Facebook Pixel

Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
Rate This

We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

Add a Comment1230 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

That is the same issue as I've got exactly

September 7, 2013 - 4:20pm
EmpowHER Guest

So it's not only me being abandoned? ((( We are 9 months now. It was perfect until the last month. Every time i want to initiate intimacy, he is tired, or busy, or needs to get up early. Im adventurous in bed, sexy lingerie and all... i thought maybe he has some problems, but no - today i found out he watches porn and masturbates on it. That lowers my confidence, i dont feel attractive and desired. I don't know what to do now.

April 13, 2013 - 12:53pm
(reply to Anonymous)

How did you find out he watches porn?

April 16, 2013 - 9:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

Could it be that you have gain a bunch of weight? Its a real turnoff for guys when their girl was in good shape when they were dating, then they turn into a couch potato hamster as soon as things get serious.

April 7, 2013 - 1:13pm
EmpowHER Guest

Wow! I was worried that i was the only one suffering from this, because all the other couples seems so sweet together.
my bf and i have been dating for 8 month. for the first 6 month, we were quite active and he enjoyed dirty talking and jokes. but now, it seemed like that he is not that into physical anymore, and I am always the one who asks for "alone time" since he doesn't mention it anymore. we still hang out when ever we have time. but i just feel like i am unwanted, and he is not that sexually attracted to me anymore, which is making me very sad.

April 2, 2013 - 12:16am
EmpowHER Guest

Wow, I can't believe so many women are dealing with this problem! It definitely makes me feel better. I've been seeing my boyfriend for 10 months, like many of you ladies, we had sex all the time for the first 4 or 5 months (from 1-2 times a day up to 4 or 5). In fact, he told me several times how satisfied he was, and that out of all his partners he felt that he was most sexually compatible with me. During that conversation he mentioned how he and his ex would rarely have sex and that he thinks sex is an integral part of a relationship (something we agree on). Now we have sex once a week maybe, he never initiates it and when I do it seems that he's just doing it because I want to. This is wrecking my confidence and making me wonder if this relationship is going anywhere at all.

April 1, 2013 - 11:48am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I feel the same way. I mean, not feeling like he loves me anymore or I'm not attractive. What should I do?

April 24, 2013 - 11:50pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem.. only me and my partner's sex life has withered down to around three times a year. I really can't bare it anymore, especially when he jokes about needing condoms, and I'm like well we don't bloody use them. I have put on about 2 stone and I am really self conscious, but whenever I try and bring it up like when he mentions condoms, he gets all arsey and so I can't talk to him about it. I know this may sound naive, but I am seriously starting to think he may be gay. He's gone into acting and he's not the manliest of men. Or he's cheating. But it's a little reassuring that I'm not the only one.

March 30, 2013 - 3:39pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am so glad I am not alone. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. The first 6 months the sex was great and I never let it get any less on my end. I never said no to him and I always tried to do new exciting things. Every time I talk to him about being spontaneous he brushes it off. Like other posts I have read, he'll make a comment about wanting it later but then ignores any advances. Also like other posts..when I ask about it he obviously says nothing is wrong. He doesn't seem to care about my needs at all and for some reason he seems to prefer mastrubating over sex. He seems lazy and disinterested all the time. He comes up with so many excuses..but I know it's not the real reason "I'm tired" is the most common.. He smokes pot a lot too..which I think could be partof it.. but he always has smoked.. and in the beginning we had no issue... I'm just so confused. I don't want to be in a relationships where I don't have sex with someone I'm supposed to be in love with. It's driving me crazy...I had the opposite problem with my ex..What do I do? I've never felt so lost before... It's making me feel really bad about myself...and my relationship.. Help :(

March 14, 2013 - 5:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I feel like ive just read my story word for word... The sad thing is my partner of three years masturbates 3-4 times a week, yet tells me hes just not that sexual. In the beginning we had sex at least twice a day. Probably for a good six months. Now its only when i make advances, and if hes not too tired to 'accept'. And because its so far and few between, it doesnt last long, because it "feels too good" which in reality is only because it doesnt happen that often. I love my partner, but my needs are just as important as his. And he is more than well taken care of in other areas... I just get nothing except what ever he has left over at the end... And ive suggested maybe hes just not interested in me, but he reassures me hes more in love with me than ever and couldnt live without me... What is going ? Im so confused :''(

March 28, 2013 - 7:38am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sexual Health

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Related Checklists

Sexual Health Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!