Facebook Pixel
Q: 

Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
Rate This

We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

Add a Comment1230 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Why is everything on this site edited for language? If we are old enough to discuss this topic we are old enough to deal with four letter words being used.

December 15, 2011 - 10:55am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Have you considered that he is having sex with someone else- either female or male? If he is a normal healthy male sex is a natural desire. If he is a diabetic, has a heart condition, is on medication, depressed this might lower his libido (interest in sex) I am in my 50's. Most of the women I know who had husbands not interested in sex turned out to be gay and were trying to live the straight life.

December 13, 2011 - 12:20am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

WOW I CANT BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY HERE POSTING THIS BUT OH WELL. I SAT DOWN TO USE MY LAPTOP TO DO SOME SCHOOL WORK BUT BEFORE DOING SO I DECIDED TO CHECK A COUPLE OF THINGS OUT AND THIS WEBPAGE RANDOMLY POPS UP. WELL I'M A 25 YEAR OLD MALE I WORK FULL TIME I ATTEND COLLEGE AFTER WORK AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS MUCH ITS EXHAUSTING ESPECIALLY DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF JOB. IVE MYSELF PERSONALLY NOTICED THAT I'M MORE TIRED NOW THEN I USED TO BE BEFORE INCLUDING BOTH OF THESE THINGS INTO MY SCHEDULE. ALSO SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE A LONG AWFUL HECTIC DAY AT WORK AND THEN HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL THE LAST THING ON MY MIND IS HAVING SEX WITH HER. BUT SOMETIMES I DO NEED TO GO ABOVE AND BEYOND TO SUIT HER NEEDS JUST LIKE SHE DOES FOR ME. SOMETIMES I'M ALSO RANDOMLY TIRED AND JUST WANNA SLEEP. DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN I'M OUT THERE BANGING SOME OTHER CHICK. ALTHOUGH WE MEN DO HAVE THE TENDENCY TO DRIFT AWAY IF THE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T STAY INTERESTING. I AS A GUY FOR ONCE LOVE IT WHEN I GET HOME AND SHE JUST SPONTANEOUSLY GRABS MY MALE TOY AND ACTS LIKE IF IT WERE TO BE A LOLLIPOP IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. THAT THERE BLOWS ME AWAY AND REALLY MAKES ME WANNA DO THINGS I CANT EVEN REALLY MANAGE TO DO BECAUSE I GUESS JUST AREN'T POSSIBLE, SHE JUST REALLY KEEPS ME SATISFIED ON HER END. ALSO WHEN SHE GETS NAKED AND SHES ALL THONGED UP AND JUST DOES ALL THE FOREPLAY AND EXTRAS. I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS IF YOU LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP START HEADING TOWARDS THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS NO KIND OF EMOTION OR THRILL IN IT WELL HEAD OUT AND HAVE OUR ADVENTURES. I ALSO NOTICED THEN WHEN GOING TO THE GYM I AM MORE STRESS FREE, MORE PRO-ACTIVE AND MORE SEXUALLY ACTIVE. ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. WHEN I EAT OUT TO OFTEN I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO SLACK MORE AND FEEL SLOUCHY IN OTHER WORDS FEEL LIKE CRAP. OR THE GUY JUST DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK IT TO YOU. MAYBE KNOW HE JUST FEELS A CERTAIN WAY AND DOESN'T WANNA HURT YOUR FEELINGS.OR THE GUY IS JUST A DICK AND WANTS TO HAVE FUN . HOPE YOU CAN STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.

December 8, 2011 - 12:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

peaple who take stimulents type drugs often dont get an erection. coc for example does that. does he take any drugs? also how is he acting to you? is do you guys communicate still the same or has he distanced himself verbally to?

December 7, 2011 - 6:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

do you think he like a guy? not girl??

December 6, 2011 - 4:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I stopped having sex with my last girlfriend after I had sex with some younger women that I worked with.

December 5, 2011 - 10:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi. I searched this today. My boyfriend tells his friends we have sex all of the time. I'm flattered that he tells them about how awesome I am, because I try so hard to impress my boyfriend with everything I do in our relationship. I do anything sexual that he wants whenever he wants. He tells them that. They envy him and I feel like I'm doing my job correctly for them to think that way. He also tells them that he makes me cum all of the time. The truth is, he's only made me cum maybe twice the year we have been together and nothing like I know I can (not when I'm alone, just in general). He used to talk so much about how much he wants to and what he would do to me, but once given the chance he didn't deliver...ever. Oral happens for him all of the time. Even when I'm down I still go down on him so he will atleast feel good. I told him today that I go down on him because it turns me on to just hear him and feel his hands on my face but the only real thrill I get out of it is imagining what he could be doing to me. Oral NEVER happens for me. I think he's done it maybe 6 times compared to the many many times I do it.
He says he will try harder to just simy have sex with me more often but that will happen for like two days then we will go maybe a month or a month an a half to two months before we have sex more than once in a day. We've never had the sexual relationship where we had to get it on every 5 minutes, everywhere. He says he is completely turned on by me and wants to do so many things to me...he just doesn't. The sad thing is...when I tell him I want to have sex, or if I begin to get frustrated, he completely shuts me out and tells me he doesn't care or it's not important. I know he isn't having sex with anyone else. He's always too tired or his stomach is upset and we go to sleep. It's not exciting when we do have sex because it's ALWAYS in our bed, at night, and quietly (because we live on the second floor in our apartment).
He even said once that he is just lazy sometimes. Too lazy to even get his member up for me to handle. Sometimes I have to almost beg him to let me go down on him. We don't even make out.
I know the guy loves me...it's just that I don't think he is sexually attracted to me. He thinks I will be here no matter what. No matter how many times he actually turns me down.

Now, he has made a drastic move from country to country, new job, less income, new friends, bills (loans), and has been married once, engaged I think two other times. This last relationship lasted him 7 years, on and off. He was telling her he made a mistake by leaving and that he missed and still loved her. He even offered to move her here to be with him. :(

He loves me. I love him, most of the time. He just doesn't satisfy me in more ways than one.

I don't know what to do. Sorry for venting. I know I'm going to en up staying in this unsatisfying relationship. Idk why, but here I am. :( my life used to be so exciting.

December 4, 2011 - 6:34pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry you're in such an unhappy relationship. Your story was a bit confusing at times because you talk about how cool it is that he brags to his friends and then you jump to how unsatisfied you are in sex. Then you start saying that you know he loves you but you admit that he has tried to get another woman to move with him because he misses her and that he shuts you off...It almost sounds like you are combining what you wish was really true with the actual reality.

If he isn't interested in sex, don't pursue it. There is no reason why you should be begging to give a man a blow job when he doesn't want one. Let him ask for it every now and again-- maybe he's just not that into it anymore because he can get it at the drop of a hat. As far as you being pleased, you shouldn't please a man before you are pleased-- because once men are done, they're done. You can start with foreplay, but don't finish with him before getting started on you.

In all honesty, I think there may be a bigger picture here. You don't seem to love him and I'm not sure he loves you. So, figure this out before, like you said, you end up staying in an unsatisfying relationship.

-Rosa  

December 6, 2011 - 5:04am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My bf & I have been together for 1 1/2 years we don't have sex ANYMORE. He says I should make the first move. WTF I'm 36 5 "2 95 lbs. with 34 DD's.

December 4, 2011 - 6:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My bf & I have been together for 1 1/2 years we don't have sex ANYMORE. He says I should make the first move. WTF I'm 36 5 "2 95 lbs. with 34 DD's.

December 4, 2011 - 6:15pm
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sexual Health

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Related Checklists

Sexual Health Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!