then went to sleep. I could understand if he had always been this way with me but he hasn't.

He makes me feel utterly repulsive.

Is there a medication I can have prescribed for me so that I don't have the urge for sex as well so that I have no problem with his lack of desire for me?

"I'm updating this Blog. If any of you women have had the same problem with your husband please get him to talk to you about what's going on. Maybe he has some health problem that he refuses to get checked out. My husband just passed on March 09. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden. He had to go for training for the Tactical Squad for the prison where he worked on Sunday. I had no idea when I kissed him, hugged him good-bye and told him I loved him that would be the last time I would see him take a breath."

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EmpowHER Guest

OK wait a minute! a guy's perspective. I guess I've been dubded annonymous call me Detroyt like the big city. You want your husband to want you again then you have to make yourself more accesible. What do I mean by that? Try this and I guarentee he'll want you again. Set up a senerio where another man shows interest in you (not hitting on you; just casuall conversation) give that guy your undivided attention in the presence of your husband. Make it seem like this guy hits your G-spot so to speak. I'm 99% positive this will cause your husband to mark his territory (clasping your hand, putting his arm around you, trying some way to get your attention off of the other guy.When he does this turn to him and make him think he is the only guy who can rock your world. He'll show just how much he can that night. You set it up with a friend from work or something whom he is unaware of. Men are very territorial he might just lift his leg and pee on you LOL!

January 12, 2010 - 4:14pm

God I feel like every woman here has the same problem as mine..LOL.
No comment i just found my answers.


January 12, 2010 - 1:49pm
(reply to Edith)

Are you able to share with us what specific answers you found particularly helpful in your situation? We would love to hear more.

Take care,

January 12, 2010 - 2:24pm
EmpowHER Guest

From a guys perspective. I love sex, I love sex with my wife, she is overwieght but I still think she is sexy (truth is I like chubby girls not the skinny chicks). We both agree that our sex is great "you rock my world" is the way she puts it. We both like to watch porn as a source of fore play along with some toys (I know most women don't agree with this form of fore play but try it you'll like it) all in all I never think of our sex life as unhealthy. But here is the problem she is a night owl and I am a morning person. After a week long of getting up at 3 am by friday Inight I'm spent; so when she wants sex friday night and I say how about tomorrow morning she imediatly thinks there is something wrong. Then its I'm to fat, I'm ugly, I'm this or that.......no it's just that "I'm" tired and would much rather do it in the morning. But ironicly she doesn't want to because it's morning and she to quote "hates the morning". Stop psycho analysing everything people and just have some heart pounding sex :)!!!!!!!!!!

January 9, 2010 - 7:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Well, that would be awfully nice. Think you can talk my husband into it?

December 21, 2010 - 10:18pm
EmpowHER Guest

My ,husband is the same way, he was only "on" the first month of our marriage, but he is a camel when it comes to having sex. I have talked to him, pleaded, screamed, fought and i get the same results. He does not seek me at all, but if I do he answers but I am tired of not being chased. It makes me feel unwanted. He sais that he forgets, but if I start he will continue, he does... but who forgets to have sex? It makes me wonder why he will continue if I start, but why wont he seek me? I am living with my best fRIEND.

January 7, 2010 - 5:32pm
(reply to Anonymous)


I'm so sorry this is the situation that you're in. May I ask how long you've been married?

Are you considering leaving him? Have you asked him if he would go to couples therapy with you?

You say you are living with your best friend, Anon, but best friends are generous, open and thoughtful. Best friends don't have to plead, scream or fight. There's something else going on here that won't change unless the two of you (and it MUST be the two of you) recognize it and try to change it.

Can you tell us a little more about what's going on here? Do you have any hope for change?

January 8, 2010 - 9:41am

Another point I'd like to throw in, is that men LOVE freaky nasty dirty sex. To most of them, they do NOT connect love and sex as women do, and it's a huge step but you might need to take it. My boyfriend loves that I can be the dirty slut in the bedroom but the sweetest girl in the world any other time. You need to fulfill his fantasies, even if that means being the biggest slut in the universe, think about what you want more....a sex life or your pride? My mom has been married for over 10 years and she still has an amazing sex life, they have sex at least 5 times a week STILL after THIS long. She gave me a lot of tips and they helped immediately. Go out of your way for him! Stop asking for him to please you and please him! Offer to give him a blowjob, I don't think any man on the planet would refuse that. And, responding to some other posts, YES porn definitely does change a mans mind - there is no such thing as MAKING LOVE to most of them :P That is just corny and boring to them - they want you to let loose and have fun, and hopefully it's not too late to do that

December 18, 2009 - 10:23pm

I came to this site a while ago to read about this because I thought that I was beginning to go through the same thing. Fortunately I've managed to turn things around. I found myself crying over these stories, thinking that I would end up the same. I have gone through this and I have laid in bed at night crying because my boyfriend wouldn't touch me, well I've found a cure for me and I hope that it will help some of you. I decided that communication wouldn't help after a few long conversations that always left me unsatisfied. I realized that if I wanted to have the perfect boyfriend, than I needed to be the perfect girlfriend. Crying to him and whining to my friends wasn't going to help anything. I know that he doesn't like touching or being touched and that he doesn't enjoy sex anywhere near as much as I do. Well if I wanted him to change for me then I needed to change for him first. I started acting the way I used to, when we first got together - cleaning the whole house, cooking and taking care of him, dressing up and putting make up on just to look beautiful for him and his reaction has been just what I was hoping for. You can't smother someone and expect them to open up to you, you have to let them come to you. I know it probably isn't the same thing for every man, because every man's fantasy is different. My boyfriend grew up with a mother who I swear is secretly a saint. She cleans and cooks and does EVERYTHING for all of her children, so I'm sure that it was something he was used to. Here I was, getting too comfortable and becoming lazy, I sat on my butt all day and complained when I had to do something. The fact is, men want you to take care of them they want you to make them feel like you appreciate them and all that they do for you. Sometimes you need to bend your beliefs and your thoughts on things for him, and when you can be open to do that for him than he will be more inclined to kiss you and touch you like he did before. Maybe getting dressed up in lingerie isn't what he wants, my boyfriend, for instance HATES lingerie and rather see me in a tank top than something like that. Who knows who your husbands/boyfriends fantasy girl is. Find out and turn into her :) and things will hopefully start going your way, I wish you all the best of luck!

December 18, 2009 - 10:10pm
EmpowHER Guest

I first want to say how sorry I am that you are feeling so poorly about yourself, and the situation you are in. I have some advice and it may sound really crazy, or wrong, but I will tell you what worked for me. Both me and my fiance are Grad students, we find ourselves very stressed most of the time, because of this we were not having sex. I'm sure there are some insecurities with us as well, not to mention his family has been very open recently as to their lack of support for our marriage. I'm middle class... his family is NOT... so, We had a friend over for dinner, and he offered us marijuana. We don't smoke marijuana! However, that night, we thought well what the heck. After a while of smoking our friend left and we were on our own. We decided to go to bed and I think that the drug really helped us relax, and drop any inhibitions. It was really great! We had the best sex and the next day he said it felt like we really connected. I don't know but maybe the hippies had something right. I know marijuana might not be something you would even do, but maybe there is something else out there that is legal or fun that you can try. I would suggest not drinking booze.. because that will hinder his erection... I can hurt more then help. There are pills like xanex.. maybe that would relax him, or sneak him some pot brownies. I have only smoked 4 times in 29 years. However, I'm thinking about doing it again because it was such a good sexual experience for us.

December 18, 2009 - 12:44am
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