Why doesn't my husband want me?

i'm sorry to hear of your loss. thank you for the update. it makes people see that you never know what tomorrow brings

Hi-
Well, where do I start. All I have to say is this website is so comforting, but yet I find myself so saddened that so many other women are going through this also.
I've been with my husband for a little over 11 years. We've been married for 6 years and I'll tell you, the sex hasn't ever really been ideal. In the begining I told myself that it will get better. Early on I got pregnant. When we got engaged 7 years ago, our sex life was at it's peak, once every other week.
The last couple of years have been the worst. I have asked him on occasian during some of the many dry spells we had, why? I never really get a concrete answer, but I know he feels like I am pushy. I really don't start trying to initiate it untill it's been quite a while since the last time and then he feels like I am pushing him. I don't know what to do because he's pretty high strung and a lot of times he jumps when I try to touch him. The most I ever am allowed to do is rub his back and he's turned away from me. I never get passionate kisses, I can't remember the last time I had an opened mouth kiss, I'd say over two years ago.
I know most women would be long gone by now, but we have a child, we do have fun together, except when it comes to the bedroom. We watch movies together, go out occasionally, both love football, and I feel like somehow I am a bitch if I were to end my marriage because of lack of sex.
He's told me before that it was never like this with the last person he was with and that he would fix this, but yet he takes no initiative to do it on his own. I know he won't do counseling because he says he feels worse after counseling than he did before he went. I am not about to make a dr. appointment for someone who seems to have no interest to take the first step themselves to fix it. He tells me he would have sex if he could, but at the same time doesn't seem to be phased by the lack of it. I can't remember the last time we had sex, I want to say January, but I am not even sure, it might've been 2011.
I feel like I have no one to confide in because all my friends are friends with him and I feel bad airing this out to them, because I don't think he'd like them knowing about our bedroom business, I really need to talk to someone though, because I feel so isolated right now. I know he's not cheating on me, because he has no time. He doesn't really care for porn. I can't live much longer like this because it's seriously breaking my heart. I don't want to wake up one day and now it's been 20 years of being miserable without feeling loved. I truly believe he's either got ED or he has a low T level, but without seeing the dr. nothing can be done. He cut his finger pretty deep when we were moving, but he's so stubborn with dr's I couldn't talk him into getting it checked out.

I am a husband who doesn't want sex with his wife. As a matter of fact we haven't had sex at all since our last child was conceived in 1998. I have always found it difficult to maintain sexual desire for just one person for long periods of time. Even when I was dating I tended to break off the relationship after a few sexual encounters because I would lose desire for the woman. Perhaps I should not have gotten married. I think a lot of men are like me. They need newness and variety in order to get sexually aroused. The trouble is we also want to have kids and be part of a family. The ironic joke of my life is that I gave up a good sex life in order to get married. However living with my kids makes the lack of sex worthwhile. If things get really bad I masturbate and just carry on. It is not perfect but seeking extramarital affairs just so I can get aroused again is not worth endangering my marriage.

I just wanted to add something to what I just wrote. My husband only gives me passionate kisses when we finally have sex otherwise I just get a quick kiss on the mouth. I'm sooooo upset that I am hurting real bad. I have started cutting myself everytime I get sad about this whole situation and because he barley looks at me he has not even noticed. Laura

Hi, I am 37 and just got married, my husband is 46 . We have not known each other that long but it was love at first sight. He is a lovely man but I get the impression that he doesn't find me sexually attractive even before we got married. I dress nice and make myself look pretty for him but It's like he doesn't have the urge to touch me. I am not ugly or fat so i don't know what's wrong. When a couple first get together they usually want to have sex all the time but he was never like that . And when we do have sex I feel like a kid in a candy store all happy that he finally wants me. I know he has a lot of pain in his back, hips and legs but sometimes I feel he is using it as an excuse . When I ask him if he doesn't want me sexually he always says that he loves everything about me including sex. But why doesn't he show it. Why does he not make me feel sexually attractive . Plz help me . Laura

I feel your pain. My husband and I have been married 5 months, im 20 weeks pregnant with our son and he doesnt want me anymore. He complains about not getting any but I try and he doesnt want me. tonight I found calls, texts and naked pics from some thin pretty blond aske him about it and he said it was an old friend. But why he was asking her for topless pics and not telling her he was married and having errotic conversations with her I dont know. I feel like my world has just fallen appart. He said hes not cheeting on me or anything but he changed the pass code on his phone which tells me he is.

hi,
i am 31 years old, my husband is 29. we have been married for 2 1/2 years. I have had to all but beg for sex since we started dating. I am so used to having a man that sex was his every waking thought that , now, im having a hard time trying to cope with my hubby. i am a little overweight but my husband says he likes me better that way. he has no problems with getting it up but he absolutly REFUSES to make love with me more than twice a week! It is a little frustrating! Any ideas??

Hi,

I have experience something same, i am 24 and my husband is 32, we are newly married, he loves me, i love him, he find me beautiful, But when its comes to bed........ its a horror story... I can't arouse him, even when I try, he starts laughing as if i am cracking a joke, no smooches just peck of kiss, always, I am really fond of passionate kissing.

For him honeymoon is a hiped up thing, after marriage we went to a
family party far from home, we shared the room with his parents.
We don't go to pubs or frd's coming over n all. We just go to his parents home every weekend, a long weekend if we are not going to his parents is gym, mall, redbox movie.

We want a baby, that makes the reason for having sex so its focused around my ovulation. That too, it is tough for him to ejaculate inside with that kind of motion so i had to manually Masturbate him so that he could ejaculate. for the sperm n egg thing.

We have had proper sex without Masturbation is only 2wice in 10 months.

N worst now new is since he can't be stimulated so porn on computer, while I am lying like a sextoy.

Hating every minute of it...

Hi,

I have experience something same, i am 24 and my husband is 32, we are newly married, he loves me, i love him, he find me beautiful, But when its comes to bed........ its a horror story... I can't arouse him, even when I try, he starts laughing as if i am cracking a joke, no smooches just peck of kiss, always, I am really fond of passionate kissing.

For him honeymoon is a hiped up thing, after marriage we went to a
family party far from home, we shared the room with his parents.
We don't go to pubs or frd's coming over n all. We just go to his parents home every weekend, a long weekend if we are not going to his parents is gym, mall, redbox movie.

We want a baby, that makes the reason for having sex so its focused around my ovulation. That too, it is tough for him to ejaculate inside with that kind of motion so i had to manually Masturbate him so that he could ejaculate. for the sperm n egg thing.

We have had proper sex without Masturbation is only 2wice in 10 months.

N worst now new is since he can't be stimulated so porn on computer, while I am lying like a sextoy.

Hating every minute of it...