Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

I wish I could add some advice? Prior to my beautiful new boyfrined I would have advised a neutral ground and comfortable spot to discuss how you feel? But after 30 years of having 4 very long term relationships I have found myself in a similar situation/ I met my boyfriend and with in the first week to my horror he turned me down twice!! This was very foreighn ground for me and too be honest it reduced what I considered to be a very confident and extremely comfortable woman regarding her sexuality to a insecure mess. All these new emotions arose from within me that I have never ever had to deal with before? I have since realised and found out he has from the time he was very young always considered sex to be " bluntly" watching porn and masturbating.. Thats basically it! I have spoken to him at lenght about the intimacy surrounding making love that I feel obviously you dont get from a porn movie...His response was... sex is sooooo much of an effort! I know that he loves me, but I feel sex to him is an act and a function that he performs only once in a while. I guess the biggest problem I have is that Im willing to compromise and settle for maybe a couple of times per week, but I do want it only if he feels like it, then iy hits me everytime! THE MAN I LOVE HAS NO DESIRE TO HAVE SEX WITH ME...SO DOES THAT MEAN HE TRULY LOVES ME OR AM I JUST COMPANY? If anyone has any advice or comments i would greatly appreciate it. Im finding Im scared I missing out on the love and affection that comes with making love

Please if you have any advice let me know

question for guys...? please tell me...is it really possible to be stressed so much at work...see ur gf once a week...coz u r workin in another state...and not to want her??? telling that u love her at the same time...and excuse for not having sex is...tired...stressed...headache...all body in pain...always something...is it really possible??? i would like hear more coments from guys...coz any way everybody is different...pls any advices???

i'm in my 50's my boyfriends has stop having sexs with me to, he is 10 years older that me ,i think he is cheating, ido everything for him, i wash for him ,cook, clean, what am i doin wrong.

Hello everyone :)
But most special "Miss kitty".
Thank you for posting your question & sorry I can be of no help due to my inexperience of life as well as my current similar situation. I'd also like to know what was the outcome of your situation.

I have read this question as well as answers & opinions of others. I myself am encountering a similar problem with my boyfriend of 3 years. Obviously in the beginning of most relationships there is the "honeymoon" stage. With that said for at least the first 2 years "ish" the sex has slowly decreased but was still up to the quantity I desired. Now the last, let's say 2-4 months it has almost diminished. We have not had sex for about a month including a week of healing from surgery I had. (Also he has been lying about hanging with his friends that I don't like & we got past that recently,as well as how he was going to bikini baristas. but now I feel if he lies about that what else?)
So tonight we decided to have sex? That sounds stupid why would anyone have to basically say, "let's have sex." Or his innuendo "take off your clothes" or "get naked".... Something like that. Anyways were into for a good ten minute, with minor four play first, then like I said were like 10-20 minutes in & I knew he wouldn't come. Which happens occasionally. I figured with the lack of intimacy it would have been easier but apparently not.
Back to the point were both 20 years young (my optimism) & we been together since our teens & have had our trials & tribulations but I've asked why & talked about it the right way & explain how I felt with the response of, " I work a lot & I like to come home relax & sleep." It all just makes me feel like ugly & not loved & just feels like maybe there's better? Basically feel inadequate now but I still try...
Well how hard is it to relax for at least 5-7 hrs before bed with a clean house & cooked meals as well as giving him personal time without bothering him while he plays games or sits on Craigslist looking at trucks etc.?
I also have taken initiative several times. I also am by no means unattractive. I am 5' petite, blonde collarbone length hair, green eyes & 101.2lbs to be exact. So what is it? Another female? am I boring?.. I don't think so..is it his work load? Like what male does not want to be intimate with their lover best friend at least once a week?? Please tell me! Or help me!
Thanks for reading & comments ahead of time for reading my obvious novel above.

I agree that sex changes according to life's changes. Intimacy between my boyfriend and I have slowed since summer time, when my boyfriend found a full-time job as a preschool teacher and also teaches at his church on the weekends. He admitted that having "exercise" (as we call it) with me made him extremely tired the next day, making it hard for him to stay awake at work. I was bummed for a while, but then I got used to it. He's still the same person, and he shows his love in other ways, such as cooking me dinner, picking me up from work, going to the mall for my sake, etc. (Oh yeah, and he still gets moody around me :P) ...So have no fear: Just because the sex slows down doesn't mean the relationship has.

I'm A guy, and I have been in this situation myself, I just couldn't motivate myself to have sex with my partner after months of it happening all the time. But i realised, i was working out of town, getting in at 6am, then she would go to uni at 9 and we would catch up in the afternoon, by which time she would crave it, and i would just feel nothing. I then left my job a few months later and everything is back to normal, regular sex, and flirting again! So I agree with the 1st reply, its probably a change in lifestyle.

I can totally relate to what most of the blogs I've read have said...I can't believe I'm actually on here writing about this because I've kept it to myself for soo long hoping that time would fix what ever this problem is, but many many months down the line things are still the same.
I've been married to my husband for two years, we've been together for about 5 in total. Everything was great in the first few years but it seems that with in the last year, possibly even more now, my husband is becoming more and more distant and is not sexually attracted to me at all. Now, I'm lucky if I'm intimate in any way with my husband even once every one to two months whereas before it was at least once or twice a week.
I'd love to say I'm really trying to make the first move and making a great effort but the truth is I just can't anymore; I just feel awful and stupid if I do and whatsmore I feel like I'm pushing him in to something he doesn't really want to do. This is only verified when he makes excuses as to why we can't or worst still by him going out every time we might have actually had an opportunity to be together.
We're both busy with work and tired a lot of the time but this doesn't stop him going out. My feeling is that if it's that important and you are aware that your partner feels it is too you would make the time. I've tried numerous times to talk to him about this but each time I'm told that he still love's me but that he doesn't know what the problem is. Nothing ever changes though.
There's only so much I can do to help this situation now as my self-esteem is at an all time low despite compliments from other people. The only person I want is my husband and I'd love it if he wanted me too. I just need some ideas as to what could be going on because right now I'm at a complete loose end. I would be grateful for any suggestions, serious ones only please?

I have the same problem.. he has been my bf for 1 year and 9 months now.. usually, he's the one who comes up and initiates sex but lately, he doesn't anymore.. i mean, he does some fondling, we kiss passionately, but it doesn't end up with sex anymore. He lives an hour away from me and we both go to different colleges so we don't get to see each other all the time, maybe just once a week and almost always, we have sex..but lately, it's been dull sex (he finishes quickly like maybe he doesn't enjoy it with me anymore) to no sex at all. I don't know what's going through his mind coz I feel ashamed to confront him about it and I don't want to seem too forward and aggressive.. but it's really bothering me and it makes me feel so depressed and inadequate, like maybe I'm not hot enough or maybe it's because lately, my pimples have been acting up again (but I already had pimples when we first gone out so I'm puzzled). or maybe he's cheating on me which I hope he isn't coz I love him so much. either way, I am disappointed with my relationship right now and I just want us to be like we were before.. :( I'm not gonna cheat on him for the lack of sex, but I might consider leaving him coz I feel that he doesn't want me anymore.. I know it's best to ask him about it, but how do I ask him in an appropriate way? oh Lord help me..

i have the same problem. i am 35 and he is 27, he is satisfied once a week and i mean only he get ssatified. he dosnt make sure that i gt anyhting out of the the thing. we are suppose to be marriered this may but im pretty sure thats not going to happen .... HELP!!!!!

Hi Anonymous,
Under the circumstance, you must try and understand that he may just be telling you the truth that sex is not important and he wants to build a relationship with you based on more than just sex. The long journey may be part of it.

On the other hand, if you think it is because of something else (cheating), that is your judgment to stay or leave the relationship. It is up to you but communicating with him is your best option.

Good luck to you.
Missie