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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

Add a Comment1230 Comments

(reply to Neanie)

what if your boyfriend isn't into any of the stuff like that..my guy doesn't really like anything sexual..like..he doesn't like bj's, hj's, or even making out..it's always like...straight to sex...and he never goes out so it's not like he would notice other guys looking at me if I did go out...

May 21, 2010 - 10:47pm
(reply to Neanie)

I enjoyed reading this. This is also great advice!
I'm going to use this as well as someone else's advice to "take sex off the table for 2 weeks, don't even make it an option"
and hopefully he will want me again.
even though I try quite often to talk to him cute and lovey and touch him softly down there. and of course he had an excuse, but it definitely wasn't sexual, it was quite the opposite. and I had gotten all cute and sexy for him... everything.
You know, it's not even the sex I want. It's the WANT that I want from him, does that make sense? I want him to WANT me again, to WANT to have sex, to WANT to make out & cuddle with me, otherwise I don't want it.
BUT i'm not giving up. I'm gonna take everyone's advice and see what happens! thanks

April 17, 2010 - 4:35am
(reply to JaymeLeigh)

Hey so did you make it 2weeks? Did this work? I loved the advice you responded to. I've tried it all though...except taking sex off the table for more than a few days. So I'm curious if that worked for you. I'm not sure I have it in me to not even attempt to initiate sex for that long. My sex drive & desire for intimacy and being/feeling wanted always seems to take over before my fiancé feels inclined to have sex.
We've been together for 3 years and the first 1 1/2 hrs we made love constantly and it was always amazing, passionate, seriously fireworks. When I moved in 1 1/2 yrs ago, stress at work caused a bit of a decline in the frequency in which we had sex but not the quality. Then it gradually declined even more. He began turning me down and responding very negatively to my flirtations and initiations for sex. His reasoning is always stress at work (which is true) and that it's not the most important thing to him in a relationship. Like many of the other contributors here, I've almost stopped even trying. I've brought it up so many times- in sadness, in anger, in frustration, in flirtatious persuasion -that he usually gets angry &defensive and we end up frustrated and no sex.
We got engaged 2 months ago (he proposed) and it just seems bazaar to me that he does not want to have sex anymore. It felt like such a relief to find this site and article and know that I'm not the only woman struggling with this. It can be embarrassing to talk about because it IS so out of line generally accepted stereotypes of male/females, egthe man always wants to have sex but the woman is frigid. Anyway, still looking for the magic book with all the answers like a previous post.

September 13, 2010 - 12:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to JaymeLeigh)

I do know what you mean by its the want that you want. You want him to want you like he use to. That's what I want, I want him to touch me, rub me, ask me to do things like he use to. He ask me why I am with him if I think that he don't want me, he just dont understand that I love him and I will never find anybody like him again that I love so deeply. I don't want any other guy, I want him more than anything in the world and always will, and if I have to sacrifice sex and the touching then I will just to be with him for the rest of my life.

June 8, 2010 - 10:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)


September 30, 2009 - 5:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

we have been together for six months and the way he was and is now is very different, i miss my friend,lover confidant now he tells me Im clingy.I love this man but he clearly doesnt have my time. We didnt even have sex in the last month.

November 17, 2009 - 6:02am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

wow..I have been facing the same issue and it is hurting me 2....We've been together for about two years..at first it was all the time but now its like if i don't say anyhting he won't either...there has been a lot going on such as school and work...and that could be it..but in the back of my mind I believe that he is doing him already with someone else...I am not an unattractive female and there are plenty of guys who wouldn't mind..but i stay true b/c i love him....I read that a man needs 3 things out of a woman/relationship....loyalty, support, and sex.....so IDK...

August 26, 2009 - 6:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I know I think the same thing that guys want sex, and if they have a girl there willing to give it to them any time of the day then why does he not try. It gets so aggravating that I am here wanting him so damn bad and he could seem to care less. And when I talk to him about it he says that he is going to try harder, but I see no change. He finally had sex with me last night after saying for 5 days that he was going to and I still feel like he thinks that it is a chore instead of a want to kind of thing. I just want to feel wanted like most girls that have to tell their man no cause they get tired of them always wanting to. I feel like I have turned into the guy of the relationship that begs for sex. I have never been in this type of situation before, with my ex I didn't want it. I prayed that he wouldn't touch me when he got in bed, and now I pray that he does touch me. He use to brag about the good sex life that we had and now there isn't much to brag about. I just hope that something changes before it is too late.

June 8, 2010 - 10:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I can tell you that he did cheat on you and he's having better sex with the other person...that's why doesnt want to have sex with you anymore...sorry to say so, but i'm experiencing this now & dont know how to get myself out of the situation and I'm a female!

July 30, 2009 - 2:37pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Possibly. But men go through periods of celibacy. I've been on one for over a year now.

February 11, 2012 - 5:29am
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