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I am 30 years old and my husband is 32. We have been married for almost 6 years and have been together for almost 11 years. We were young when we met, so we had a very healthy and active sex life. Over the last few years, our sex life has greatly decreased. My husband is still affectionate towards me (hugs, holding hands, a peck), but nothing more intimate including sex. I always have to initiate and he turns me down more often than not. This constant rejection makes me feel unattractive, undesirable and distant from my husband. I take care of myself and actually look better than when we first met. My husband travels a lot for work (2/3 of the time), so I would think that he would want to be intimate with me when we see each other. He shuts down or gets defensive when I ask him about it. He did finally go to the doctor last week for a checkup and everything checked out ok. I am at a loss for what to do at this point.
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Add a Comment15 Comments
my husband and i have been together 7 years and have got an almost 9 month old baby.im only just turned 30. throughout the whole pregnancy he didnt want to touch me intimately at all,which i can understand.men get freaked out about the situation..but hes been with me maybe twice after the birth.im in the exact same boat as the previous comment.i realisically would love to be intimate once a fortnite minimum..and i do try that but he always pushes me back literally and says no.he wont even hold hands.hes explaination is that hes too tired...but hes not too tired to go out with friends,workout,play computer games and watch porn(cos i found it in his history on computer).when i approach the subject he tells me not to be silly.i am getting at that stage whereas if nothing happens soon i might have to leave(getting teary now).i dont want to but its hard not knowing whats wrong.
April 23, 2014 - 4:58pmThis Comment
Dear Anon,
Thank you for your post. I am sorry that you are having to go through this with your husband. After 11 years together, I can see how many men (and women) lose the passion in the bedroom and their sex lives change. Have you guys tried going on a vacation? Planning a romantic night? Rent a hotel room! I know you have your own home but many times a change in scenario is what you need to keep your sex life alive. Same bed, same routine= no fun. If he won't take matters into his hands, you do it.
It's not that he doesn't love you. Heck, I'm sure he finds you to be just as beautiful as you were the day you first met-- REMIND him of what he has. Not by asking "Why won't you have sex with me?" or "Is there someone else?"
Tease him. Send him a naughty text message while he's in the middle of a meeting-- change your name to Natasha and set up a "date" with him. Take him out on a night he will never forget-- this will kick in his 11 year LOVE for you while behaving like he is with a completely new woman.
My point is, Anon, that as much as you may love a person-- monotony gets the best of us in relationships--especially ones that have lasted over a decade. Keep it fresh, keep it alive-- don't let time burn out the passion in your marriage.
March 28, 2010 - 12:44pmThis Comment
Funny I'm going through the same thing except doesn't go away, just works long hours... And maybe I've put on 15 pounds in the past 3 years (was 105 now 120) cuz he doesnt seem care.. Maybe its how I'm felling but if they are not interested, like normal men should be, if you look after yourself and i'm still size 2-4 they are definitely cheating.
May 23, 2010 - 11:59pmFor all my life.. what man doesnt want to have sex, for all my ex's even when it was bad the only thing that would keep us together was sex.
Now I feel they want us as the 'perfect on paper and to friends and family girl" and 'oh they are tired and not right now" but it aint cutting it. I believe it aint like that, we are just fooled and the wrst part is we are trapped and cant move on, cuz they have us cornered!! How did we end up here!!
This Comment
I ask myself that same question "how did I end up here?". I told myself that when I got married, whatever my husband wanted sexually I would comply. My ex's said I was so good in bed that there was no way I would have marital problems. Oh, except that...my husband hates being intimate with me. Doesn't want road head, doesn't want oral, doesn't want a 3-some, doesn't like lingerie, doesn't care if I dress up or not, doesn't care if I'm out all night...I feel rejected and humiliated. How did I end up here?!
November 22, 2015 - 8:27pmThis Comment
I've been married for going on 7 years. But in the last 2 years or so, our sex life has been very sporadic and sometimes nonexistent. I've tried talking to my husband about the issue, and he always says we'll talk about it later...except later never comes. He'll make up excuses and make it seem like it's my fault that he doesn't want to have sex with me which, in turn pisses me off. And after changing the way I do things around the house, or with my appearance... I tell him, he no longer has excuses. Only, the other night all he said to me was, he did..(have excuses) but we would talk about it later. I've basically given up on hopes of having children at this point. Because, even though he says he wants kids... he seems to forget ya gotta do the deed to have em.
December 8, 2016 - 4:10amThis Comment